another slice of wry

[larryJ]

Today's------------------------probably a repeat, sorry, and old, sorry, and blonde, not sorry-------

The young lady decided that the time had come to try her skills at ice fishing.  After traipsing out on the ice, she took her axe and gave the surface a might blow.  Suddenly, there was a booming voice seemingly from out of nowhere explicitly stating, "There are NO fish under the ice.

The bewildered woman looked around, but didn't see anyone, so she again struck the ice vigorously.  Once again, the booming voice said, "Stop! The are NO fish under the ice."

She again glanced all around before looking heavenward and asking, "Is that YOU, God?"

The voice answered, "No, this is Harry, the manager of this ice rink, and there are NO fish under the ice!"

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In 1759, George Washington and Martha Dandridge Custis were married in New Kent County, Va.

In 1838, Samuel; Morse and Alfred Vail gave the first successful public demonstration of their telegraph, in Morristown, N.J.

In 1941, President Franklin D. Roosevelt, in his State of the Union address, outlined a goal of "Four Freedoms":  Freedom of speech and expression; the freedom of people to worship God in their own way; freedom from want; freedom from fear.


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Today--------------Bluegrass performer Earl Scruggs is 86 and Actress Bonnie Franklin is 66.

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Larryj

[sixdogsmom]

We got to see Earl Scruggs perform at the Winfield Blugrass festival some years back. That was a great night with lots of great music.

[srkruzich]

Once we had George Bush, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope.........
Now we have Obama, no Cash and no Hope...

I went to Wal-Mart and saw they had Obama
Christmas ornaments...now ain't that a bitch?
I'm surprised the NAACP ain't screaming about hanging a black man from a tree again. 
Go figure.

[twirldoggy]

lol

[larryJ]

Today's------------------once in a while you get a real lame one---

"I see you went crazy at the big winter clearance sales," Rosemary commented, as she looked at all the bags of merchandise her friend Carla just brought home from the malls.

"You got that right," Carla replied.  "In fact, I almost bought the elevator on the top floor of Macy's," she confessed, "because it was marked down."

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In 1610, astronomer Galileo Galilei began observing three of Jupiter's moons, which he initially took to be stars; he spotted a fourth moon almost a week later. 

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Today------Pop musician Paul Revere is 72, Singer Kenny Loggins is 62 and Actress Erin Gray is 60.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today;s------------------------------seniors have much wisdom

Reporters and photographers were present on an assignment to interview and photograph a woman who was celebrating her 105th birthday.

During the interview, one reporter asked, "And what do you think is one of the best things about being 105?"

The woman looked at him with a smile and twinkle in her eyes as she confided, "Well, there is very little peer pressure."

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In 1935, rock 'n' roll legend Elvis Presley was born in Tupelo, Miss.

In 1959, Charles de Gaulle was inaugurated as president of France's Fifth Republic.  In Cuba, Fidel Castro and his army arrived in Havana following the overthrow of Fulgencio Batista.

In 1987, for the first time, the Dow Jones industrial average closed above 2,000, ending the day at 2,002.25.

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Today----Actor Comedian Larry Storch is 87, Singer Shirley Bassey is 73, Game show host Bob Eubanks is 72, Actress Yvette Mimieux is 68 and Rock legend-actor David Bowie is 63.

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Larryj

[Jo McDonald]

 
       The Power of a Badge......
      DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas , and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Mister,  I have the authority of the Federal Government with me."  Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher.  "See this badge?  This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land.  No questions asked or answers given.  Have I made myself clear?  Do you understand? "
The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety.  The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....
" Your badge. Show him your BADGE ! "



       






   

[frawin]

Jo, I love it, I can picture that.

[Jo McDonald]

Wooden Leg Insurance 


A man and his wife, moved back home to Georgia , from Ohio . The husband had a wooden leg, and to insure it back in Ohio cost them $2000 per year! When they arrived in Georgia , they went to an insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure his wooden leg. The agent looked it up on the computer and said: '$39.' The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in Georgia to insure it because it cost him $2000 in Ohio .. The insurance agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, 'Well, here it is on the screen, it says: Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system above it, is $39.... You just have to know how to describe it!' (Those Hillbillies  know how "to git 'ER done", don't they?) 





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[larryJ]

    Love it, Jo, thanks for the posts.

Today's---------------------------kinda sounds familiar, but still funny.

Brian, an avid golfer, plays the game at every opportunity.  He is truly a golf nut and recently spent two weeks at Pebble Beach.  He met a woman there and fell head over heels in love with her.  On the last night of his vacation, the two of them went to dinner and had a serious talk about how they would continue the relationship.

"It's only fair to warn you," Brian said, "that I am a total golf addict ....... I eat, sleep and breathe golf.  I cannot exist without it.  If that's going to be a problem,, you'd better say so now."

"Well," she replied, "as long as we're being honest with each other, I think you should know that I'm a hooker."

"Oh, my!" Brian gasped, lapsing into complete silence for a moment.  "You know,"  he said somewhat confidentially, "it's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you tee off."

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In 1788, Connecticut became the fifth state to ratify the U.S. Constitution.

In 1861, Mississippi seceded from the Union.

In 1945, during World War II, American forces began landing at Lingayen Gulf in the Philippines.

In 1960, on his 47th birthday, Vice President Richard M. Nixon became a candidate for the Republican presidential nomination.

In 1972, reclusive billionaire Howard Hughes, speaking by telephone from the Bahamas to reporters in Hollywood, said a purported autobiography of him by Clifford Irving was a fake.

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Today-------------Author Judith Krantz is 82, Football Hall-of-Famer Bart Starr is 76, Sportscaster Dick Enberg is 75 and Folk Singer Joan Baez is 69.

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Larryj