another slice of wry

[larryJ]

Today's------------------------these sound familiar?

SIGNS THAT OLD AGE IS CREEPING UP---------

Your favorite section of the newspaper is "50 Years Ago Today."

The parts that have arthritis are the parts that feel the best.

A big evening with your friends is sitting around comparing living wills.

Your clothes go into the overnight bag so you can fill your suitcase with your pills.

Somebody you consider an old-timer calls you an old-timer.

Your idea of a change of scenery is looking to the right or left.

Your knees buckle, but your belt won't.

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In 1853, The United States and Mexico signed a treaty under which the U.S. agreed to buy some 45.000 square miles of land from Mexico for $10 million in a deal known as the Gadsden Purchase.

In 1907, The Mills Commission issued its final report, concluding that Abner Doubleday had invented baseball, a view few sports historians, if any, agree with.

In 1922, Vladimir I. Lenin proclaimed the establishment of the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics.

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Today------Actor Joseph Bologna is 75, Baseball Hall of Famer Sandy Koufax is 74, Actor Fred Ward is 67, Singer-musician Michael Nesmith is 67, Singer Davy Jones is 64, Actress Concetta Tomei is 64 and Singer Patti Smith is 63.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

In following up on the Gadsden Purchase reading just now, it seems the correct size of the Gadsden Purchase is 29,670 square miles.  I don't know where the paper got the 45,000 square mile figure.  I always knew about the Gadsden Purchase having lived in New Mexico, but not a whole lot.  I found out it was done to establish a southern route for a railroad. 

The things you relearn!!!

Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's--------And a Happy New Year to you, too.

Last Christmas morning, after all the toys were opened, it was clear that Melissa's 5-year-old son wasn't thrilled with the ratio of toys to gifts he'd received.

As he trudged slowly up the stairs, Melissa called out, "Hey, where ya' goin?"

"To my room" he said, "to play with my socks."

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In 1759, Arthur Guiness founded his famous brewery at St. James's Gate in Dublin.

In 1879, Thomas Edison first publicly demonstrated his electric incandescent light in Menlo Park, NJ.

In 1985, singer Rick Nelson, 45, and six other people were killed when fire broke out aboard a DC-3 that was taking the group to a New Years' Eve performance in Dallas.

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Today------------Actor Sir Anthony Hopkins is 72, Actor Tim Considine is 69, Actress Sarah Miles is 68, Actor Ben Kingsley is 66, Actor Tim Matheson is 62 and Singer Donna Summer (Last Dance) is 61.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's---------------------------------God smiles on Pasadena on New Year's Day, always.

I was making Play-Doh animals with my 4-year-old grandniece, Abby, and her 3-year-old brother, Gavin.  While Abby was clearly molding a crude, but recognizable dog, figuring what Gavin was making was a bit more challenging.

It's a cat," he told me, "but a truck ran over it."  Some time later, Abby had made another simple animal shape, but Gavin had a rather flat slab of dough on the table in front of him.

"What happened to this animal?" I asked.  Gavin shrugged and said simply, "same truck."

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In 1808, a law prohibiting the importation of slaves into the United States went into effect.

In 1863, President Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation declaring that slaves in rebel states were free.

In 1890, The first Tournament of Roses was held in Pasadena.

In 1892, the Ellis Island Immigration Station in New York formally opened.

In 1959, Fidel Castro and his revolutionaries overthrew Cuban leader Fulgencio Batista, who fled to the Dominican Republican.

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Today--------Actor Ty Hardin is 80, Actor Frank Langella is 72 and Rock Singer-musician Country Joe McDonald is 68.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's--------It is not what you say, but how you say it.

A female employee at a local company had a brand-new change of clothes stolen from the break room.  Making matters worse, she had planned on wearing them to the Christmas party.

As a brand new employee, Sheila didn't know any of this history, so she was a bit surprised to find this indignant note posted on the community board.

"It has been two weeks since the Christmas party, and I still have not found my clothes!"

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In 1935, Bruno Hauptmann went on trial in Flemington, N.J., on charges of kidnapping and murdering the 20-month-old son of Charles and Anne Lindbergh.  (Hauptmann was found guilty and executed.)

In 1978, President Richard Nixon signed legislation requiring states to limit highway speeds to 55 miles per hour.  (However, federal speed limits were abolished in 1995.)

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Today------Country Musician Harold Bradley is 84 and TV host Jack Hanna is 63.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's------uuuuhhhhhh-----big ooops.

My friend was given permission by her granddaughter to read the letter she had written to Santa and let me in on it as well.

Among the common presents a 6-year-old would ask for such as dolls and dollhouses, stuffed animals and Crayons, was the following request:

"And, please, Santa, will you bring some clothes for all those naked ladies in my daddy's computer?"

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In 1521, Martin Luther was excommunicated from the Roman Catholic Church by Pope Leo X.

In 1938, the March of Dimes campaign to fight polio was organized.

In 1980, conservationist Joy Adamson author of "Born Free" was killed in northern Kenya by a former employee.

In 1990, ousted Panamanian leader Manuel Noriega surrendered to U.S. forces, 10 days after taking refuge in the Vatican's diplomatic mission.

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Today------Actor Robert Loggia is 80, Actor Dabney Coleman is 78, Musician Stephen Stills is 65 and Actress Victoria Principal is 60.

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Larryj

[W. Gray]

For those who saw the portrayal of Elsa the lion and George and Joy Adamson in the motion picture "Born Free" and the sequels, Joy Adamson's death was an unbelievable shocker.

Especially when she was reported to have been killed by a lion.

The coroner, though, determined she was murdered and the police subsequently determined the culprit was one of her former employees.

Just as shocking was George Adamson's murder a few years later.

[larryJ]

Today's-------------------------------Should have been in Sunday's paper---

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church after services, the minister heard the intonation of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.

Apparently his 5-year-old son and his friends had discovered a dead robin.  Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, dug a hole and made ready for disposal of the deceased creature.

It was no surprise that the minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate words and, with sonorous dignity, he intoned his version of what he thought his father always said:

"Glory be unto the Fa-a-a-ather, and unto the So-o-o-o-on...............and into the hole he go-o-o-o-oes..."

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In 1809, Louis Braille, inventor of the Braille raised-dot system for the blind, was born in Coupvray, France.

In 1821, the first native-born American saint, Elizabeth Ann Seton, died in Emmitsburg, MD.

In 1904, the U.S. Supreme Court  ruled that Puerto Ricans were not aliens and could enter the United States freely: however, the court stopped short of declaring them U.S. citizens.

In 1974, President Richard M. Nixon refused to hand over tape recordings and documents subpoenaed by the Senate Watergate Committee.

In 2007, Nancy Pelosi was elected the first female speaker of the House as Democrats took control of Congress.

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Today----------Actress Barbara Rush is 83, Football Hall-of-Famer coach Don Shula is 80 and Actress Dyan Cannon is 73.

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Larryj

[Jo McDonald]

3 Old Guys

'Sixty is the worst age to be,' said the 60-year-old man. 'You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out.'

'Ah, that's nothin,' said the 70-year-old. 'When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!'

'Actually,' said the 80-year -old, 'Eighty is the worst age of all.'

'Do you have trouble peeing, too?' asked the 60-year old.

'No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all. '

'So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?'

'No, I have one every morning at 6:30.'

Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, 'You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?'

'I don't wake up until 7:00.'

[larryJ]

Today's---------------------------------This could ruin your day---


A change in the weather had brought low temperatures and a threat of rain, possibly snow.  At the end of class, a kindergarten teacher was asked by a young lad if she would help him put on his boots.

It was soon evident why he asked for assistance.  Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots just didn't want to go on his feet.  By the time they were able to get the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.

She was speechless when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet!"

Sure enough, they were.  It wasn't any easier getting them off than it was putting them on.  But she managed to keep her cool as they struggled to get the boots on the correct feet.

The little tyke then announced, "These aren't my boots."  Although the day had been strenuous, she bit her tongue rather than lash out, demanding "Why didn't you say so at first?"  Without a word, she kneeled down and battled to once again remove the ill-fitting boots

No sooner had they removed the boots when the dear child announced proudly, "They're my brother's boots -- my mom made me wear 'em!"

At this point she didn't know whether to laugh, cry or scream, but she mustered up the grace and courage to once again wrestle the boots back on.

Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?"

He said, "Oh, mom said to stuff them in the toes of my boots so I wouldn't lose 'em."

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In 1781, a British naval expedition led by Benedict Arnold burned Richmond, Va.

In 1925, Nellie T. Ross became governor of Wyoming; she was the first female governor in U.S. history.

In 1998, Sonny Bono, the 1960's pop star-turned-politician was killed when he struck a tree while skiing at the Heavenly Ski Resort on the Nevada-California state line.  He was 62.

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Today-----Former Vice-President Walter F. Mondale is 82, Actor Robert Duvall is 79, Actress-director Diane Keaton is 64 and Actor Ted Lange is 62.

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Larryj