another slice of wry

[larryJ]

Today's-----------------------Rainy days and Mondays------Hmmm---sounds like a Carpenter's song.

Ramona had offered to drive her mother-in-law to the Doctor's office.

But when she arrived at her house, she found her gossiping with a neighbor.  "Mom, we've got to go," Ramona interrupted, but her urgency was ignored because of the incessant chatter.

"Mom!"  Ramona repeated as she pulled her away.

"Sorry, honey, but I didn't know what to do," she said, getting into the car, "that woman wouldn't stop listening to me!"

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In 1787, Delaware became the first state to ratify the U.S. Constitution.

In 1941, Imperial Japanese warplanes attacked the U.S. Navy base at Pearl Harbor in Hawaii, as well as other American and British bases in the Pacific; the preemptive raids prompted the United States to enter World War II.

In 1972, America's last moon mission to date was launched as Apollo 17 blasted off from Cape Canaveral, FL.

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Today----------Actor Eli Wallach is 94, Actrress Ellen Burstyn is 77 and Baseball Hall-of-famer Johnny  Bench is 62.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's------------------------------second attempt, gremlins got the first one.

It was very crowded at the supermarket, and the customer in front of me had a huge order.

As the harried-looking clerk lifted the final bag for her, the bottom gave way, spilling the contents on the floor.

"Ohhhh, they just don't make these bags like they used to," the clerk blurted out to the customer, "that was supposed to happen in your driveway."

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In 1941, the United States entered World War II as Congress declared war against Japan, one day after the attack on Pearl Harbor.

In 1980, rock star John Lennon was shot to death outside his New York City apartment building by Mark David Chapman, an apparently deranged fan.

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Today----------Actor-Director Maximillian Schell is 79, Actor James MacArthur is 72, Singer Jerry Butler is 70, Rock singer-musician Gregg Allman is 62 and Actress Kim Basinger is 56.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-----------------------------------------------sounds typical

Some years ago, my friend's husband, responsible for the overall closing of a military base, was reviewing voluminous files.  He found some old records that were of no possible value, and sent a letter to Washington, D.C., requesting permission to destroy them.

The reply he received read as follows:  "Permission is given to destroy the original records, but make triplicate copies of them first."

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In 1941, China declared war on Japan, Germany and Italy.

In 1958, the John Birch Society was formed in Indianapolis.

In 1992, Britain's Prince Charles and Princess Diana announced their separation.  (The couple's divorce became final Aug. 28, 1996.)

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Today--------------------------Actress Francis Reid is 95, Actor Dick Van Patten is 81, Actor-writer Buck Henry is 79, Actress Dame Judi Dench is 75, Actor Beau Bridges is 68, and Actor Kirk Douglas is 93.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's---------------------I guess when you are good, you are good---

A very large old building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper.  Due to its proximity to other buildings, it could not be imploded and had to be dismantled, floor by floor.

While working on the 49th floor, two guys found a skeleton, fully clothed, standing erect in a small closet behind the elevator shaft.  They decided to call the police.  When the police arrived, the two suggested that the remains could be "Jimmy Hoffa or someone really important."

Days past and nothing appeared in the paper, so they called the police hoping to solve the mystery.  The desk sergeant said, "Well, it's not Jimmy Hoffa, but it was somebody kind of important."

"Well, who was it?"

"It was the 1956 National Hide-and-Seek Champion," he replied.

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In 1869, women were granted the right to vote in the Wyoming Territory.

In 1906, President Theodore Roosevelt became the first American to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, for helping mediate an end to the Russo-Japanese War.

In 1964, the Rev. Marin Luther King Jr. received the Nobel Peace Prize.

In 1984, South African Bishop Desmond Tutu received the Nobel Peace Prize.

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Today----Actor Tommy Kirk is 68, Pop Singer Chad Stuart (Chad and Jeremy) is 68 and Actress-singer Gloria Loring is 63

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's----------------------------------------------money talks

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.  One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, me dog is dead.  Could ya be sayin' a Mass for the poor creature?"

Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we canna have services for an animal in the church.  But, there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe.  Maybe they'll do something for the creature."

Muldoon said, "Thanks, Father, I'll go right away, Father.  By the way, do ya think $5000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"

Father Patrick clasped his hands and exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus!  Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?"

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In 1936, Britain's King Edward VIII abdicated to marry American divorcee Wallis Warfield Simpson.

IN 1941, Germany and Italy declared war on the United States.  The U.S. responded in kind.

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Today----Actress Donna Mills is 67, Singer Brenda Lee is 65, Actress Lynda Day George is 65, Actress Teri Gar is 62 and Actress Rita Moreno is 78.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's---------------------Is this your car?

HOW TO TELL WHEN IT'S TIME TO BUY A NEW CAR.

1.  Your passenger seat is on the National Registry of Historic Places.

2.  Instead of an air bag, there's a whoopee cushion taped to your steering wheel.

3.  15-Minute Jiffy Lube lasts for only 3 days.

4.  Thieves repeatedly break into your car just to take "The Club."

5.  When you gas up, the attendant asks, "Can I re-duct tape that windshield for you?"

6.  While waiting at a stoplight, people run up asking if anyone was hurt.

7.  You keep losing passengers on left turns.

8.  Traffic reporters are starting to refer to you by name when discussing morning tie-ups.

9.  It hasn't been the same since Henry Ford borrowed it.

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In 1897, "The Katzenjammer Kids," the pioneering comic strip created by Rudolph Dirks made its debut in the New York Journal.

In 1917, Father Edward Flanagan founded Boys Town outside Omaha, Nebraska.

In 1925, the first motel --  The Motel Inn --- opened in San Luis Obispo, CA.

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Today---------Singer Connie Francis is 71, Singer Dionne Warwick is 69 and TV Host Bob Barker is 86.

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Larryj

[indygal]

Larry, I've been meaning to tell you how much I appreciate the jokes, but even more how much I like reading the birthdays and history trivia. I have to admit I'm surprised by some of the birthdays (not so much the age but the fact I didn't know that person was still alive!) Anyway, thank you for posting these every day. They make me smile, and that's something.

[larryJ]

Indy, one of the reasons I started this thread was to make someone's day a little brighter.  If someone reads a joke and then passes it on to another, it might make their day a little better.  I, also, am amazed sometimes that these people are still alive.  As they get older, they fade from public memory due to their own wishes or because they can no longer work.  My great fear is that the source that I draw this information from, might prove to be erroneous and I post the birthday of someone who has passed.  If I ever do that, I am sorry.  Anyway, thanks for posting and continue to enjoy.

Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's--------------------------------------sounds blonde (whoops!  sorry Teresa)

Tiring of the same old buzz cut from the base barber at Ft. Dix, N.J., Ramon went into town to get his haircut.  The young hairdresser noticed his accent and asked where he was from.

"Trinidad,"  Ramon said.

"Hey, isn't that in Arabia?"

"The Caribbean," he said.

She laughed, "Sorry, I never was very good at geometry."

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In 1862, Union forces suffered a major defeat to the Confederates in the Civil War Battle of Fredericksburg.

In 1978, The Philadelphia Mint began stamping the Susan B. Anthony dollar, which went into circulation in July 1979.

In 2003, Saddam Hussein was captured by U.S. forces while hiding in a hole at a farmhouse in Adwar, Iraq, near his hometown of Tikrit.

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Today-------------Actor-comedian Dick Van Dyke is 84, Actor Christopher Plummer is 80, Singer John Davidson is 68 and Rock musician Ted Nugent is 61.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's----------------------Garden of Eden Sears outlet?

Things they probably didn't tell you in Sunday school:  Adam took a bite from the forbidden fruit and, feeling great shame, covered himself with a fig leaf.

Eve, too, felt shame and covered herself with a fig leaf.  Then she went behind a bush and tried on  maple leaf, a sycamore leaf and an oak leaf.
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In 1799, the first President of the United States, George Washington, died at his Mount Vernon, VA., home at age 67.

In 1981, Israel annexed the Golan Heights, which it had seized from Syria in 1967.

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Today--------Jazz Musician Clark Terry is 89, Singer-Actress Abbe Lane is 78, Actor Hal Williams is 71, Actress-Singer Jane Birkin is 63, Actress Patty Duke is 63 and Actress Dee Wallace is 61

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Larryj