another slice of wry

[larryJ]

Today's--------------------------------------Maybe should post in the commercials thread

A married couple awoke early one Saturday morning to find their young daughter standing at their bedside.  As was customary, she eagerly brought the morning paper to her parents room.  However, this particular morning, she had brought more than just the morning paper.

Proudly, she handed both her mother and father their personal coffee cups, grinning with pride at her resourcefulness and thoughtfulness.

As they each thankfully took their cups, they found not coffee, but six little green plastic army men, carefully arranged in each cup.

Curious, her mother asked the obvious.

Beaming with pride at having gone to such lengths to brighten her parents' morning, the little cherub replied, "Mommy, everybody knows that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!"

_______________________________________________________

Today----------------Actress Joyce Randolph is 85, Rock singer Manfred Mann is 69. and Judy Sheindlin (Judge Judy) is 67.

______________________________________________________

Larryj

[pamsback]

 

[larryJ]

Today's-----------------------------------------Well, Okaaaaaay?!!


Two sisters came home from school crying their hearts out.

"What's wrong?" asked their mother, quite concerned.  Iris, the first sister, started wailing, "The kids at school make fun of my big feet."

"There, there," the mother said, "Your feet aren't that big."

She turned to Irene, the second sister, "Now, why are you crying, my dear?"

"Because I've been invited to a ski party and I don't have any skis."

"Listen, it's OK, dry your eyes." her mother said, "You can borrow your sister's shoes."

_____________________________________________________

In 1746, Princeton University was first chartered as the College of New Jersey.

In 1836, San Houston was inaugurated as the first constitutionally elected president of the Republic of Texas.

______________________________________________________

Today----------------Actress Joan Fontaine is 92, Actor Christopher Lloyd is 71, Actress Annette Funicello is 67, Actress Catherine Deneuve is 66 and actor Jeff Goldblum is 57.

_______________________________________________________

Larryj

[Cheyenne]

  cruel but funny

[larryJ]

Today's-------------------------------------Hard to type on the laptop with the pomchi laying across your lap.

During a software design meeting, employees were using typical technical jargon to discuss a data exchange interface with a vendor.

One co-worker said the programming that was ordered was delayed because the vendor was suffering from a "severe nonlinear waterfowl issue."

Curious, the team leader raised his eyebrows and asked, "What, exactly, is that?"

The programmer replied, "They don't have all their ducks in a row."

_________________________________________________________

Yesterday, Soupy Sales, commedian, died at age 83.

In 1915, tens of thousands of women marched in New York City, demanding the right to vote.

_______________________________________________________

Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-------------------------------------could have been a senior moment----

"I'd like to know where my paper is!" said the irate customer calling the newspaper office, demanding to know where her Sunday edition was.

"Madam," said the newspaper support employee, "today is Saturday.  The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY!"

There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter, "Well, dang, that's why no one was at church today."

____________________________________________________________

Today-------------------Actor David Nelson is 73 and Actor Kevin Kline is 63.

_______________________________________________

In 1901, widow Anna Edson became the first person to go over Niagara Falls in a barrel. 

_______________________________________________________

Larryj

[Diane Amberg]

It's a shame about Soupy Sales. I understand he was partially eaten by White Tooth and Black Fang. Ya gotta remember to feed the old animals too.

[larryJ]

Today's-----------------------------------there is no "today's" due to a printing error.

However, I would like to reprint this as I found it interesting.

This is from Robert Rector, a former editor with the Pasadena Star-News and the Los Angeles Times,

It is entitled-----------HEY DUDE, WHAT'S THE GOOD WORD?  YOU KNOW:  WHATEVER!

In a recent poll conducted by Marist College, nearly half of Americans - 47 percent - said they find "whatever" the most annoying word or phrase in use today.

Twenty-five percent said they found "you know" most grating.  11 percent can't stand "it is what it is."  7 percent would like to ban "anyway" from all verbal exchanges, and 2 percent reported that they could do without hearing "at the end of the day."

I disagree.  "Whatever" has evolved into what is clearly one of the most useful words in the English language today, a word of such economy and impact that it's appropriate for almost any occasion.

Consider these definitions, some of which are found in the Urban Dictionary.

Used in an argument, you can admit that you are wrong without actually admitting it.  ("So the Pope isn't Italian.  Whatever.)

It is passive-aggressive behavior at it's most eloquent.  (She: "If you leave me, I'll kill myself!"  He: "Whatever.")

It is often used to dismiss someone when it is clear that rational discussion would be a waste of time.  ("Don't tell me you believe in that evolution stuff!  the Bible clearly states that the Earth is 6,000 years old!"  "Whatever, go bother someone else."

It is the most annoying thing that your girlfriend can say.  ("Hey, would you like to get dinner, see a movie, then perhaps go back to my place?"  "Whatever."

It's a phrase that can be used to indicate complete apathy.  (Teacher:  "Who was Plato?"  Student:  "Mickey Mouse's dog."  No, he was a Greek philosopher."  Student:  "Whatever."

The term has more uses than a Swiss army knife.

By my yardstick, there are a lot more irritating phrases contributing to word pollution out there.

Take, for instance, the phrase, "What's the good word?" What are you supposed to reply?  "Joblessness?"  "Afghanistan?"  Schwarzenegger?"  On rare occasions, you could actually reply with a good word like "Hawaii" or "raise."  Better yet, answer it with "it is what it is."  that will stop the conversation dead in its tracks.

How about "No problem." This has somehow replaced "you're welcome" although it's a lot better than "no sweat" which was in vogue some time ago.  George Carlin used to mock the phrase this way:  "Thanks for helping me bring the dead babies up from the cellar.:  "No problem."

"Awesome"makes my list. I have yet to hear it uttered by anyone who fits the definition of the word, "inspiring awe."

I don't know how "sucks" made it into everyday polite conversation, but it has.  In fact, it is now the most sincere expression of sympathy going.  (My dog died and I'm in foreclosure."  "Man, that sucks."

But No. 1 on my hit list is "dude."  Originally used to describe a dandy in Victorian England, it has somehow found its way into everyday conversation thanks to the stoners, surfers and skateboarders who often use it three times in one sentence.  ("I was at the mall the other day, dude, and there was this hot chick and I went up to her and dude, I was like.............. dude ............"

If that's not distressing enough, the youth of our country are already at work crafting a new set of cliches

UCLA has compiled a dictionary called, naturally enough,  "UCLA Slang" which attempts to categorize the language of the campus.

Successful submissions had to be unlikely to appear in a conventional dictionary.  If the words and phrases also have the potential to puzzle parents, so much the better.

"Destroy," for instance means the opposite of what you would think:  to do well on something like a test.

Verbs morph into nouns, as in "epic fail," now slang for "what a mistake!"  Nouns also become adjectives, with "Obama" now used as slang for "cool or rad," as in "You just aced that exam - you are so Obama!"

The lingo of texting provided such visual entries as "QQ," an  emoticon similar to a smiley face that, in this instance, stands for the verb "to cry."

Taking the first initials of a common phrase can result in a catchy initialism such as I.D.K., which is slang for "I don't know."  Once those initials start being pronounced as a full blown word, they've evolved into an acronym like FOMO, which stands for "fear of missing out."

Whatever. 

Larryj

[Diane Amberg]

That's cool dude!

[larryJ]

Whatever----it is what it is.    Dude.

Larryj