another slice of wry

[larryJ]

Today's----------------------------------------------------

Struggling to make ends meet, the pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $325 dress she has purchased.

"Really, honey, how could you do this?"

"Well, I was outside the store looking at the dress in the window and then I found myself trying it on," she explained.  "It was like Satan was whispering in my ear, 'you look fabulous in the dress!  Buy it!' "

"For Heaven's sake," the pastor replied, "you must realize that I, too, am faced with temptations every day and I confront it by saying, 'Get thee behind me, Satan.' "

"Well, that's exactly what I did," she said, "and Satan said, 'it looks fabulous from back here, too!"

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's--------------------------Most likely a repeat, at least, I have heard it before and have told it many times.

A woman walked up to the smiling, frail, wrinkled little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.

"Pardon me, but I couldn't help but notice how happy you look," she said, "Tell me, what's your secret for a long, happy life?"

"Don't know for sure, but I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," the snaggle-toothed fellow said, adding, "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty, fried foods and never exercise."

"Wow!  That's amazing," exclaimed the woman, "How old are you?"

"Twenty-three," he said.

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Today----------Former Illinois Senator Adlai Stevenson III is 79, entertainer Ben Vereen is 63, and country singer Tanya Tucker is 51.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's---------------------------sounds about right.

Amy, a Sunday school teacher, was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal.

She describes how Elijah built the altar, put wood on it, cut the steer in pieces and laid them on the altar.  And then, Amy said, Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar.  She told the class that Elijah had them do this four times.

"Now," Amy said, "can anyone tell me why the Lord would instruct Elijah to have the people pour water over the steer on the altar?"

A little girl in the back of the room stood up and waved her hand.  "I know!  I know!"  she said excitedly, "it was to make the gravy!"

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Today----------------In 1809, just over three years after the famous Lewis and Clark expedition ended, Meriwether Lewis was found dead at age 35 in a Tenessee inn, an apparent suicide.

In 1890, the Daughters of the American Revolution was founded in Washington, D. C.

In 1979, Allan McLeod Cormack and Godfrey Newbold Hounsfield were named co-recipients of the Nobel Prize for Medicine for their work in developing the CAT scan X-ray.

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Larryj

[pamsback]

y'know Larry I like readin the trivia you include as much as the jokes!

[larryJ]

Just do it to have fun and jog a few memories now and then.  It's fun and informative.  I like to add birthdays of those in my age group so others can say, "wow, look how old that guy is!  OH WAIT!  We're the same age!"

Personal story-------------Many years ago, well, maybe 12 years ago, my wife and I bought tickets to see Neil Diamond at the Forum here in LA.  We have always been big fans of his, but had never been to one of his concerts.  As we were walking from the car towards the Forum, we were watching others who were attending the concert.  My wife, bless her heart, made the comment, and I swear this is the truth, "Larry, look how old these people are!"  Then she looked at me and we both started laughing so hard we had to stop and rest before going on.  Those people were probably looking at us and saying the same thing.

Larryj

[pamsback]

 l, I know what you mean....we went to see Ted Nugent a couple years ago and it was funny...a bunch of chunky 40 somethings rockin out lol although my daughter was one of about 4 teenagers LOL

[sixdogsmom]

Willy Nelson played a casino near here awhile back, but I didn't go cause I didn't want to see how old I have gotten! 

[Dee Gee]

Don't let this happen to you.

Rick was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"

The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Rick has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him.

[larryJ]

Today's---------I get confused sometimes whether the joke is a repeat or I have maybe heard it before, but I think this was on the forum before.  However, I do know that there is someone who hasn't seen it.

A nice, calm, respectable lady went to the pharmacy, asked for the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I want to buy some cyanide."

The Pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it for my husband."

The pharmacist, obviously quite shocked, exclaimed, "My word, I can't sell you cyanide to give to your husband - that's against the law!  I'll lose my license!  They'll throw us both in jail!  All kinds of bad thing will happen - absolutely not!  You can't have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.  The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now, that's different...........you didn't tell me you had a prescription."

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Today----In 1492, Christopher Columbus arrived with his expedition in the present-day Bahamas.

In 1870, Gen. Robert E. Lee died in Lexington VA., at age 63.

In 1960, Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev disrupted a U.N. General Assembly session by pounding his desk with a shoe when a speaker criticized his country.

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Larryj

[pamsback]

BOTH good ones DeeGee and Larry LOLOL!