another slice of wry

[flo]

Wife to Husband " what are you going to do today?"
Husband - "nothing"
Wife - "you done that yesterday"
Husband - "I'm not finished yet"

[patyrn]

Perfect......................

[flo]

A dingy blonde was weedeating in her yard.  She didn't know her cat was hiding in the grass and she accidently cut off it's tail.  She immediately scooped up the cat and the tail and hurried to Wal-Mart.  Why Wal-Mart?  Well Dah, that's the largest retailer in America.

[Judy Harder]

I did laugh at that..........dingy is right........Thanks Flo.

[larryJ]

Today's-----------------------------I thought I had posted this earlier.  I guess the gremlins got it.

The other day I was walking with my friend, Eva, who happens to be a psychologist.  "Eva," I said, "I feel like I'm a walking economy."

Eva replied, "What do you mean?"

"My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of those are putting me into a deep depression."

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In 1862, President Abraham Lincoln issued the preliminary Emancipation Proclamation, declaring all slaves in rebel states should be free as of Jan. 1, 1863.   (my wife failed to get the memo)

In 1989, Songwriter Irving Berlin died in New York City at age 101.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's------------------------Ledgible writing is not a required course in medical school.

Mary and Patty were thoroughly confused.  While transcribing medical audiotapes, Patty came upon the following garbled diagnosis;
"This patient has pholenfrometry."

Knowing nothing about that particular condition, Patty double checked with the doctor.

After listening to the tape, he shook his head and smiled, "This patient," he said, translating for her, "has fallen from a tree."

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Today--------------------Actor Mickey Rooney turns 89. Singer Julio Iglesias is 66, Actor Paul Peterson (The Donna Reed Show) is 64, and "The Boss" Bruce Springsteen is 60.

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In 1957, nine black students who had entered Little Rock Central High School in Arkansas were forced to withdraw because of a white mob outside.

Larryj

[Judy Harder]

You don't have to own a cat to appreciate this one! You don't even have to like 'em!

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. The cat we put out in the back yard, scoots back into the front door.
We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird. My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, 'He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.'

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away. 'That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!

The cab driver hit a parked car.



Folks, I don't write them......

[larryJ]

Today's-------------------------------------------I don't write them either, especially this one.

During a funeral, the organist played a beautiful rendition of Bach's "Sheep may safely graze" as the casket was carried out of the church. 

After the service, the minister complemented him on his performance and then said, "Oh, by the way, do you know what the deceased did for a living?"

"No sir, I sure don't," said the organist as he began packing up.

The minister smiled, "He was a butcher."

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Today-----------Actress Sheila MacRae turns 85.

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Larryj

[pamsback]

I like both of the last ones LOL

[flo]

I've like all that I read on here, but, Judy, I sat here and laughed till I had tears as I visualized to myself the look that must have been on that cabbie's face.