another slice of wry

[larryJ]

He actually did one of those "here's your sign" about his wife.  In jest I assure you. 

He was returning from a trip and the plane almost hit a deer.  Excited, he called his wife and told her.   Her response-----

"were you still in the air?"

Here's your sign

Larryj

[flintauqua]

I'd have responded, "Yes, we were! I'm pretty sure it was either Donner or Blitzen!"

[frawin]

Bill is a great guy.  He was a fraternity brother of one of the men I worked for in Midland.  They attended Southwestern at Georgetown, TX.  He often called the office.  They went to Vegas together with their wives and spent time together when they came to visit Gail's family.  He really puts on a great show.  Larry the Cable Guy fronted Bill one time when Bill was putting on a benefit for the benevolent group they supported and Larry was just getting into the business then. 
Myrna

[Jo McDonald]

A man in London walked  into the produce section of his local Tesco's supermarket and asked  to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department  told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was  insistent that the boy ask the manager about the  matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said  to the manager, "Some old geezer wants to buy a  half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned  around to find that the man was standing right behind him, so he  quickly added, "and this gentleman kindly  offered to buy the other half."

The manager  approved the deal and the man went on his  way.

Later, the manager said to the boy," I was  impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation  earlier, we like people who can think on their feet here, where  are you from son?"

"New  Zealand, sir," the boy  replied.

"Why did you leave New  Zealand?" the manager  asked.

The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but  whores and rugby players there."

"Is that right?"  replied the manager," My wife is from New  Zealand!"

"Really?"  replied the boy, "Who'd she play  for?"   

[larryJ]

Today's--------------------------------------------AND, PLEASE, do not throw any articles of clothing at me!

A man went to the Doctor with a strange complaint.  "Well, it's like this, Doc," he said.  "When I drive to work in the morning through the country lanes, I start to sing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'  If I see a cat, then it's 'What's New, Pussy Cat?'"

"It's so embarrassing.................even when I'm asleep, I still keep singing.  Last night, it was 'Delilah' ---- my wife was not amused."

The Doctor leaned forward and said, "It would appear that you have the early symptoms of TOM JONES SYNDROME."

(Wait, there's more, that is not the end of the joke)

The man says, "My word, I've never heard of that--------is it common?" he asked.

"Well, 'It's Not Unusual,'" the Doctor started singing.

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Okay you can groan now!!!!!!!!!!

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Where it all started---------------In 1969, the first automated teller machine to use magnetic-striped cards was opened to the public at Chemical Bank i New York City.  (called a "Docuteller" it was developed by Donald C. Wetzel.)

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Today's birthday---------------------------Salma Hayek turns 43.

(Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh)

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Larryj

[Wilma]

What articles of clothing did you have in mind, Larry?

[larryJ]

Wilma, surely you must remember that when Tom Jones or, I believe, Englebert Humperdink, (there's a name you can't forget), would perform their concerts, many ladies, young and older, would throw things on the stage.  This included love letters, motel room keys, underwear, etc. 

Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's------------------------------------there are good joke days and bad joke days and days like this one---------HO HUM.

Caprice was aware that Marcell, one of her middle-school students, was expected to attend a presentation on adolescence in another class, but she hadn't been informed of the time.

In the middle of his written language lesson, Marcell suddenly looked at the clock, jumped up from his desk and ran from the room without a word of explanation.

"What are you doing?  Where are you going?" Caprice shouted after him.

"I gotta go," Marcell yelled from down the hall, "I'm late for puberty!"

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Fire stats----------140,150 acres burned, 28% contained, 101 structures destroyed, 50 homes remain evacuated, 4,700 fire personnel, and still fortunately only the two fatalities mentioned previously.  Our local paper says the fire is turning more towards the southeast which would bring it closer to the mountains closest to us.  However, the other fire from last week has already burned much of that area, so there won't be anything for this big fire to burn.  Hopefully.  140,150 acres translates into almost 219 square miles, roughly about one-third the size of Elk County.  I believe that I heard this is now the largest fire in Los Angeles County history.  On a side note, our neighbor whose sister was evacuated from her home has returned to her home as it was not damaged and the fire has burned past her area.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's--------------------Kids can be fun?

Years ago when Cherise's two girls were small, they were taught how to say their blessings before eating their meal.

One night as Cherise was busy scurrying around the kitchen, she told them both to say their blessings without her.

Cherice took a moment to watch them, as they both squeezed their eyes tightly shut over folded hands.  As the 4 year old finished, her 3 year old sister kept on praying. 

Another minute or two passed before she lifted her head, looked at her plate, and in an indignant voice said, "Hey! My peas are still here!"

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Today in history--------------In 1781, Los Angeles was founded by Spanish settlers led by Gov. Felipe de Neve.  (In the mid 1800's, the wihite people took over and drove many of the Spanish and Mexicans out.  In looking at the demograhics from 2000, the Latino population of Los Angeles count was 51% of the population, so they are slowly taking it back.)

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-----------------------------------------Big OOPS!

"Next," the conference emcee announced, "it is my pleasure to present the chief of the State Patrol, who is here with his lovely wife, Beverly."

The chief stepped up to the podium and took his place at the lectern.  "I'm a little nervous," he began, "getting up before this distinguished audience and speaking today.  But not nearly as nervous as I will be tonight when I must go home with my wife, Audrey, and explain Beverly to her!"

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Today----------------------comedian Bob Newhart turns 80 and actress Raquel Welch turns 69.

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Fire news________________154,655 acres burned, roughly 37% the size of Elk County, 76 homes lost, 86 outbuildings, 42% contained, and firefighters have bulldozed and burned more than 100 miles of firebreaks.

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Larryj