another slice of wry

[larryJ]

Today's-----------got it.......

It's broad daylight on a country road.  Sheriff pulls up behind a guy who is unloading garbage out of his pickup into the ditch.

Sheriff activates his light bar, steps out of the patrol car, ticket book in hand, and approaches the litter bug.  He says, "Sir, what are you doing?  Can't you read that sign right over your head?"

The guy said, "Yes, sir, and that's why I stopped here."

Sign says................. FINE FOR DUMPING TRASH.

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In 1776, during the Revoluntionary War, Capt. Nathan Hale, 21, was hanged as a spy by the British in New York.

In 1862, President Abraham Lincoln issued the preliminary Emancipation Proclamatiion, declaring all slaves in rebel states should be free as of Jan. 1, 1863.

In 1927, Gene Tunney successfully defended his heavyweight boxing title against Jack Dempsey in the famous "long-count" fight in Chicago.

In 1961, the Interstate Commerce Commission issued rules prohibiting racial discrimination on interstate buses.

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Today-------NBA Commissioner David Stern is 70, Musician King Sunny Ade is 66, Actor Paul Le Mat is 66, Capt. Mark Phillips is 64, Rock singer David Coverdale (Deep Purple) is 61 and Baseball Hall-of-Fame manager Tommy Lasorda is 85.

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September 22nd is:  (Hold on)........International Day Of Peace, American Business Women's Day, Car Free Day, Dear Diary Day, Elephant Appreciation Day, Hobbit Day, Ice Cream Cone Day, International Day of Radiant Peace, National Centenarian's Day, National White Chocolate Day, AKC Responsible Dog Ownership Day, Fish Amnesty Day, Kids Day (Kiwanis Club), National Hunting and Fishing Day and R.E.A.D. In America Day.  (Also the first of day of Fall.)

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Quip for the day.........If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-------good one........

These bums are getting a little too comfortable, in my opinion.

I saw one the other day.  He had stretched out and made himself comfortable on a park bench.  He was enjoying a nice nap.

There was a scribbled sign on the sidewalk in front of him next to a tin can.  He had written, "Sleeping.  Do not disturb by dropping coins.  Leave paper money only.  God bless."

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In 1779, during the Revolutionary War, the American warship Bon Homme Richard, commanded by John Paul Jones, defeated the HMS Serapis in battle.

In 1806, the Lewis and Clark expedition returned to St. Louis more than two years after setting out for the Pacific Northwest.

In 1957, nine black students who'd entered Little Rock Central High School in Arkansas were forced to withdraw because of a white angry mob outside.

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Today------Actor Mickey Rooney is 92, Actress Margaret Pellegrini ("The Wizard of Oz") is 89, Singer Julio Iglesias is 69, Actor Paul Peterson ("The Donna Reed Show") is 67, Actress-singer Mary Kay Place is 65 and Rock star Bruce Springsteen is 63.

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September 23rd is:  Innergize Day, Celebrate Bi-sexuality Day and Restless Legs Awareness Day.

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Quip for the day........I just got out of the hospital.  I was in a speed reading accident.  I hit a bookmark. --Stephen Wright.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's---------aha........

It was one of those "speed dating" things, so she came right to the point.

"Do you smoke?" she asked.

"No," he replied.

"Do you drink?"

"Never."

"Do you gamble?"

"I do not."

"Do you have a temper?"

"Absolutely not."

"Do you cheat?"

"Not once in my life."

She looked at him, searchingly, then reached over and touched his hand.  "So you are telling me that you have no vices at all?" she asked.

He replied, "Well, I'm a chronic liar."

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In 1869, thousands of businessmen were ruined in a Wall Street panic known as "Black Friday" after financiers Jay Gould and James Fisk attempted to corner the gold market.

In 1890, the president of the Church of Latter Day Saints, Wilford Woodruff, wrote a manifesto renouncing the practice of polygamy, or plural marriage.  (The manifesto was formally accepted by the Mormon Church the following month.)

In 1934, Babe Ruth made his farewell appearance as a player with the New York Yankees in a game against the Boston Red Sox.  (The Sox won, 5-0.)

In 1991, children's author Theodor Seuss Geisel, better known as "Dr. Suess," died in La Jolla at age 87.

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Today----Actor-singer Herb Jeffries is 101, Actress Sheila MacRae is 88, Rhythm-and-blues singer Sammy Turner (The Platters) is 73, Singer Barbara Allbut (The Angels) is 72, Singer Phyllis "Jiggs" Allbut (The Angels) is 70, Singer Gerry Marsden (Gerry and the Pacemakers) is 70, Pro and College Football Hall-of-Famer Joe Greene is 66, Actor Gordon Clapp is 64 and News anchor Lou Dobbs is 67.

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September 24th is:  Family Day -- A Day To Eat Dinner With The Kids, Punctuation Day and Schwenkfelder Thanksgiving.

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Quip for the day........Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's----------zzzzzzzzzzzzzz......

The preacher was about halfway into his sermon when he noticed a man stand up and leave.  He also noticed, later, when the man returned just before the conclusion of the service.

Afterward, the pastor asked the man where he had gone.

"I went to get a haircut," was the reply.

"Why didn't you do that before the service?" the preacher asked.

"Because I didn't need one then," the man said.

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In 1957, nine black students who had been forced to withdraw from Central High School in Little Rock, Arkansas, because of unruly white crowds, were escorted to class by members of the Army's 101st Airborne Division.

In 1981, Sandra Day O'Conner was sworn in as the first female justice of the Supreme Court.

In 1992, the Mars Observer blasted off on a $980 million mission to the red planet.  The probe disappeared just before entering Martian orbit in August 1993.

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Today-----Broadcast Journalist Barbara Walters is 83, Folk singer Ian Tyson is 79, Rhythm-and-blues singer Joe Russell is 73, Former Defense Secretary Robert Gates is 69, Actor Josh Taylor is 69, Actor Robert Walden is 69, Model Cheryl Tiegs is 65, Actress Mimi Kennedy is 63, Actor-director Anson Williams is 63, Actor Mark Hamill is 61, Basketball Hall-of-Famer Bob McAdoo is 61, Polka Bandleader Jimmy Sturr is 61 and Actor Colin Friels is 60.

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September 25th is:  Math Story Telling Day, National Voter Regristration Day, National Woman Road Warrior Day, (Worlds) Ataxia Awareness Day, National One-Hit Wonder Day and Yom Kippur.

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Quip for the day--------Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's---------funny.........

It was the much-anticipated football game between the big animals and the little animals.  The big animals were winning by a wide margin, but during the second half, the little animals sent in a new player, a centipede.

The big animals had the ball.  On the first play, the centipede stopped the elephant for no gain.  On the second play, the centipede threw down the rhino at the line of scrimmage.  On the third play, the centipede stopped the hippo for a big loss in the backfield.  The big animals called a timeout.

"Sheesh, that centipede is killing us." the hippo told the coach.  The coach said, "He's good.  I've seen him before."

"Where was he during the first half?" the rhino asked.

The coach answered, "Getting his shoes on."

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In 1789, Thomas Jefferson was confirmed by the Senate to be the first United States secretary of state; John Jay, the first chief justice; Edmund Randolph, the first attorney general.

In 1892, John Philip Sousa and his newly formed band performed publicly for the first time, at the Stillman Music Hall in Plainfield, NJ.

In 1937, the radio drama "The Shadow," starring Orson Welles, premiered on the Mutual Broadcasting System.
(Where is "The Shadow" anyway?  Haven't seen any postings from him.)

In 1955, following word that President Dwight D. Eisenhower had suffered a heart attack, the New York Stock Exchange saw its worse price decline since 1929.

In 1960, the first-ever televised debate between presidential nominees took place in Chicago as John F. Kennedy and Richard M. Nixon faced off before a national TV audience.

In 1962, "The Beverly Hillbillies" premiered on CBS.

In 1990, the Motion Picture Association of America announced it had created a new rating, NC-17, to replace the X rating.

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Today--------Baseball All-Star Bobby Shantz is 87, Actor Philip Bosco is 82, Actress Donna Douglas is 80, Actor Richard Herd is 80, South African nationalist Winnie Madikizela-Mandella is 76, Country singer David Frizzell is 71, Actor Kent McCord is 70, Television host Anne Robinson is 68, Singer Bryan Ferry is 67, Actress Mary Beth Hurt is 66, Singer Lynn Anderson is 65, Singer Olivia Newton-John is 64 and Actor James Keane is 60.

(Sadly, Andy Williams has passed away, at age 84, of bladder cancer.)

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September 26th is:  Johnny Appleseed Day, National Women's Health and Fitness Day, Shamu the Whale Day and National Maritime Day.

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Quip for the day.....People who claim they don't let the little things bother them have never slept in a room with a single mosquito.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-----hah.......

A guy walks into a bar with a small dog.  The bartender says, "Get out of here with that dog!"

The guy says, "But this isn't just any dog.  This dog can play the piano!"

The bartender hooks a thumb over at a piano in the corner.  "If that dog can play that piano, you both get a drink on the house!"

The guy sits the dog on the piano bench, and the dog starts playing.  Ragtime, Mozart -- He even takes requests.  The bartender and the patrons are loving it.

Suddenly, a bigger dog runs in, grabs the small dog by the scruff of the neck, and drags him out.  The bartender asks the guy, "What was that all about?"

The guy replies, "Oh, that was his mother.  She wanted him to be a dentist."

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In 1862, during the Civil War, the Union Army's first all-black regiment, the self-described "Chasseurs d'Afrique" (Hunters of Africa) was formed in New Orleans.

In 1954, "Tonight!" hosted by Steve Allen, made its debut on NBC-TV.

In 1964, the goivernment released the report of the Warren Commission, which found that Lee Harvey Oswald had acted alone in assassinating President John F. Kennedy.

In 1979, Congress gave its final approval to forming the U.S. Department of Education.

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Today----Actress Jayne Meadows is 92, Actress Kathleen Nolan is 79, Actor William Brimley is 78, Actor Claude Jarman Jr. is 78, Author Barbara Howar is 78, World Golf Hall-of-Famer Kathy Whitworth is 73, Rock singer-musician Randy Bachman is 69, Rock singer Meat Loaf is 65, Actress Liz Torres is 65, Actor A Martinez is 64, Baseball Hall-of-Famer Mike Schmidt is 63 and Actor Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa is 62.

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September 27th is:  Ancestor Appreciation Day, Gay Men's HIV/AIDS Awareness Day, Google's Birthday and World Tourism Day.

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Quip for the day.......Don't be pessimistic.  It won't work anyway.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's------old, probably a repeat, still funny.....

Two health nuts, newly arrived in heaven, are walking along in silent awe at the wonderous beauty of everything they see.

Finally, one of them speaks, "Look at this!" he says.  "I never knew heaven was going to be as good as this!"

The other one just shakes his head.

They keep walking.

After awhile, the first guy says, "You're happy, right?"

The second guy sighs, and replies, "Oh, sure.  I'm happy.  But just think, if we hadn't eaten all that oat bran, we could have been here ten years ago."

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In 1066, William the Conqueror (my ancestor) invaded England to claim the English throne.

In 1542, Portuguese navigator Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo arrived at present-day San Diego.

In 1850, flogging was abolished as a form of punishment in the U.S. Navy.

In 1920, eight members of the Chicago White Sox were indicted for allegedly throwing the 1919 World Series against the Cincinnati Reds.  (All were acquitted at trial, but all eight were banned from the game for life.)

In 1962, a federal appeals court found Mississippi Gov. Ross Barnett in civil contempt for blocking the admission of James Meredith, a black student, to the University of Mississippi.  (Federal marshals escorted Meredith onto the campus two days later.)

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Today-------Actress Brigitte Bardot is 78, Singer Ben E. King is 74, Actor Joel Higgins is 69, Singer Helen Shapiro is 66, Movie writer-director-actor John Sayles is 62 and Actress Sylvia Kristel is 60.

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September 28th is:  Ask A Stupid Question Day, Fish Tank Floorshow Night, Hug A Vegetarian Day, Love Note Day, National Good Neighbor Day, National Walk To Work Day and Save The Koala Day.

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Quip for the day.......The advantage to exercising everyday is that you die healthier.

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Larryj

[Diane Amberg]

How are you related to William? I've been to both Hastings and Battle. Both are very interesting, some very high cliffs there.

[larryJ]

Diane, according to the Fitz Randolph family history, their name goes back over 20+ generations with variations of spelling (Rufus, Ribald, Ranuff, etc.) and are linked to William the Conqueror by marriage.  The earliest Fitz Randolph in America was Edward Fitz Randolph arriving here in 1630.  Several generations later, Mary Ann Fitz Randolph married an Andrews, hence my mother's family.  Amos Andrews came to Elk County around 1885.  That is the short story.  The  title of Duke of Normany was passed down for many generations until one time when there were no male heirs.  William was descended from a Viking named Rolf who settled in the Normandy region of France c. 860 or so, and his descendants eventually came to power there.  King Edward of England had promised William the title of King when he died.  That didn't happen causing William to invade and conquer England.  There are thousands of Fitz Randolph related descendants of Edward including Mom7x70 and a few others on this forum.

Larryj

[Diane Amberg]

That is very interesting.Thank you!