another slice of wry

[larryJ]

Today's------------a promise is a promise..............

The pastor glanced at the church's Nativity scene the day after Christmas and noticed that the baby Jesus was missing.  He went outside and saw a little boy pulling a new red wagon.  In the wagon was the baby Jesus.

He walked up to the boy and said, "Hello, son.  Where did you get the baby Jesus?"

The boy answered honestly, "From the church."

"Why did you take him?" the pastor asked.

"Well," said the boy, "I prayed to Jesus and asked him for a wagon for Christmas.  I told him that if He gave me one, I'd take Him for a ride in it."

_________________________________________________________

In 1776, the British suffered a major defeat in the Battle of Trenton during the Revolutionary War.

In 1799, former President George Washington was eulogized by Col. Henry Lee as "first in war, first in peace and first in the hearts of his countrymen."

In 1944, during the World War II Battle of the Bulge, the embattled U.S. 101st Airborne Division was relieved by units of the 4th Armored Division.

In 1966, Kwanzaa was first celebrated.

In 1972, the 33rd president of the United States, Harry S. Truman, died in Kansas City, Missouri, at age 88.

In 1980, Iranian television footage was broadcast in the United States, showing a dozen of the American hostages sending messages to their families.

________________________________________________________

Today--------------Actor Donald Moffat is 81, Actor Caroll Spinney (Big Bird on TV's Sesame Street) is 78, Rhythm-and-blues singer Abdul "Duke" Fakir (The Four Tops) is 76, Record producer Phil Spector is 72, "America's Most Wanted" host John Walsh is 66, Country musician Bob Carpenter (The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band) is 65, Baseball Hall-of-Famer Carlton Fisk is 64 and Retired MLB All-Star Chris Chambliss is 63.

________________________________________________________

December 26th is:  Boxing Day (Canada), National Candy Cane Day, National Thank-you Note Day and National Whiners Day.

________________________________________________________

Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's--------------true.........

Groan.  Christmas is over.  It's back to the same old grind.  What a depressing thought.  We need something to cheer us up.

Hey, how about one more Christmas joke!  Good idea.  Here goes.

Q:  Why is your job just like the Christmas holiday?
A:  You do all the work, and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit!

_____________________________________________________

In 1932, Radio City Music Hall opened in New York City.

In 1968, Apollo 8 and its three astronauts made a safe, nighttime splashdown in the Pacific.

In 2001, Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfield announced that Taliban and al-Qaida prisoners would be held at the U.S. Naval Base at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.
Also, President George W. Bush extended permanent normal trade status to China.

______________________________________________________

Today-------------Rockabilly musician Scotty Moore is 80, Actor John Amos is 72, Actress Charmian Carr (Film: "The Sound Of Music") is 69, ABC News correspondent Cokie Roberts is 68, Rock musician Mick Jones (Foreigner) is 67, Singer Tracy Nelson is 67, Actor Gerard Depardieu is 63, Jazz singer-musician T.S. Monk is 62 and Singer-songwriter Karla Bonoff is 60.

______________________________________________________

December 27th is:  National Fruitcake Day.

______________________________________________________

Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's--------big uh-oh................

Trevor's New Year's Eve party was in high gear when a man knocked on the door and was greeted heartily, though nobody knew him.  He was offered one drink, then another, then another.  He stayed two hours, chatting happily with the other revelers.

Finally, a troubled look crossed his face.  "You know," he said to Trevor, "I wasn't even invited to this party.  I just came over to tell you that one of your guests has blocked my driveway with his car."

Trevor said, "Oh, I'm sorry.  I'll ask around and get it straightened out.  I hope you haven't been inconvenienced."

"Oh, I don't mind at all," the man said.  "It's my wife who probably is upset."

"Where is she?" Trevor asked.

The man replied, "Well, when I left to come over here, she was in the car, waiting to back out."

______________________________________

In 1832, John C. Calhoun became the first vice president of the United States to resign, stepping down because of differences with President Andrew Jackson.

In 1846, Iowa became the 29th state to be admitted to the Union.

In 1945, Congress officially recognized the Pledge of Allegiance.

In 1971, film composer Max Stainer ("Gone With The Wind" among many others) died in Hollywood at age 83.

In 1981, Elizabeth Jordan Carr, the first American "test-tube" baby, was born in Norfolk, Virginia.

In 1991, nine people died in a crush to get into a rap celebrity basketball game at City College in New York.

_____________________________________________

Today------Former United Auto Workers union president Owen Bieber is 82, Actor Martin Milner is 80, Actress Nichelle Nichols is 79, Actress Dame Maggie Smith is 77, Rock singer-musician Charles Neville is 73, Sen. Johnny Isakson, R-Ga., is 67, Sen. Tim Johnson, D-S.D., is 65, Rock singer musician Edgar Winter is 65 and Comic Book creator Stan Lee is 89.

_____________________________________________

December 28th is:  Holy Innocent Day, Pledge of Allegiance Day and National Chocolate Day (28-29).

_____________________________________________

Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-------------hah...........

Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year and never sticking to them?  Here are some resolutions that you can actually accomplish!

You're welcome!

10. Read less.
9.  Gain weight.
8.  Stop exercising.
7.  Watch more TV.
6.  Procrastinate.
5.  Drink more.
4.  Quit trying to be nice to people.
3.  Do less work around the house and yard.
2.  Cook less.  Eat out more.
1.  Take up a new habit, like smoking.

_______________________________________

In 1845, Texas was admitted as the 28th state.

In 1890, the Wounded Knee massacre took place in South Dakota as an estimated 300 Sioux Indians were killed by U.S. troops sent to disarm them.

In 2006, word reached the United States of the execution of former Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein (because of the time difference, it was the morning of Dec. 30 in Iraq when the hanging took place).  In a statement, President George W. Bush called Saddam's execution a milestone on Iraq's road to democracy.

In 2006, Gerald R. Ford's flag draped casket was carried into a church in Palm Desert for a public viewing that marked the start of six days of mourning for the former president.

_____________________________________________

Today-----------Actress Inga Swenson is 79, Actress Mary Tyler Moore is 75, Actor Jon Voight is 73, Country singer Ed Bruce is 72, Jockey Laffit Pincay, Jr. is 65, Actor Ted Danson is 64, Actor Jon Polito is 61, Singer-actress Yvonne Elliman is 60 and Singer Marianne Faithful is 65.

_____________________________________________

December 29th is:  Tick Tock Day.

_____________________________________________

Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-------------Golden New Year's quotes............

Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions.  Next week you can begin paving the road to hell with them.
Mark Twain

Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.
Oscar Wilde

Talk about losing one's inhibitions!  Some people drink so much on New Year's Eve, they actually kiss the person to whom they are married. 
P.J. O'Rourke

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in.  A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
Bill Vaughn

___________________________________________________

In 1853, the United States and Mexico signed a treaty under which the U.S. agreed to buy some 45,000 square miles of land from Mexico for $10 million in a deal known as the Gadsden Purchase.

In 1936, the United Auto Workers union staged its first "sit-down" strike at the General Motors Fisher Body Plant No. 1 in Flint, Michigan.  (The strike lasted until Feb. 11, 1937.)

In 1940, California's first freeway, the Arroyo Seco Parkway connecting Los Angeles to Pasadena was officially opened by Gov. Culbert L. Olson.  (This freeway is now more commonly referred to as the Pasadena Freeway.)

___________________________________________________

Today------------Actor Joseph Bologna is 77, Actor Russ Tamblyn is 77, Baseball Hall-of-Famer Sandy Koufax is 76, Actor Jack Riley is 76, Actor Fred Ward is 69, Singer Davy Jones is 66, Actress Concetta Tomei is 66, Singer Patty Smith is 65 and Rock singer-musician Jeff Lynne is 64.

___________________________________________________

December 30th is:  Bacon Day and Falling Needles Family Fest Day.

____________________________________________________

Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's------------uh oh............

It was New Year's Eve at the local pub, and everyone had been partying for hours.  All the regulars were there, with their wives, dancing and laughing and raising cups of cheer.  As midnight approached, the longtime barmaid, a sentimental soul named Marilyn, called for attention and announced, "Everyone!  When the clock strikes 12, I want to see all the husbands embracing and kissing that one special someone who makes their life worth living!"

Well, it was sort of embarrassing what happened next.  At the stroke of midnight, Marilyn was almost crushed to death by all the men who crowded around to kiss her.

___________________________________________

In 1879, Thomas Alva Edison first publicly demonstrated his electric incandescent light in Menlo Park, New Jersey.

In 1946, President Harry S. Truman officially proclaimed the end of hostilities in World War II.

In 1985, singer Rick Nelson, 45, and six other people were killed when fire broke out aboard a DC-3 that was taking the group to a New Year's Eve performance in Dallas.

In 2001, Notre Dame tapped Tyrone Willingham to be its football coach, replacing George O'Leary, who'd resigned because of misstatements about his academic and athletic achievements on his resume; Willingham became the first black head coach in any sport for the Irish.

_________________________________________________

Today----------TV producer George Schlatter is 79, Actor Sir Anthony Hopkins is 74, Actor Tim Considine ("My Three Sons") is 71, Actress Sarah Miles is 70, Rock musician Andy Summers is 69, Actor Sir Ben Kingsley is 68, Producer-director Taylor Hackford is 67, Fashion designer Diane von Furstenberg is 65, Actor Tim Matheson is 64, Pop singer Burton Cummings (The Guess Who) is 64, Singer Donna Summer is 63, Actor Joe Dallesandro is 63 and Rock musician Tom Hamilton (Aerosmith) is 60.

_________________________________________________

December 31st is:  Make Up Your Mind Day, No Interruptions Day, Universal Hour Of Peace Day, World Peace Meditation Day and New Year's Eve.

_________________________________________________

Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's------------A NEW YEAR'S DAY PRAYER............

Dear Lord,
So far, so good.
I haven't broken a single one of my New Year's resolutions.
I have not gossiped or lost my temper or said a cross word to anyone.
I haven't been selfish or greedy.
I have not shirked my duties or fallen behind in my chores.
I have refrained from tobacco and strong drink
I have counted my calories.
I'm very thankful for all these things...........

But, in a few minutes, Lord, I'm going to get out of bed, and from that moment on I will need a lot of help!

_____________________________________________

In 1890, the first Tournament of Roses was held in Pasadena, CA.

In 1913, the U.S. Parcel Post system went into operation.

In 1942, The Rose Bowl was played in Durham, N.C., because of security concerns in the wake of the Pearl Harbor attack; Oregon State defeated Duke, 20-16.

In 1953, country singer Hank Williams Sr., 29, was discovered dead in the back seat of his car during a stop in Oak Hill, WVA., while he was being driven to a concert date in Canton, Ohio.

In 1962, the Beatles (with Pete Best) auditioned in London for Decca Records, which opted to sign Brian Poole and the Tremeloes instead.

_______________________________________________

Today---------------Former Sen. Ernest Hollings, D-S.C., is 90, Actor Ty Hardin is 82, Documentary maker Frederick Wiseman is 82, Actor Frank Langella is 74, Rock singer-musician Country Joe McDonald is 70, Writer-comedian Don Novello is 69, Actor Rick Hurst is 66 and Country singer Steve Ripley (The Tractors) is 62.

_______________________________________________

January 1st is:  Copyright Law Day, Ellis Island Day, Euro Day, First Foot Day, Global Family Day, Mummer's Parade. Polar Bear Plunge or Swim Day, New Year's Dishonor List Day, Saint Basil's Day, Z Day and New Year's Day.

_______________________________________________

Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's--------------Questions for the New Year:

If you mix vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, do you get a Phillips screwdriver?

When someone offers you "a penny for your thoughts," and you "put in your two cents," what happens to the other penny?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen are defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, cowboys deranged, models deposed and dry cleaners depressed?

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

______________________________________________

In 1811, Sen. Timothy Pickering, a Federalist from Massachusetts became the first member of the U.S. Senate to be censured after he'd improperly revealed the contents of an executive document.

In 1921, religious services were broadcast for the first time as KDKA in Pittsburgh aired the regular Sunday service of the city's Calvary Episcopal Church.

In 1935, Bruno Hauptmann went on trial in Flemington, N.J., on charges of kidnapping and murdering the 20-month-old son of Charles and Anne Lindbergh.  (Hauptmann was found guilty and executed.)

In 1960, Sen. John F. Kennedy of Massachusetts launched his successful bid for the presidency.

___________________________________________

Today------------Country musician Harold Bradley is 86, Former House Speaker Dennis Hastert is 70, TV host Jack Hanna is 65 and Actress Wendy Phillips is 60.

___________________________________________

January 2nd is:  "Thank God It's Monday" Day, National Buffet Day, Tournament of Roses Parade Day, Rose Bowl Game, National Weigh-in Day, Happy New Year For Cats Day, National Motivation and Inspiration Day, National Personal Trainer Awareness Day and 55-MPH Speed Limit Day.

___________________________________________

Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's------------wiser now..............

A holy man is sitting in a circle with his disciples when an angel appears from the heavens and says to him, "In return for your exemplary life and long years of devoted services, the Almighty has decided to grant you your choice of limitless wealth or infinite wisdom."

Without hesitating, the holy man selects wisdom.

"Done!" the angel says, then disappears in a flash of light and cloud of smoke.

Now, all heads turn toward the holy man, who sits surrounded by a halo of light.  He is motionless.  He is lost in thought.

Finally, one of the disciples whispers, "Master, say something."

The holy man sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."

_______________________________________________

In 1938, the March of Dimes campaign to fight polio was organized.

In 1958, the first six members of the newly formed U.S. Commission on Civil Rights held their first meeting at the White House.

In 1961, President Dwight D. Eisenhower announced the United States was formally terminating diplomatic and consular relations with Cuba.

In 1967, Jack Ruby, the man who shot and killed accused presidential assassin Lee Harvey Oswald, died in a Dallas hospital.

In 1980, conservationist Joy Adamson, author of "Born Free," was killed in northern Kenya by a former employee.

________________________________________________

Today---------------Record producer Sir George Martin is 86, Actor Robert Loggia is 82, Actor Dabney Coleman is 80, Journalist-author Betty Rollin is 76, Hockey Hall-of-Famer Bobby Hull is 73, Singer-songwriter-producer Van Dyke Parks is 69, Musician Stephen Stills is 67, Actress Victoria Principal is 62 and Rock musician John Paul Jones (Led Zeppelin) is 66.

________________________________________________

January 3rd is:  Drinking Straw Day, J.R.R. Tolkien Day, Memento Mori "Remember You Die" Day and National Chocolate Covered Cherry Day.

________________________________________________

Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's----------------haha..............

An employee asks for a raise.  The boss says he is sorry, but the economy is just too tight.

Employee:  "I understand, and I've loved working here for the past 20 years, but I have five companies after me right now, and I have to think of my future."

Boss:  "Well, I can't afford to do this, but you are an excellent employee and I don't want to lose you.   How about a 10 percent raise and an extra week's vacation?"

Employee:  "Excellent."

Later that day, the boss accompanies the employee to payroll where the appropriate forms are signed.  Afterward, the boss says, "Just out of curiosity, what were those other companies that were after you?"

Employee:  "Oh, there was the mortgage company, the phone company, the electric company, the gas company, the water company..............."

__________________________________________________

In 1821, the first native-born saint, Elizabeth Ann Seton, died in Emmitsburg, MD.

In 1861, Alabama seized a federal arsenal at Mount Vernon near Mobile.

In 1896, Utah was admitted as the 45th state.

In 1935, President Franklin D. Roosevelt, in his State of the Union address, called for legislation to provide assistance for the jobless, elderly, impoverished children and the handicapped.

In 1965, President Lyndon B. Johnson outlined the goals of his "Great Society" in his State of the Union Address.

In 1974, President Richard M. Nixon refused to hand over tape recordings and documents subpoenaed by the Senate Watergate Committee.

_______________________________________________

Today------------Actress Barbara Rush is 85, Football Hall-of-Fame coach Don Shula is 82, Actress Dyan Cannon is 75, Opera singer Grace Bumbry is 75 and Author-historian Doris Kearns Goodwin is 69.

_______________________________________________

January 4th is:  Tom Thumb Day, Trivia Day, World Braille Day, World Hypnotism Day, Dimple Chad Day, Earth at Perihelion and Pop Music Chart Day.

________________________________________________

Larryj