another slice of wry

[larryJ]

Today's-------------

ROMANTIC THINGS OLD PEOPLE SAY TO EACH OTHER:

"Snookums, your hearing aid is right here on the nightstand.  Snookums?  SNOOKUMS!"

"Ouch!  I'm afraid you left your knitting needles on the sofa again, Lamby Pie."

"Honey Bunny!  You're back!  So, the neighbor finally shut up about her operations?"

"I don't know which button to push, Sugar Bunch."  "Try "Enter" or "Return".  Or, better yet, wait for the grandkids to come over, and ask them."

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In 1969, Leno and Rosemary LaBianca were murdered in their Los Angeles home by members of Charles Manson's cult, one day after actress Sharon Tate and four other people were slain.

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Today------------Actress Rhonda Fleming is 88, Singer Ronnie Spector is 68, Actor James Reynolds is 65, Rock musician-singer Ian Anderson (Jethro Tull) is 64 and Actor Director Tom Laughlin ("Billy Jack") is 80.

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August 10th is:  Perigen Tides Day, National Duran Duran Appreciation Day, S'mores Day and Smithsonian Day.

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Larryj

[Mom70x7]

Ah, Larry, my friend - you also missed National Lazy Day - today!

[larryJ]

Sorry, Mom, I was just too.....................well, you probably know.

Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's--------------gotta keep your priorities straight................

A group of good old boys went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day.  That night, one of the hunters returned alone, dragging an eight-point buck on a makeshift litter.

"Where's Henry?" the others asked.

"Henry broke his leg real bad.  He's bleeding and weak.  He's a couple miles back up the trail."

"You left Henry lyin' out there and dragged this deer back?"

"I know.  It was a tough call, sure enough.  But, then I figured no one's gonna steal Henry."

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In 1934, the first federal prisoners arrived at Alcatraz Island (a former military prison) in San Francisco Bay.

In 1965, rioting and looting that claimed 34 lives broke out in the predominately black Watts section of Los Angeles.

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Today---------------Actress Arlene Dahl is 83 and Computer scientist and Apple Co-founder Steve Wozniak is 61.

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August 11th is:  Ingersoll Day and President's Joke Day.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-------------busted..............

Hubby calls home on Friday afternoon.  "Hi, honey," he says to his wife.  "The boss invited me on a weekend fishing trip.  We're leaving right after work.  Can you get out my tackle box and also pack a small suitcase?  I'll swing by and grab them on my way out."

Wife:  "Well, OK."

Hubby:  "Oh, and be sure and pack my new silk pajamas."

Wife:  "You need silk pajamas on a fishing trip?"

Hubby:  "Well, I have to break them in sometime."

She packed his things.  He picks them up, and off he went.  Three days later he returned.

Wife:  "How did it go?"

Hubby:  "Great!  We fished like crazy.  We caught wall-eyes, bass, a few pike.  The whole weekend was fantastic.  But you forgot to pack my silk pajamas."

Wife:  "No, I didn't.  I put them in your tackle box."

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In 1985, the world's worst single-aircraft disaster occurred as a crippled Japan Air Lines Boeing 747 on a domestic flight crashed into a mountain, killing 520 people.  (Four people survived.)

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Today---------------Actor George Hamilton is 72, Actress Dana Ivey is 70, Actress Jennifer Warren is 70, Rock singer Mark Knopfler (Dire Straits) is 62, Singer Kid Creole is 61 and All Around Nice Guy and Fellow Forum Member, ME, is 68! Oh yeah, Granddaughter #2 is 3.

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August 12th is:  Vinyl Record Day, International Youth Day, Kool-Aid Day (12-14), and Sewing Machine Day.

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Larryj

[Diane Amberg]

Hey! Happy Birthday Mr. all around nice guy. You are a special friend. Give your granddaughter a birthday hug from us.

[larryJ]

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I WILL BE AT THE BEACH FROM NOW UNTIL NEXT SATURDAY.  THE LAST TIME I WENT I WAS ABLE TO KEEP GOING ON THIS COLUMN.  HOWEVER, AS WE ARE TAKING TWO GRANDDAUGHTERS WITH US THIS TIME, I DON'T KNOW IF I WILL BE ABLE TO KEEP UP WITH THIS THREAD.  I WILL TRY MY DARNDEST THOUGH.  I WOULDN'T WANT TO LET YOU DOWN!

Today's----------A Sunday joke on a Saturday...........

A young man and a priest are playing golf.  On the tee of a short three-par hole, the priest asks, "What are you going to use here, my son?"

The young man says, "An eight-iron, Father.  How about you?"

The priest thinks for a moment, then says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."

The young man hits his eight-iron and puts the ball on the green.

The priest tops his seven-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.

The young man says, " I don't know about you, Father, but when we pray in my church, we keep our head down."

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In 1846, the American flag was raised for the first time in Los Angeles.

In 1910, Florence Nightingale, the founder of modern nursing, died at age 90.

In 1981, in a ceremony at his California ranch, President Ronald Reagan signed a historic package of tax and budget reductions.

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Today-------------Former Cuban President Fidel Castro is 85, Actress Gretchen Corbett is 64, Opera singer Kathleen Battle is 63, High wire aerialist Phillippe Petit is 62 and Hockey Hall-of-Famer Bobby Clarke is 62.

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August 13th is:  International Left-Hander's Day and National Garage Sale Day.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

I'M BAAAAACK!  

Today's------------------good one............

A six-year-old and a four-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom.  The older one says, "You know what?  I think it's about time we started cussing."

His younger brother nods in approval.

The six-year-old says, "OK, when we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with heck in it, and you say something with fanny in it."

The four-year-old agrees.

The boys proceed to the kitchen and sit down at the table.  Mom asks them what they want for breakfast.

The older boy says, "Heck, just give me some Cheerios."

WHACK!  Mom smacks him good.  He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up and runs upstairs, crying his eyes out.

Mom looks at the four-year-old and asks sternly, "What do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

Wide-eyed, the boy says, "I don't know, but you can bet your fanny it won't be Cheerios!"

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In 1866, President Andrew Johnson formally declared the Civil War over, months after fighting had stopped.

In 1920, pioneering American radio station BMK in Detroit (later WWJ) began daily broadcasting.

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Today---------U.S. Special Envoy George Mitchell is 78, Broadcast Journalist Connie Chung is 65 and Rock singer Robert Plant (Led Zeppelin) is 63.

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August 20th is:  International Homeless Animals Day, (World) Daffodil Day and Sandcastle and Sculpture Day.  (No, thanks, I have had enough of sand castles for awhile!)\

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's------------ouch..............

A frog called the Psychic Hot Line.

The psychic asked him a few questions, then said, "You will meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

"Wow," the frog said, "When is this going to happen?"

The psychic said, "Next semester in her biology class."

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In 1961, country singer Patsy Cline recorded the Willie Nelson song "Crazy" in Nashville for Decca Records.

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Today-------------Actor-director Melvin Van Peebles is 79, Playwright Mart Crowley (The Boys in the Band) is 76, Singer Kenny Rogers is 73, Actor Clarence Williams III is 72, Singer Jackie DeShannon is 70, Football Hall-of-Famer Willie Lanier is 66, Actress Patty McCormack is 66, Actress Loretta Devine is 62 and NBC newsman Harry Smith is 60.

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August 21st is:  Earth Overshoot Day or Ecological Debt Day, Poet's Day and Senior Citizens Day.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's--------------hah...........

A man and a little boy walk into the barbershop.  The man says, "We're both here for haircuts.  The boy is nervous so I'll go first."

After the man receives the full treatment -- shampoo, shave and a haircut -- he places the boy in the chair, then excuses himself.

"I have to run out and buy a tie.  I'll be back in a few minutes."

When the boy's haircut is completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber says, "Looks like your daddy forgot all about you."

"That's not my daddy," the boy says.  "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, boy, we're gonna get us some free haircuts!'"

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In 1851, the schooner America out-raced more than a dozen British vessels off the English coast to win a trophy that became to be known as the America's Cup.

In 1956, President Dwight D. Eisenhower and Vice President Richard M. Nixon were nominated for second terms in office by the Republican national convention in San Francisco.

In 1986, Kerr-McGee Corp. agreed to pay the estate of the late Karen Silkwood $1.38 million, settling a 10-year-old nuclear contamination lawsuit.

In 1989, Black Panthers co-founder Huey P. Newton was shot to death in Oakland.  (Gunman Tyrone Robinson was later sentenced to 32 years to life in prison.)

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Today------------Author Ray Bradbury is 91, Retired Gen. H. Norman Schwarzkopf is 77, Baseball Hall-of-Famer Carl Yastrzemski is 72, Football coach Bill Parcells is 70, CBS newsman Steve Kroft is 66, Actress Cindy Williams is 64 and Actress Valerie Harper is 72.

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August 22nd is:  Southern Hemisphere Hoodie Hoo Day and Be An Angel Day.

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Larryj