another slice of wry

[Catwoman]

Yowzaa... ...Didn't realize that much time had passed...Guess times flies while you're busy just surviving it...lol

[larryJ]

(Cat, the Duke would have turned 104 this last May.)

Today's--------------really funny............

A paraprosdokian is a two-part quotation in which the second part puts a surprise twist on the first part, often with humorous effect.

Example:

Never argue with an idiot.  He'll drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

I wish I could agree with you, but then we would both be wrong.

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.  Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

It only takes one careless match to start a forest fire.  Yet somehow, it takes a whole book of matches to start a campfire.

You don't need a parachute to skydive, but you do need one to skydive again.

Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go.

Sometimes my mind wanders.  Other times it goes away completely.

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In 1776, the Declaration of Independence was read aloud to Gen. George Washington's troops in New York.

In 1850, the 12th president of the United States, Zachary Taylor, died after serving 16 months of his term.

In 1896, William Jennings Bryan delivered his famous "Cross of gold" speech at the Democratic national convention in Chicago.

In 1918, The Distinguished Service Cross was established by an Act of Congress.

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Today-----------------Actor-singer Ed Ames is 84, Actor James Hampton is 75, Actor Brian Dennehy is 73, Author Dean Koontz is 66, Actor Chris Cooper is 60 and Actor Richard Roundtree is 69.

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July 9th is:  Bald In-Bald Out Day, Carver Day, Hop a Park Day and Martyrdom Of The Bab Day.

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Larryj

[Judy Harder]

I like this larry. thanks.

[Catwoman]

Thanks for the confirmatioin of the Duke's age, Larry...Although, now it's making me feel OLD...Pass the Geritol!! lol

[larryJ]

Today's---------------whatever works...........

I have a weight problem and now I know why.  It's my shampoo!

When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs all over me.  And I just noticed that the label on the shampoo bottle carries this direct warning:  "FOR EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY."

Well, I'm throwing the shampoo away.

I am going to start using dish detergent.  I just checked the bottle and the label says, "DISSOLVES HARD-TO-REMOVE FAT AND OTHER SOLIDS."

Problem solved.

Don't bother to call for awhile.  I'll be in the shower.

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In 1929, American paper currency was reduced in size as the government began issuing bills that were approximately 25 percent smaller.

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Today---------------Writer-producer Earl Hammer, Jr. is 88, Former New York City Mayor David N. Dinkins is 84, Actor Robert Pine is 70, International Tennis Hall-of-Famer Virginia Wade is 66, Actor Ron Glass is 66, Folk singer Arlo Guthrie is 64 and Former boxer Jake Lamotta is 90.

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July 10th is:  Clerihew Day, Pina Colada Day, Don't Step On A Bee Day and Teddy Bear Picnic Day.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's--------------more of them paradr------paraproi----paraprosdokians........

Again, for those who missed the first one of these, a paraprosdokian is a two-part quotation in which the second part puts a surprise twist on the first part, often with humorous effect.

Examples:

"You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing.  After they have tried everything else"  -- Winston Churchill

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it." --  Groucho Marx

"If I am reading this correctly, I'd be very surprised."  --  Stephen Colbert

"She looks like she has been poured into her clothes, and forgot to say when."  --  P.G. Wodehouse

"If I could say a few words .....  I'd be a better public speaker."  ---  Homer Simpson

"I haven't slept for ten days.  That would be too long."  ---  Mitch Hedberg

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In 1798, (Just for Jarhead) the U.S. Marine Corps was formally re-established by a congressional act that also created the Marine Band.

In 1804, Vice President Aaron Burr mortally wounded former Treasury Secretary Alexander Hamilton during a pistol duel in Weehawken, NJ.

In 1952, the Republican National Convention meeting in Chicago, nominated Dwight D. Eisenhower for president and Richard M. Nixon for vice president.

In 1979, the abandoned U.S. space station Skylab made a spectacular return to Earth, burning up in the atmosphere and showering debris over the Indian Ocean and Australia.

In 1989, actor and director Laurence Olivier died in Steyning, West Sussex, England at age 82.

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Today----------------Actor Tab Hunter is 80, Actress Susan Seaforth Hayes is 68, Singer Jeff Hanna (The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band) is 64, Ventriloquist-actor Jay Johnson is 62, Actor Bruce McGill is 61 and Singer Bonnie Pointer is 61.

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July 11th is:  Bowdlers Day, World Population Day and International Town Crier Day.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's----------------appears to be paraprosdokian week........these are good

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way.  So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.  Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Light travels faster than sound.  This is why some people appear to be bright until you hear them speak.

Wars do not determine who is right.  They do, however, determine who is left.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.  To steal from many is research.

God is watching us.  The least we can do is be entertaining.

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In 1862, President Abraham Lincoln signed a bill passed by Congress authorizing the Medal of Honor.

In 1960, the Etch-A-Sketch Magic Screen drawing toy, invented by French electrician Andre Cassagnes, was first produced by the Ohio Art Company.

In 1984, Democratic presidential candidate Walter F. Mondale announced he'd chosen Rep. Geraldine Ferraro of New York to be his running mate; Ferraro was the first woman to run for vice-president on a major-party ticket.

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Today-------------Movie director Monte Hellman is 79, Pianist Van Cliburn is 77, Comedian Bill Cosby is 74, Singer-musician Christine McVie is 68, Actress Denise Nichols is 67, Singer-songwriter Butch Hancock is 66, Actor Jay Thomas is 63, Singer Walter Egan is 63, Actress Cheryl Ladd is 60 and Fitness Guru Richard Simmons is 63.

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July 12th is:  Different Colored Eyes Day and Pecan Pie Day.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's---------------more of those........ whatever

A bus station is where a bus stops, and a train station is where is train stops.  On my desk, I have a work station.

They say 4 out of 5 people suffer from occasional diarrhea.  Evidently, 1 out of 5 enjoys it.

You think no one cares if you are alive?  Try missing a couple of payments.

I thought I wanted a career.  Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion.  He said OK, you're ugly too.

I used to be indecisive.  Not I am not so sure.

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In 1923, a sign consisting of 50-foot-tall letters spelling out "Hollywoodland" was dedicated in the Hollywood Hills to promote a sub-division.  (The last four letters were removed in 1949; the sign itself was replaced in 1978.)

In 1960, John F. Kennedy won the Democratic presidential nomination on the first ballot at his party's convention in Los Angeles.

In 1977, a blackout lasting 25 hours hit the New York City area.

In 1985, "Live Aid" an international rock concert in London, Philadelphia, Moscow and Sydney, took place to raise money for Africa''s starving people.

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Today--------------Actor Patrick Stewart is 71, Actor Robert Forster is 70, Actor Harrison Ford is 69, Singer-guitarist Roger McGuinn (The Byrds) is 60, Actress Daphne Maxwell Reid is 63, Actress Didi Conn is 60 and Actor-comedian Cheech Marin is 65.

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July 13th is:  Embrace Your Geekness Day and Gruntled Workers Day.

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Larryj

[Diane Amberg]

...and in 1977,nine months after the blackout, New York had a baby boomlet.

[Catwoman]

LOL...Gee...A lack of electricity does wonders...