another slice of wry

[larryJ]

Today's----------------OUCH!

A woman visited a palm reader to have her fortune told.

"I see you are in love with a tall man with reddish hair and a gold tooth that is quite visible when he smiles," the palm reader said.

"My goodness, that's right!"

"I see he has asked you to marry him."

"Why, that is correct!"

"And his name is Bill Jones."

"That's incredible.  How can you tell so much from the lines ?"

"Oh, it's not the lines on your hand that are telling me," the palm reader said.  "It's the ring on your finger.  It's the same one I gave back to Bill Jones two weeks ago."

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In 1934, the Securities and Exchange Commission was established.

In 1944, during World War II, Allied forces stormed the beaches of Normandy, France, on "D-Day," beginning the liberation of German-occupied western Europe.

In 1966, black activist James Meredith was shot and wounded as he walked along a Mississippi highway to encourage black voter registration.

In 1978, California voters approved Proposition 13, a primary ballot initiative calling for major cuts in property taxes.

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Today---------------Actress Billie Whitelaw is 79, Civil-rights activist Roy Innis is 77, Singer-songwriter Gary "U.S." Bonds is 72, Country singer Joe Stampley is 68, Actor Robert Englund is 64 and Singer Dwight Twilley is 60.

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June 6th is:  D-Day and Drive-in Movie Day.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's----------------This guy needs help

The bachelor did not know the first thing about babies.  But when his sister had one, he traveled out of state to visit.  It was not his idea, quite frankly.  His sister pressured him.  Even his own friends pressured him.

He stayed a week, and spent a great deal of time observing the baby.  When he returned, his friends asked him for a report.  What did he think of the baby, they wanted to know.

He thought for a moment, then said, "He's terribly stunted, quite wrinkled, and very red in the face.  He babbles constantly, but makes no sense at all.  It's very sad to see someone like that, but there's no help for him.  He's a very hard drinker."

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In 1769, frontiersman Daniel Boone first began to explore present-day Kentucky.

In 1939, King George VI and his wife, Queen Elizabeth, arrived at Niagara Falls, NY, from Canada on the first visit to the United States by a reigning British Monarch.

In 1967, the Haight Ashbury Free Medical Clinic opened in San Francisco.

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Today-----------Movie director James Ivory is 83, Actress Virginia McKenna is 80, Singer Tom Jones is 71, Poet Nikki Giovanni is 68, Actor Ken Osmond ("Leave It To Beaver") is 68, Former talk show host Jenny Jones is 65 and Actress Anne Twomey is 60.

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June 7th is:  Daniel Boone Day and VCR Day.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's--------------hah

On a very hot day a man was standing is a long line to get into an ice cream parlor.  Just behind him in line, a woman complained incessantly.  She complained about the long line.  She complained that she was on a diet and shouldn't be eating ice cream.  Then she went back to complaining about the line again. And then her diet again.  She wouldn't stop.

Finally, the man had heard enough.  He turned to the woman and said, crossly, "So, which is it?  You can't handle the wait?  Or, you can't handle the weight?"

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In 1845, Andrew Jackson, seventh president of the United States, died in Nashville, Tenn.

In 1864, Abraham Lincoln was nominated for another term as president during the National Union (Republican) Party's convention in Baltimore.

In 1953, the Supreme Court ruled that restaurants in the District of Columbia could not refuse to serve blacks.

In 1966, a merger was announced between the National and American Leagues, to take effect in 1970.

In 1978, a jury in Clark County, Nevada, ruled the so-called "Mormon will" purportedly written by Howard Hughes, was a forgery.

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Today------------Former first lady Barbara Bush is 86, Actor-comedian Jerry Stiller is 84, Comedian Joan Rivers is 78, Actress Millicent Martin is 77, Actor James Darren is 75, Actor Bernie Casey is 72, Singer Nancy Sinatra is 71, Singer Chuck Negron (Three Dog Night) is 69, Musician Boz Scaggs is 67, Actress Sonia Braga is 61 and Actress Kathy Baker is 61.

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June 8th is:  Shavuot (8-9), Upsy-Daisy Day and World Ocean Day.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's--------------hah

An inebriated fellow was making unsteady progress down the sidewalk.  A passing cop stopped and asked him, "Are you OK?"

The man paused and turned wobbily to face his questioner.  He struggled to focus his eyes.  Then he pointed a finger at the cop and declared, "Sir, I am looking for Alcoholics Anonymous."

The cop said, "That's good.  You're just a block away.  Are you planning to join?"

The drunk frowned, the answered with indignation, "Join?  I should say not.  I'm going to resign!"

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In 1909, Alice Huyler Ramsey, 22, set out from New York in a Maxwell DA on a journey to become the first woman to drive across the United States.  (Ramsey and three female companions arrived in San Francisco on Aug. 7.)

In 1954, during the Senate-Army Hearings, Army special counsel Joseph N. Welch berated Sen. Joseph R. McCarthy, asking:  "Have you no sense of decency, sir?  At long last, have you left no sense of decency?"

In 1978, leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints struck down a 148-year-old policy of excluding black men from the Mormon priesthood.

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Today-----------------Actress Mona Freeman is 85, Media analyst Marvin Kalb is 81, Sports commentator Dick Vitale is 72, Author Letty Cottin Pogrebin is 72 and Rock musician Jon Lord is 70.

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June 9th is:  Donald Duck Day  (Did you know that Donald has a middle name?  Do you know what it is?)

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's---------------That's what she said

Women are intuitive.  Men are more literal-minded.  They follow instructions to the letter.  This can lead to problems.

Wife:  "Could you please stop by the store on your way home tonight?"
Husband:  "Sure, what do you need?"
Wife:  "Pick up a carton of milk.  And it they have brown eggs, get 12."

That night, hubby comes home with 12 cartons of milk.

Wife: "Why on earth did you buy 12 cartons of milk?"
Husband:  "Because they had brown eggs."

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In 1610, Englishman Lord De La Warr arrived at the Jamestown settlement to take charge of the Virginia Colony.

In 1907, 11 men and five cars set out from the French embassy in Beijing on a race to Paris.  (Prince Scipione Borghese of Italy was the first to arrive in the French capital two months later.)

In 1935, Alcoholics Anonymous was founded in Akron, Ohio, by Dr. Robert Holbrook Smith and William Griffith Wilson.

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Today-------------Britain's Prince Philip is 90, Columnist Nat Hentoff is 86, Attorney F. Lee Bailey is 78 and Singer Shirley Alston Reeves (The Shirelles) is 70,

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June 10th is:  Ballpoint Pen Day and Iced Tea Day.

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Larryj 

[W. Gray]

Sorry, I am late

Donald Fauntleroy Duck

[Wilma]

Gosh, I hope I survive that one.

[W. Gray]

Wilma,

I bet you did not know Donald's middle name, but the question was asked earlier on this thread and I let it get by me.

And, about three years ago when I posted the history of the Duck family, I did not even have that middle name included.

[larryJ]

Today's--------------Oh no.

The boss confronted the employee and handed him a small photo.  "What do you see here?" he demanded.

The employee studied the image and said, "It looks like two people dining by candlelight in a romantic restaurant, but I can't really make out the details."

The boss produced a 5x7 inch enlargement.  "What do you see now?"

The employee said, "Why, I think that's your wife, but I'm not certain."

The boss handed him a 10x12 inch enlargement.  "How about now?"

The employee said, "Yes, that's your wife.  And that's me with her."

The boss said, "What do you intend to do about it?"

The employee said, "Well, if you'll give me a raise, I can afford the whole set.  Otherwise, I'll just take a dozen of the wallet-size."

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In 1770, Captain James Cook, commander of the British ship Endeavour, discovered the Great Barrier Reef by running into it.

In 1776, the Continental Congress formed a committee to draft a Declaration of Independence calling for freedom from Britain.

In 1947, the government announced the end of household and institutional sugar rationing , to take effect the next day.

In 1971, the year-and-a-half-long occupation of Alcatraz Island in San Francisco Bay by American Indian activists ended as federal officers evicted the remaining protesters.

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Today-------------Opera singer Rise Stevens is 98, Actor Gene Wilder is 78, Actor Chad Everett is 74, Comedian Johnny Brown is 74, International Motorsports Hall-of-Famer Jackie Stewart is 72, Singer Joey Dee is 71 and Actress Adrienne Barbeau is 66.

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June 11th is:  Belmont Stakes Day, Corn On The Cob Day and The Wicket World of Croquet Day.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-------------ooookkkaaayyy

The chief constable of a tiny town in the Appalachians was also an expert veterinary surgeon.  One night his phone rang.

"Is Mr. Wiggins there?" said the agitated person on the other end.

"Yes, this is Mr. Wiggins.  Do you need me in my capacity as constable, or in my capacity as veterinarian?"

"Both," came the reply.  "We can't get our new bulldog to open its mouth.  And there's a burglar in it."

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In 1967, the Supreme Court in Loving vs. Virginia struck down state laws prohibiting interracial marriages.

In 1981, "Raiders of the Lost Ark," directed by Steven Spielberg and starring Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones, was first released.

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Today-------------Banker/philanthropist David Rockefeller is 96, Former president George H.W. Bush is 87, Singer Vic Damone is 83, Songwriter Richard Sherman is 83, Jazz musician Chuck Corea is 70, Sportscaster Marv Alpert is 70, Singer Roy Harper is 70, Rock singer Reg Presley (The Troggs) is 70 and Actor-singer Jim Nabors (Gomer Pyle) is 81.

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June 12th is:   Abused Women And Children's Day, Crowded Nest Awareness Day, Loving Day, Orthodox Pentecost, Raggedy Ann and Andy Day, Ride The Wind Day or World Wind Day, Race Unity Day and Whitsunday.

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Larryj