The Lighter Side of Theology

[Judy Harder]

     (From  the Lighter Side of Theology) 


CHANGING  A LIGHT BULB THE CHRISTIAN  WAY
How  many Christians does it take to change a light  bulb?

Charismatic  :  Only 1
Hands are already in the air. 

Pentecostal  : 10
One to change the bulb, and nine to pray  against the spirit of darkness. 

Presbyterians  : None
Lights will go on and off at  predestined times.

Roman  Catholic:  None - Candles only.

Baptists  :  At least 15.
One to change the light bulb,  and three committees to approve the change and  decide who brings the potato salad and fried  chicken.

Episcopalians:  3
One  to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks  and one to talk about how much better the old  one was.

Methodists  :  Undetermined
Whether your light is bright,  dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can  be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb.  Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday  lighting service and a covered dish to pass. 

Nazarene  :  6
One woman to replace the bulb while five  men review church lighting policy. 

Lutherans  : None
Lutherans don't believe in change. 

Amish  :
What's  a light bulb?

[Judy Harder]

A Rare Book
A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away an old Bible that he found in a dusty, old box. He happened to mention that Guten-somebody-or-other had printed it.

"Not Gutenberg?" Gasped the collector.

"Yes, that was it!""You idiot! You've thrown away one of the first books ever printed. A copy recently sold at an auction for half a million dollars!"

"Oh, I don't think this book would have been worth anything close to that much," replied the man. "It was scribbled all over in the margins by some guy named Martin Luther."

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Friendly Pastor
After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. He greeted her with a hug and a kiss, and gave her another hug and kiss when he left. Later, the wife's roommate commented, Your pastor is sure friendlier than mine.

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The Importance of Fresh Produce
Two boys, aged eight and four, were discussing Adam and Eve.

The 8-year-old asked: "How did Adam and Eve die?"

And the 4-year-old said: "They ate bad fruit."

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God is Watching
Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, "Take only one, God is watching."

At the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. Moving through the line a boy wrote another note to leave by the cookies, "Take all you want, God is watching the apples."

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An Atheistïs Hell
A young lady came home from a date looking rather sad. She told her mother, "Arthur proposed to me an hour ago."

"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.

"Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell."

Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."[/b]