If I were da Big Guy in Charge...

[Warph]

I have always contended that anybody who seeks the presidency is an egomaniac, every bit as certifiably crackers as those poor souls wandering around the grounds of the asylum insisting they're Napoleon.


Still, I'm generally willing to cut people a reasonable amount of slack.  But it's quite another thing to pretend that a narcissistic Community Organizer with just four years in the Senate, two of which he spent on the "hustings," is qualified to be the leader of the free world.  Even if I approved of his left-wing agenda, I'd find it impossible to make a case for him.  Frankly, if it were up to me, I'd send this Napoleon wannabe to Elba.

I, on the other hand, a mature and seasoned individual who has never set foot in a law school, would make an ideal leader.  However, I'm put off by politics.  Rather than presidential material, I see myself in the role of a "BENEVOLENT DICTATOR."

Two things: First, I'd clean up Baseball.  To begin with, I'd remove all the tainted statistics from the record book of every player guilty of having used performance-enhancing drugs.     

Next, I'd kick all 105 major leaguers who were found to be using them, OUT OF THE GAME! 

Then, I'd boot Bud Selig out as Commissioner and hang him by his gonads from the flagpole at Yankee Stadium.  By not policing baseball as he should have, he encouraged players to cheat.  And for that, he was getting paid about $17 million a year.  That's a lot of moolah for some idiotic schmoe who can't hit, run, throw or catch.

After straightening out baseball, the second thing I would do is I would turn my attention to Washington, D.C.  With me in charge, I would have frontal labotomies performed on the following people: (although, it probably wouldn't make much difference) Nancy Pelosi, Barbara Boxer, Harry Reid, Charles Schumer, Pat Leahy, Charley Rangel, Rambo Emanuel, and Chris Dodo, and then send them home where they would all be free to play with the grandkids.     

Robert Byrd, who has already had a  frontal lobotomy, would be free to go home and play with the great-great-great-grandkids.

Barney Frank.... heh heh heh... would just be free to go home and play.... with the local chapter of "SkinHeads, Inc.".

Barack Hussein Obama?  On second thought, Elba would be too nice for him.  Instead, I would send this son of a bitch to Gitmo for his play-time with all his Chicago cronies.

With no further need of a Supreme Court, we'd no longer have to sit through such spectacles as seeing the likes of Ted Kennedy, John Kerry and Arlen Specter, sitting in judgment of their betters, people such as Clarence Thomas and Charles Pickering.

People like Bob Beckel and James Carville, who have spent their lives sucking at the teat of the DNC, would have to find honest work, and I'd see to it that Bill Maher, Keith Olbermann, Chris Matthews and Al Franken, found employment as a barbershop quartet.  After all, they're already in perfect harmony, so let these bozos sing for their supper at Gitmo.

As for George Soros, a man who simultaneously manages to give Hungarians, Jews and money-changers, a bad name, he would go on trial for being a Nazi collaborator.  To be fair, he was still a teenager at the time.  But, like Bill Ayers, he is proudly unrepentant.  As he explained to Steve Croft on "60 Minutes," if he hadn't helped the Nazis confiscate the belongings of his fellow Jews, someone else would have.  And, no, he went on, he's never been troubled by bad dreams or a guilty conscience when he watched his friends and neighbors being herded into boxcars.  As the big guy, I would help this piece of garbage into a well precision wood chipper and hit the switch myself.

Finally, if I were still da boss, we'd hear no more claptrap about the Fairness Doctrine.  In case anyone is wondering why, after all these years, the Democrats have declared war on Rush Limbaugh, it's not entirely their clumsy attempt to distract us from the crumbling economy and Obama's heavy-handed attempt to turn us into the Soviet Union of America, it's to help gain popular support for the more aptly named "Censorship Bill."  After all, the other side only has the Oval Office, the House, the Senate, NBC, ABC, CBS, CNN, MSNBC, PBS, the New York Times, the L.A. Times, Newsweek, Time and the Washington Post, whereas the all-powerful conservatives have talk radio and Fox.  As the liberals are so fond of saying, "it's just not fair!"

[Catwoman]

 

[Warph]

Catwoman, I see you're rolling your cat eyes again.... what seems to bother you?

[Catwoman]

If to lead is what you would seek, then bear this simple truth in mind...
To lead, you must first bend to serve and be a balm to all of mankind.
For it is not a thing of pride to be able to bend them all...
It is rather a thing of greatest trust that would cushion the hardest fall.
Extend your hand to every man, regardless of their plight...
Keep that hand extended, even through the darkest night.
For leadership is only that when helps others reach their destinies...
It is not for personal gain that you lead...It is for the fulfillment of His needs.

Copyright 2009 by Catwoman...Written for O...As if it would mean anything to him.

Warph...

I roll my eyes because you're cute.    No other reason.  I am not God, but if I were...Nope, not even then. 

[Varmit]

Warph, for labotomies to work those people would have to have brains, and not be autotoms whose binary code is written in B's and O's.

[larryJ]

Okay, Warph, that's it.  I am truly hurt   After 34 years of employment with my beloved Los Angeles Times I hate it when someone disses them.  On the other hand, you are absolutely correct in your assessment. 

For the first 28 years I was there, it was a good ole republican family owned newspaper that most national and all local politicians dared not to upset.  The power of one of the countries largest newspapers could make or break anybody running for office.  By the way, during that time the editors would list the companys (Chandler familys) choices for those running for office except for President.  When the Chicago Tribune took over the paper, there was a radical swing to the left.  A few years after that I was fortunate enough to retire.  Since the Tribune has taken over the paper it has lost nearly 50% of its advertising and nearly that much in subscribers.  Now, don't get me wrong. It isn't just the Times.  All newspapers are seeing the same situation as evidenced by the recent closures of some.  The Times did endorse Obama for President and back in 2004 endorsed Al Gore.  Endorsing a President was new and endorsing a democratic candidate for President was also new.  I left there in December 2005 and after having read every single page of the paper for 34 years, I have not picked up a Los Angeles Times since.  They still pay my retirement, but I earned that.  There are still good people who have a respect for good news production there.  Many who were my co-workers.  But it is just not the same.           Larryj

[Warph]

LOL.... I'm sorry, Larry.  I remember my dad telling me that the LATimes was his favorite newspaper.   We lived in Santa Barbara, CA in the 40's and he worked for the Carnation Company back then and as sales manager he would run ads in the Times. 
34 years, WOW.... you truly deserve a medal.  Here is something you might enjoy reading from the NYTimes on Otis Chandler's Obit... guy had quite a life.

Otis Chandler, Publisher Who Transformed Los Angeles Times, Dies at 78

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/02/28/obituaries/28chandler.html?pagewanted=1&_r=2

[larryJ]

Thanks Warph.  I had not seen the NY Times obit.  To those of us who knew him the loss was very sad.  He was known to us as Uncle Otis.  This was a publisher who would come to the pressroom and shake your hand and thank you for your hard work and continued devotion to the company.  He didn't care that your hand was greasy and inky.  His father, Norman, instigated the seven year plan for up and coming family members who would someday run the paper.  He felt that to effectively run a newspaper you had to know every facet of every department.  So the new guy would work in every department for a few months and then move on to the next one.  Otis went through this and I had the pleasure of helping teach his son for a while in the pressroom.  This was the son who would die of brain cancer later on.  Otis' mother was Dorothy Buffum Chandler.  The Buffums owned a chain of department stores in California.  She was always Buffy to us.  We once ran a rather sexy lingerie ad in brilliant color which was something we had never done.  The word going around the pressroom was that Buffy was rolling over in her grave and trying to get out to stop the presses.  Buffy was instrumental in building the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion in downtown LA, home to the LA Philharmonic and sometimes the various awards shows, etc.  Our building was downtown LA and we were allowed to go out the door onto second street and have a smoke break.  Across the street was a gas station and occasionally when 5 PM rolled around you would see Otis putting gas in one of his vintage cars or the Porshe.  He would always wave and tell us to have a good night.  Sorry to rant, but this was a man I truly respected.  As far as his departure from the company, his cousins basically forced him out and sold out to Triibune pretty much against his wishes, but they had the most shares.    Larryj

[sixdogsmom]

How interesting! I am happy to have you here on the forum with real inside info. Welcome Larry! 

[larryJ]

Thank you, sixdogsmom, I really enjoy this forum.  Being a early riser (a bad habit from working early shifts for so long) and my wife who sleeps in, I get my coffee and sign on to the forum to brighten my day. 

On being da guy in charge, I am reminded of my younger years.  I was working in a gas station back when gas attendants actually pumped the gas, cleaned the windows, checked the oil, tires, etc.  The boss had hired a new guy to replace an older gentleman who was going to retire.  The new guy was really pathetic because he just couldn't learn what the old guy was trying to teach him.  I noticed that the old guy was silent many times when the new guy would make a mistake.  So I asked him, "Why don't you point out his errors more often than you do?".   His reply was, "Back when I started there was a guy teaching me how to do this job and he let me make mistakes as long as I wasn't in danger and that is how I learned to be the best.  He needs to learn by his mistakes more than words from me".   

AND, by the way. Warph, I applaud the efforts to clean up baseball and agree with you on removing the records from the book.  However, one of those guys (Giambi) went to school in this neighborhood and his little brother, also a baseball player, was in the same age group as my oldest and we went to a lot of high school games where he played on the opposing team.  Too bad Jason got into the steroids because both were really nice young men.  Larryj