Thinkers Anonymous Revisited

[Warph]

It started out innocently enough.  I began to think at parties now and then just to loosen up.  Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.  I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true.

Thinking became more and more important to me and finally, I was thinking all the time.

That was when things began to sour at home.  One evening I turned off the TV and asked the wife about the meaning of life.  She spent that night at her cousin's. 

I began to think on the job.  I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't help myself.  I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau, Muir, Confucius and Kafka.  I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "Now tell me, exactly what is it we are doing here?"

One day my publisher called me in.  He said, "Listen, I like you, Sport and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem.  If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."  This gave me a lot to think about.  I came home early after my conversation with the boss.  "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..." 

"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I'm leaving you!"

"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."

"It is serious," she said, lower lip a quivering.  "You think as much as college professors and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently.

She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama.  "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche.  I roared into the parking lot with 'Rush' on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors.  They didn't open!  The library was closed! 
 
To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.  Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye..... "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked.  You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous poster.

This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.  I never miss a TA meeting.  At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was 'Porky's,' week before it was 'Dumb & Dumber.'  Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.  I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.  Life just seemed easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.  I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.


Today I took the final step... I joined the Democratic Party.

[pam]

      I'm one of those people who reads stuff like this and goes ha ha yeah funny dude with a touch of sarcasm in my voice to myself.......for awhile that is..... and then it starts to get under my skin a little because not every Democrat registered in the United States is a no-workin bum livin on welfare while they sit at home and drink beer while fartin and laughin about gettin a free ride like SOME people like to make out.
     They are NOT all stupid....they are NOT all lazy.....they are NOT all on welfare or disability for a bad back or whatever.
     And yeah yeah I know Ha Ha you're makin a joke and I just have no sense of humor blah blah blah......even FUNNY jokes lose their punch after the first few thousand times you hear em and start being the insults they really are.

[Catwoman]

Actually, Pam, there's a name for those Dem's that you're describing...Correct me if I'm wrong, Frank, as you probably know the answer to this one better than I do...But, aren't the Dem's that Pam is describing known as Blue Dogs?  I first heard this term on NPR, when a Dem who was siding with the Rep's was talking about his reasons for doing so.

[Warph]

I'm not Frank, but I'll be glad to answer that.... you are probably referring to the Blue Dog Democratic Coalition, CW. They  are a group of 47 moderate and conservative democratic party members of the U.S. House of Rep.  The Blue Dogs promote, among other things, fiscal conservatism, accountability and most have a good sense of humor.  Many members come from conservative districts, where liberal democrats comprise a decided minority of the general population.


....and pam, your right, not every Democrat registered in the United States is a no-workin bum living on welfare or are stupid or lazy...... heck, I know 4 or 5 who aren't.

[pam]

     This is why I hate labels so much...........sooner or later somebody who THINKS they are funny by turning insults into "jokes" do just that and then say you don't have a sense of humor when you get tired of the stereotypical "jokes."
      Well on top of bein a registered Democrat I'm also Irish, Welsh and Native american...got any good ones for that? Might as well tell me "jokes" about my whole gene pool since I have to think insults are funny to have a sense of humor it seems.

[greatguns]

Pam, I'm so glad he WARPH is so lucky as to know 4 or 5.  Sounds like he needs to get out of his circle a little more often.

[Catwoman]

Thanks for the clarification, Warph!!