A little political humor

[pam]

LOL Maxine rules!

[Howell4ever]

Well Burnt Hills  there are afew people you will get along with just perfectly on here  .... Welcome to the forum enjoy and good day to you... Peace    And Pam I love Maxine too its sooo funny...

[Howell4ever]

it was kind of cute. Senator Barack Obama, President-elect Barack Obama and his wife went on their first date since the election. They actually went on a date, they went out and had dinner. And it is weird, though, when you think about it, don't you, to have a Democrat in the White House who actually dates his own wife?" --David Letterman

"And then today, the big transition process begins, because earlier today, Barack Obama met with President Bush at the White House. So you had the president-elect and the president-inept, so they were there together." --David Letterman

"But I'm no pundit. I don't know anything about politics, but as soon as Barack Obama shook hands with President Bush, Obama's ratings went down 10 points." --David Letterman

Today was another historic day. President Bush took President-elect Barack Obama on a tour of the White House. At one point, Barack opened a closet. Bush said, 'Oh, don't open that,' and a huge stack of unread intelligence memos fell out." --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama attended a parent-teacher conference at his daughters' school the other day. And a very positive meeting. The teacher said, both the girls already reading at a President Bush level." --Jay Leno

Everybody seems to be ganging up on Sarah Palin lately. Have you noticed that? Oh, boy. Now, when she goes hunting, the moose return fire. That's how bad it's gotten." --Jay Leno

"Well, Sarah Palin continuing to speak out. She said she now knows Africa is not a country. She also knows that, with the campaign over, she's looking forward to a nice, relaxing vacation in the nation of Hawaii." --Jay Leno

[Howell4ever]

How Government Works
Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.

Congress said,"Someone may steal from it at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said,"How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

Then Congress said,"How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.

Then Congress said,"How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people.

Then Congress said,"Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then Congress said,"We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost." So they laid off the night watchman.

[Howell4ever]

A Bus Load Of Politicians Crashes

A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road, when the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate. A few days later, the local sheriff came out looking for the missing politicos, saw the crashed bus, and asked the farmer where all the politicians had gone.

The farmer said, "I buried 'em all... out back."

The sheriff then asked, "Were they ALL dead?"

The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie." 

[Judy Harder]

This makes me so sad. I am a registered democrat and most of the time I am
proud of it, but not if this is the true picture. BOY do we need to change. (I did not vote
democrat this time, but still am for the blue collar worker!



A Republican in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, 'Is that Jesus sitting over there?' The waitress nodded 'yes,' so the Republican re quested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.

The next patron to come in was a Libertarian with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, 'Is that Jesus over there?' The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, 'My treat.'  The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, 'Hey there, honey! How's about getting' me a cold glass of Miller Light?'  He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, 'Is that God's boy over there?' The waitress once more nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold glass of beer. 'On my bill,' he said.

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, 'For your kindness, you are healed.' The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door. Jesus also passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, 'For your kindness, you are healed.' The Libertarian felt his back straightening up,  and he raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door.

Then Jesus walked towards the Democrat. The Democrat jumped up and yelled, 'Don't touch me ... I'm collecting disability.'

[Judy Harder]

The IRS Genie...

A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the desert without water.

His horse has already died of thirst. He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden, he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old brief case. He opens it and out pops a genie.

But this is no ordinary genie. She is wearing an Internal Revenue Service ID badge and a dull gray dress.. There's a calculator in her pocketbook.

She has a pencil tucked behind one ear. "Well, cowboy," says the genie... "You know how I work. You have three wishes."

"I'm not falling for this." Says the man. "I'm not going to trust an IRS auditor genie."

"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!"

The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right. "OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink."

********POOF******

The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen and he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

"OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish." "My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams.

*******POOF*******

The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems. OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"

After thinking for a few minutes, the man says.. "I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me."

******POOF******

He is turned into a tampon.

The moral of the story: If the IRS offers you anything, there's going to be a string attached.