You Make Me Laugh

[Judy Harder]

The Northern Lights
This guy, Bob, (oh, it's you Bob - that guy) and his girlfriend, Alice, lived in Austin and they decided to go and see the northern lights. They figured that they would just drive north on I-35 until they got to the end and that should do it.

So, they set out on their trip and they're both very excited. They are so excited that it is all they can talk about.

Well, after a couple of days they get to the end of I-35 just south of the Canadian border. They find a nice field to park in and the entire sky is lit up with the beautiful northern lights. Bob, who's been driving, leaps out of the car at the wonder of it all; he's jumping up and down like a little kid.

Meanwhile, his girlfriend is still sitting in the car and reading a magazine.

He can't believe it! So he says . . .

. . . .  "What's the matter? ... Does the aurora bore ya, Alice?"

[Judy Harder]

*Mowing the Lawn*

I was trying to mow the lawn before my husband got home from work, but our electric lawn mower refused to cooperate. It would run fine for a few seconds, then cut off, run again, cut off. Finally, I gave up and waited for my husband.

He had a good laugh when he diagnosed the problem. Instead of plugging in the mower using a three-prong adapter, I had hooked up the cord through the Christmas-tree light blinker.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

[Judy Harder]

*More Bulletin Bloopers*

Several members who have been in the hospital are not on their way to recovery, for which we are thankful.

The Jack and Kill Daycare is looking for someone to help part time on Saturdays.

We'll kick off the Christmas season this morning with our first hymn, "The First Nowell"

Our Wednesday Night Family Cafeteria meal will feature a variety of Chinese dishes including One Ton Soup.

Events: December 9th, Christmas Caroling at the Parkview Nursing Home 7:00 p.m., December 10th, Breakfast with Satan 6:00 to 9:00 a.m. in the Fellowship Hall.

The Youth Group had a scavenger hunt, did face painting, and played a game called, "Find the gun." They had a great time.

The Pastor's Corner: A Personal Massage from Jesus

Due to Construction on the North side of the parking lot, we will soon be changing entrances. Please exit the new driveway which is the one in between the old entrance and the old exit. Please exit from the new exit which is the old entrance.

Our Senior's group is sponsoring a dance December 12. You can Dance the Night Away from 5:00 until 7:00 p.m. for only $5 per person.

What are you doing for Lunch Tuesday? Local Funeral Director Barry Gilbert will talk about the benefits of cremation.

The Riegieman Chiropractic Center will host Kid's Day this Saturday. They'll be treating the youth group to spinal exams, backpack checks, I.D. Cards, etc.

[Judy Harder]

*Missing Bags*

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because they were trained professionals and I was in good hands.

"Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"

[Judy Harder]

*Leak Repair*

My husband's skills with do-it-yourself home repairs are at best mediocre. After spending several evenings trying to fix a leak in the bathroom, he finally admitted defeat and called a plumber, who finished the job in ten minutes.

Watching him put away his equipment, my son asked what had been the problem.

"Well," the plumber replied, "seems that your father got hold of some tools..."

[Judy Harder]

Dressing Down*

When I was 28, I was teaching English in a high school where occasionally the faculty and staff were allowed to dress down. One of those days I donned a sweatshirt and slacks.

A student came in, and his eyes widened. "Wow!" he exclaimed. "You should wear clothes like that every day. You look, like, twenty years younger.

[Judy Harder]

Matching Clubs
A millionaire had fallen ill. All the doctors that were consulted did not seem to understand what ailed him. The millionaire let it be known that any doctor who could heal him could have whatever he desired.

A country doctor was able to cure him, and as the doctor was leaving after a week's stay, the rich man said,  "Doc! I am a man of my word. You name it, and if it is humanly possible, I'll get it for you."

"Well," said the doctor, "I love to play golf, so if I could have a matching set of golf clubs, that would be fine."

With that, the doctor left. The doctor didn't hear from the millionaire for some months. Then one day, he got a phone call from him.

"Doc, I bet you thought that I had gone back on my word. I have your matching set of golf clubs. The reason it took so long is that two of them didn't have swimming pools, and I didn't think they were good
enough for you. So I had pools installed, and they're all ready for you now!"

[Judy Harder]

Seniors Breakfast
We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the "seniors' special" was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99. "Sounds good," my wife said."But I don't want the eggs."

"Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her.

"You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" My wife asked incredulously.

"YES!!" ----

"I'll take the special."

"How do you want your eggs?"

"Raw and in the shell," my wife replied.  She took the two eggs home.

DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS We've been around the block more than once.

[Judy Harder]

Things To Do To Liven Up Thanksgiving Dinner . . .
1. Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that it's the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake.

2. When everyone goes around to say what they are thankful for, say, "I'm thankful I didn't get caught," and refuse to say anything more

3. Bring along old recorded football games, pop them in the VCR when Dad's not looking. Make sure it is set to the last two minutes of the game. When he comes into the room, turn off the VCR and turn on the regular TV.

4. Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions  known to exist at turkey farms.

5. During mid-meal turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn'tnotice that the turkey was past the expiration date. You were worried for nothing."

[Judy Harder]

*Oriskany Falls*

The little old lady seated herself right behind the bus driver. Every ten minutes or so she'd pipe up, "Have we reached Oriskany Falls yet, sonny?"

"No, lady, not yet. I'll let you know," he replied, time after time.

A few minutes later, she piped up again "Are we there yet, sonny? Have we reached Oriskany Falls?"

Once again, he replied "No, not yet. I'll let you know when we get there!"

The hours passed, the old woman kept asking for Oriskany Falls, and finally the little town came into view.

Sighing with relief, the driver slammed on the breaks, pulled over and called out, "This is where you get out, lady."

"Is this Oriskany Falls?"

"YES!" he bellowed. "Get out!"

"Oh, I'm going all the way to Albany, sonny," she explained sweetly. "It's just that my daughter told me that when we got this far, I should take my blood pressure pill."