You Make Me Laugh

[Judy Harder]

Transcribing Confusion

We were thoroughly confused. While transcribing medical audiotapes, my co-worker came upon the following garbled diagnosis: "This man has pholenfrometry."

Knowing nothing about that particular condition, she double-checked with Doctor Mike Wilson. After listening to the tape, he shook his head.

"This man," he said, translating for her, "has fallen from a tree."

[Judy Harder]

First I Got

Elmer says, "First, I got tonsillitis, followed by appendicitis and pneumonia. After that I got erysipelas with hemachromatosis. Following that I got poliomyelitis and finally ended up with neuritis. Then they gave me hypodermics and inoculations."

Calvin says, "Boy, you had quite a time!"

Elmer replies, "I'll say! I thought I'd never pull through that spelling test."  

[Judy Harder]

Starting To Date

Alan asks, "I know you're crazy about that little daughter of yours, Steve. What are you going to do when she starts to date?"

Steve says, "I figure I'll take the first young man aside, put my arm around his shoulder, and pull him close to me so that only he can hear. Then I'll say, "Do you see that sweet, little young lady? She's my only daughter, and I love her very much. If you were thinking about touching, kissing, or being physically affectionate to her in any way ............ just remember ............... I don't mind going back to prison."

[Judy Harder]

Flight Observation

On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window. Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tip light. Finally, she rang for the flight attendant.

"I'm sorry to bother you," she said, "but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time."
 

[Judy Harder]

New Passport Photo

Unfortunately, getting a new passport required a new photo. As I handed my ten-year-old passport and the new picture to the clerk, I sighed. "I like the original better," I told her.

"Trust me," she said. "Ten years from now, you'll like this one."

[Judy Harder]

You Make Me Laugh

Monday, November 16, 2009   


One Hard Question

There was a student who wanted to be admitted to the University.

He was smart enough to get through the written test, a GED, and was to appear for the personal interview. Later, as the interview progressed, the interviewer found this boy to be bright since he could answer all the questions correctly. The interviewer got impatient and decided to corner the boy.

"Tell me your choice," said he to the boy, "What's your choice: I shall either ask you ten easy questions or ONE real difficult. Think well before you make up your mind."

The boy thought for a while and said, "My choice is ONE real difficult question."

"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice!" said the man on the opposite side. Tell me: What comes first, Day or Night?"

The boy was jolted first but he waited for a while and said: "It's the DAY, sir."

"How?" the interviewer shot back, smiling. ("At last, I got you!" he said to himself.)

"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"

The student was admitted to the University.

[Judy Harder]

Activated from the Army Reserves for a joint service Arctic exercise, I was assigned to the air reconnaissance section.

Although I had recently been promoted, I was feeling rusty, and wanted to get started learning my duties so as not to appear too "green."

I confided to the Air Force lieutenant colonel who greeted me that I was anxious to meet the Air Boss right away.

"Don't worry, son," he said reassuringly, "the Air Boss is a real professional, knows his stuff cold and works well with his people. Great guy."

"Terrific!" I replied. "What's his name?"

Looking through the roster, the welcoming officer replied, "O'Hara."

"Oh, no," I groaned. "That's me."

[Judy Harder]

I Hope I'm Sick

A fellow was sitting in the doctor's waiting room, and said to himself every so often, "Boy, I hope I'm sick!"

After about the fifth or sixth time, the receptionist couldn't stand it any longer, and asked, "Why in the world would you want to be sick, Mr. Jones?"

The man replied, "I'd hate to be well and feel like this."


Waiting for Dark

Preparing for a family vacation, Kathy and Matt explained to their young children that they would be sitting in the car for a very long time. The kids were told they would not be arriving at their destination until after dark, and were warned not to keep saying, "Are we there yet?"

After a few minutes of peaceful driving, four year old Rachel perked up, "Is it dark yet?"

[Judy Harder]

Fair Tax

At a business conference in Montpelier, Vermont, the state tax commissioner asked the audience which sort of taxation they found fairest.

There was a pause, and then a white-haired man in the back raised his hand. "The poll tax," he said.

"But the poll tax was repealed," replied the commissioner.

"I know," declared the man, "that's what I like about it."

[Judy Harder]

Young Patient

A pediatrician in town always plays a game with some of his young patients to put them at ease and test their knowledge of body parts.

One day, while pointing to a little boy's ear, the doctor asked him, "Is this your nose?"

Immediately the little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mom, I think we'd better find a new doctor!"