Every Day Light

[Judy Harder]

July 11
The cause of most friction
For reading & meditation - Proverbs 16:21-33
"Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." (v.24)

Watch your tone of voice carefully. An old Chinese proverb says, "If you have a soft voice, you don't need a big stick." I am convinced that most of the friction in human relationships is caused not so much by the words we speak, as by the tone of voice in which we speak them. Our speech conveys out thoughts; our tone of voice, however, conveys our mood. How easy it is to say, "I love you," in a tone that conveys the very opposite. Proverbs does not actually say we should focus on the right tone of voice but the implication is clearly there in the command to use words that are kind and gentle and tender. Of course, you can say things in the right tone of voice without any real feelings of kindness at all. That is why the Bible urges us to do more than seek a change in behavior, but a change that goes right down to the core of our being. Change must always come from the inside out, otherwise it will not be real change. Take once again the germ-free scalpel of the Spirit - the Word of God - and if necessary let it cauterise your tongue. Indeed, let it go deeper - into the "thoughts and intents of the heart" (Heb. 4:12, NKJV). What is our conclusion after meditating these past eight days on the subject of words? Is it not this: the wise are those who understand how their words can impact another person, for good or for bad, and commit themselves to using words only as Paul tells us in Ephesians 4:29 - words that are "helpful for building others up."

Prayer: O God, I ask once more, help me to hold my tongue when I should and to speak when I should. I see so clearly that my tongue can have sourness or sweetness, but it cannot have both at the same time. Give me the wisdom of a right way with words. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

For Further Study
1 Corinthians 13:4-7; Proverbs 15:1; Ephesians 4:2
1. What is to motivate our words?
2. Read 1 Corinthians 13, changing the word "love" for "my words."

[Judy Harder]

July 12
Single soul in two bodies
For reading & meditation - Proverbs 22:10-16
"He who loves a pure heart and whose speech is gracious will have the king for his friend." (v.11)

The next pillar of wisdom to occupy our attention is that of friendship.

The wise are those who know how to make friends. The book of Proverbs emphasizes the whole area of relationships - love and respect for parents, love for one's spouse and so on - but it pays particular attention to the matter of friendship. Why is friendship such an important theme in Proverbs? What exactly is friendship? How do we go about the task of developing good friendships? These are some of the questions we must come to grips with over the next few days. First - what exactly is friendship? Many years ago a Christian magazine offered a prize for the best definition of friendship sent in by its readers. Of the thousands of answers received the one that received first prize was this: "A friend is the one who comes in when the whole world has gone out." One way I describe friendship is this: "Friendship is the knitting of one soul with another so that both become stronger and better by virtue of their relationship." Another definition of friendship by an ancient philosopher is "a single soul dwelling in two bodies." The word "friendship" is usually applied to non-sexual relationships between people of the same sex, but of course it can be applied equally to people of opposite sexes. It goes without saying, I think, that romantic relationships like courtship and marriage ought to contain and demonstrate the qualities of friendship, and it is sad when married partners live together without also being the closest of friends. One's life partner ought to be one's best friend.

Prayer:
Father, teach me the art of making friends. Help me see at the very beginning that being a friend is more important than having a friend. Save me from getting the wrong perspective on this. In Jesus' Name I ask it. Amen.

For Further Study
Ecclesiastes 4:1-10; Psalms 119:63-64
1. What is the value of a friend?
2. What was the psalmist's attitude?

[Judy Harder]

July 13
Synergism
For reading & meditation - Proverbs 17
"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." (v.17)

We continue further with the point we made yesterday that in friendship we find the creation of a new energy that was never there before. The word that is often used to describe this is "synergism." It simply means that the whole is greater than the sum of its two parts. Synergy is seen everywhere in nature. If you put two plants close together, the roots mingle with one another and improve the quality of the soil so that both plants will grow better than they would if they had been separated. When you put two pieces of wood together, they hold much more than the total of the weight held by each separately. One plus one equals three or more. Stephen Covey describes synergism in this way: "' the relationship which the parts have to each other is a part in and of itself. It is not only a part, but the most catalytic, the most empowering, the most unifying, and the most exciting part." This is why, when understood correctly, friendship is quite frightening because you don't quite know what exactly is going to happen or where it will lead. Christians, of course, who bring their friendships under the authority of God and His Word need not be frightened of anything that comes, for they have - or should have - an internal security which enables them to handle anything and everything. A friendship can be frightening, exciting and at times exhausting. But it can also open up new possibilities, new trails, new adventures, new territories and new continents. We live deprived lives if we live without friends.

Prayer: Father, I see that I am made for relationships, not isolation. Help me understand this principle of synergism and how it can work to the extension of Your Kingdom. This I ask in Jesus' precious and incomparable Name. Amen.

For Further Study
2 Timothy 1:1-16; Romans 16:1-16; Philippians 1:4-5
1. What did Paul say of Onesiphorus?
2. How did Paul describe his relationship to the Philippians?

[Judy Harder]

July 14
A friend with skin on
For reading & meditation - Proverbs 27:17-27
"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." (v.17)

Sometimes I hear Christians say, "Why do I need friends? God is my friend - isn't that enough?" Such a statement demonstrates a complete misunderstanding of the purpose of human relationships. Yes, we need God as our Friend - our close and most intimate Friend - but, as I once heard a little boy put it, "We need friends with skin on also." You won't know who you are until you are in a relationship. Paul Tillich, a well-known theologian, made the same point: "You don't really know yourself until you are put over against someone other than yourself." You see, if no one ever reflects to you how you come across, never challenges your views, never confronts you, never encourages you to talk out your problems, then parts of you remain undiscovered. Others can do that, of course, who are not friends, but it is best done by someone who knows you best. My favorite definition of a friend is: "someone who knows all there is to know about you and loves you just the same." Looking back on my life, I can see how valuable my friends have been to me. Because I have felt safe with them, I have been able to reveal myself and in the revealing I have come to know myself in a way that I could never have done with a mere acquaintance. Yes, we need God as our friend, but we need human friends also. This might be difficult for some to accept, but the more effectively we relate on a horizontal level with our human friends, the more effectively we will relate on a vertical level with our heavenly Friend.

Prayer: Father, I see that my best friend is someone who brings out the best in me. Help me to be a best friend to someone - and bring out the best in that person. In Jesus' Name I ask it. Amen.

For Further Study
John 11:1-36; John 13:23; James 2:23
1. What did the onlookers say of Jesus' relationship to Lazarus?
2. How is Abraham described?

[Judy Harder]

July 15
Steps to friendship
For reading & meditation - Proverbs 18
"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." (v.24)

Everyone needs a small circle of friends - even those who are married. I feel deeply sorry for anyone who does not have a friend. If friendship is so important, how do we go about making friends? The first step is - be friendly. The King James Version of our text for today says: "A man that hath friends must show himself friendly." You should not, however, become friendly just in order to gain a friend. This is a wrong motive because you are more interested in gaining a friend than being a friend. Self-centeredness will get you nowhere. Friendliness is the art of going out of yourself and appreciating others more than you appreciate yourself. It is really an attitude. Dale Carnegie in his book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, a secular approach to the subject but full of good sense nevertheless, said, "You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you." The main reason why people have no friends is because they demonstrate an unfriendly attitude. To have a friend - be one. The second step is - allow time for friendships to develop. Force no doors open in friendship but, like Christ in the book of Revelation, stand reverently at the door - and knock. Only if the door is opened from within should you go through. Some relationships you have with people may never develop into close friendships. Don't be upset about that. If you are open and friendly, then God will guide you and show you where deep friendships are to be developed.

Prayer: Father, help me be a friend who does the knocking before I enter instead of knocking down after I have left. And show me not only how to sympathize with my friends' weaknesses, but summon up their strength. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

For Further Study
Luke 7:36-50; Matthew 11:19; Luke 19:7
1. How did Jesus show friendliness?
2. How did others view it?

[Judy Harder]

July 16
When not a true friend
For reading & meditation - Proverbs 27
"Wounds from a friend can be trusted '" (v.6)

We continue looking at the steps we need to take in order to develop friendships. The third step is - be prepared to be hurt. No relationship is free from pain this side of eternity - so don't expect perfection in your friendships. If your goal in life is to stay safe, then don't get involved in developing friendships. Friendships demand that you leave your comfort zone and confront an unknown wilderness. There will be times when your words or actions are misunderstood, but stay with it when this happens. This is what friendship is all about - sticking closer than a brother. It is loving as you yourself are loved. Fourth - love your friend enough to confront him or her about anything you feel is not right. Ask yourself: Am I prepared to lose this friendship in the interest of truth? If not, then you haven't got a true friendship. You are in it for your own reasons, not God's. You are not a true friend. Where you see wrong, confront it, but do it lovingly, gently and firmly. That?s what friends are for - to help us see what we might otherwise be missing. Fifth - allow your friend to have other friends also. Don't suffocate your friend by demanding that he or she maintain just your friendship and no one else's. It is this attitude, more than any one thing, which is responsible for the death of friendships. Give your friend the freedom to move out into other relationships, make new contacts and see new people. You will desecrate a friendship if you try to dominate it.

Prayer: O Father, deliver me from being a suffocator in my relationships. Help me to have such a secure relationship with You that I can risk losing a friend if it is in the interest of that which is right. In Jesus' Name I pray. Amen.

For Further Study
John 15
1. What did Jesus call His disciples?
2. What was His command to them?

[Judy Harder]

July 17
No one has a double
For reading & meditation - Proverbs 27:10-16
"Do not forsake your friend '" (v.10)

Stay loyal and loving to your friends as far as you possibly can. I say "as far as you possibly can" because they may commit and continue in some sin - such as adultery - and this demands action by the church as described in Matthew 18. Discipline may have to be given and you have to be willing to be part of that by withdrawing from that friendship until repentance is demonstrated. Loyalty and love in this case would mean continuing in prayer for your friend - prayer, by the way, that may take hours, not minutes. The opposite of friendship is - isolation. And how much emotional damage is the result of that? "The world is so empty," said Goethe, "if one thinks only of mountains, rivers, and cities, but to know someone here and there who thinks and feels with us and, though distant, is close to us in spirit, this makes the earth an inhabited garden." God made us for relationships and it is His will and purpose that we cultivate a circle of friends. Every friend is different. No one has a double in friendship. The more we have, the richer we are. Dr. Lawrence Crabb says, "Every day we ought to move out from our base in the home and say to ourselves: Lord, help me reach out and touch someone deep in their being today, not for the rewards it brings me in terms of good feelings, but for the blessing I can be to them." Jesus lived and acted like this. Perhaps this is why they called Him "the Friend of sinners." He hated sin, but loved the sinner.

Prayer: Father, one thing is clear - the wise are those who know how to make friends. Guide me in my future days so that in every relationship I may be able to apply some of the principles I have learned. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

For Further Study
1 John 1:1-7; Acts 2:42; Philippians 1:3
1. What did the early Church devote themselves to?
2. What is the basis of deep fellowship?

[Judy Harder]

July 18
Take another path
For reading & meditation - Proverbs 5
"Keep to a path far from her '" (v.

We look now at the seventh and final pillar of the seven pillars of wisdom - personal purity. This, too, is a major theme in Proverbs for throughout the book we come across statements that encourage us to be chaste, virtuous, self-disciplined and pure in our relationships, especially as they apply to the opposite sex. First, I want to deal with the subject of chastity, as Proverbs speaks particularly to this. We live in an age which scoffs at the biblical teaching which enjoins us to keep sexual intercourse until marriage. Some sections of the Church now accept "the new morality" which says that sexual relationships outside marriage are fine providing they are conducted in a loving and a non-manipulative relationship. I have no hesitation in condemning this, both as antibiblical and antirelationship. The passage before us today describes most clearly the destiny of sexual relationships outside marriage. They are seen as fundamentally destructive. The second half of the chapter is given over to a description of how fulfilling the sexual relationship can be within marriage. The emphasis of Proverbs at this point is to avoid putting yourself in a position where too great a strain is placed on the sex impulse. The words, "keep to a path from her," mean, "avoid an immoral woman as you would a plague." A man once went to the great preacher D. L. Moody with a tale of moral disaster and said, "Now, Mr. Moody, what would you have done if you had got into such a situation?" Moody replied, "Man, I would never have got into it." That's more than just common sense - that's wisdom!

Prayer: O God, help me to help myself. Show me how not to subject myself to conditions that make a fall almost inevitable. For I cannot ask You to help me out of situations unless I help myself not to get into them. Amen.

For Further Study
Matthew 5:21-32; Deuteronomy 5:18; Job 31:1
1. What did Jesus teach about chastity?
2. What covenant did Job make?

[Judy Harder]

July 19
Don't go on his ground
For reading & meditation - Proverbs 4:10-27
"Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you." (v.25)

We continue looking at the issue of sexual experience and its need to be kept within marriage. Some temptations cannot be avoided; some, however, can. Anatole France has a story in which God and the devil are talking of a beautiful young girl. God asks: "How dare you tempt such a lovely creature as that?" The devil replies: "Well, she came on to my ground." R. W. Everrood tells this story: A young man seeking his fortune was travelling across a desert when he came across an oasis at which a beautiful girl sat spinning on a loom. He asked for a drink and she said, "Certainly, providing you let me put these threads around you that I am spinning." He agreed, thinking he could easily brush away the thin gossamer threads as one would brush away a spider's web. After drinking the water, he fell asleep and awoke to find himself tied by thick, strong cords. And what was more, the beautiful young girl had changed into a disgusting and ugly hag. The best way to deal with temptation is not to go toward it. Paul's advice to young Timothy was this: "Flee from all this" (1 Tim. 6:11). John Ruskin says: "No one can honestly ask to be delivered from temptation unless he has honestly and firmly determined to do the best he can to keep out of it." My advice to every unmarried man and woman reading these lines - and married people, too - is this: Keep out of the devil's territory. Don't go on to his ground.

Prayer:
O God, make me alert to the dangers that beset my path and when I move toward them unsuspectingly, grant that all the warning bells may ring within my heart. I know You will do Your part; help me do mine. In Jesus' Name I ask it. Amen.

For Further Study
1 Thessalonians 4:1-12; Hebrews 13:4; Ephesians 5:1-5
1. What instructions did Paul give concerning God's will?
2. What did Paul mean by "not even a hint"?

[Judy Harder]

July 20
Take it on faith!
For reading & meditation - Proverbs 6:16-26
"My son, keep your father's commands and do not forsake your mother?s teaching." (v.20)

The real truth about sex and sexual satisfaction is difficult to see or understand outside of marriage. Many young people say to me: "Why all these negatives in the Bible concerning sex before marriage? Isn't sex a beautiful thing?" I say to them: God doesn't give His prohibitions because sex is a bad thing; they are there to protect us from doing the good and beautiful thing in the wrong context. Within marriage, sexual activity is the doing of the right thing in the right place. It is only when you are within marriage that you begin to see the point and purpose of all those do's and don'ts. Christians are people, or should be people, who take God on trust. There's not much point in confessing to be a follower of Christ if you don't believe what He tells you in His Word and change it to suit your convenience. Passion has always been a problem, but wisdom and passion must be properly related. You must become acquainted with the principle of deferred pleasure which is one of the first evidences that you are becoming a mature person. An infant desires immediate gratification and will cry and howl until he gets what he wants. When he grows older, and becomes more mature, then the desire for gratification is brought under control. The concept of deferred satisfaction is a vital one for every young person to get hold of, for without it there can be no real maturity. You must learn to deny yourself now in order to experience the right thing in the right way in the future.

Prayer:
Father, You will have to take me by the hand lest I be lost in the jungle of immediate satisfaction. If I get off the track here, I will find myself in a jungle that gets more and more tangled every moment. Help me and hold me. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

For Further Study
2 Peter 3:1-14 Psalms 24:3-4; Matthew 5:8
1. What are we to make every effort to do?
2. Who can enter into the holy place?