Girlfriends in God

[Judy Harder]

April 15, 2014
The Art of Confrontation
Part 1
Mary Southerland

Today's Truth

Faithful are the wounds of a friend (Proverbs 27:6).

Friend to Friend

We are born helpless. As soon as we are fully conscious, we discover loneliness. Because God created us to need each other, it is in relationships that much of who we are is realized and fashioned. Throughout Scripture, God repeatedly emphasizes the value and benefits of healthy relationships. However, to my way of thinking, life would be so much easier at times if no one needed us and we needed no one because, honestly, relationships are hard work, especially relationships with sandpaper people.

Difficult relationships and people who rub us the wrong way are often assigned permanent seats in our world and don't always come with the option of escape. So we must make a choice. We can either learn to get along with people who rub us the wrong way or retreat into a substitute for the relationship God intended. Work fills the hours that should be spent learning to live together in peace. Children fill the void that a difficult spouse refuses to fill. Needs are unmet and desires are numbed in an effort to live peacefully with that sandpaper person.

Marriages are filled with conflict and turmoil because one or both marriage partners are sandpaper people.

Friendships splinter and workplace relationships disintegrate under the constant emotional fire of sandpaper people.

It is almost humorous – almost – that sandpaper people rarely see or accept the fact that they are the coarser of the two in any relationship. The abrasive people in life are masters at dodging blame and skirting responsibility for the emotional upheaval that follows them like their own shadow. One of the treasures found in a healthy relationship is the learned ability to give and take. Friendships are meant to teach us how to love and trust people on many different levels. The workplace is a laboratory for personality experiments and conflict management.

A thread of flexibility runs through the center of every healthy relationship, accepting those who grate on our nerves, accommodating their quirks and flaws. The problem is that sandpaper people avoid flexibility if at all possible, afraid that any change will exclude them, which is the very thing they fear most and the one thing their abrasive behavior always produces. The question then becomes, what part must we play in dealing with these difficult people. How can we come to the table of relationship health and walk away with a solution?         

One of the basic needs of every healthy relationship is the art of confrontation. To confront someone is to meet them head-on in the quest for compromise. Confrontation is an emotional tackle for the purpose of resolving conflict while promoting peace. Just as God separates us from our sin, He calls us to do the same with sandpaper people. We must disconnect who they are from what they do, loving the sinner but hating the sin, looking beyond their weaknesses in search of their strengths.

Most people I know hate confrontation and will do anything to avoid it, but in doing so, give the impression that they are content with the status quo. It is important for us to understand that silence is agreement. Confrontation is a gift we bring to every healthy relationship as well as the unhealthy relationships with which we struggle. Confrontation is a spiritual surgery that tends to be painful. But without it, the cancer of contention and discord will remain unfettered, free to grow and spread its deadly relationship poison.

Let's Pray

Father, I want every relationship in my life to honor and please You. Teach me how to love like You love. Help me learn how to confront with a pure heart and the right motives.

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

Now It's Your Turn

Life really is all about the people you do life with. Read the ABC's of friendship below and make a plan to put each one into action this week.

Allow people to get close. Friendship requires taking a risk. Read Proverbs 18:24 (NLT) "There are friends who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother."
Become a great friend. Which way do you run in times of trouble? Read Proverbs 17:17a (NIV) "A friend loves at all times ..."
Celebrate your friends. Who do you need to celebrate this week? How will you celebrate their friendship? Read Philippians 1:3 (NLT) "Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God."

[Judy Harder]

April 16, 2014
A Simple Wooden Cross
Sharon Jaynes

Today's Truth

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God (1 Corinthians 1:18, NIV).

Friend to Friend

The sea breeze blew the tangles from my knotted nerves as a choir of various birds sang revelry to greet the day. Myrtle bushes, bursting with fuchsia blossoms added splashes of color to the sandy landscape. Jumping fish performed acrobatic feats for an audience of One.

Perhaps my favorite place in the entire world is the beach. God seems to speak to me through each intricately carved seashell, soaring gull, and majestic wave.  On this particular spring morning, I had gotten up before the others stirred from their slumber, to have a cup of coffee with the Lord.

I sat rocking on the cottage porch surrounded by coastal beauty and watching the water of the lazy canal meander by. As I talked to God and thanked Him for all the splendor of His creation, He urged me to look closely at a reflection in the water.

My eyes followed the wavy reflection to the side of the canal where there stood two pieces of weathered wood, forming a simple cross. Upon closer inspection, I realized that this was actually one end of an old forgotten clothesline, but to me it was much much more.

I knew at that moment the beams were there just for me. The owner may have viewed them as merely part of a clothesline in disrepair, but this cross was God's reminder to me that in all the majesty of His creation, it is the cross of two wooden beams that remains the most majestic of all.

Two simple beams display to the entire world for all time the surpassing greatness of His love, the incalculable riches of His grace, and the unfathomable depth of His mercy to all who will believe.

More beautiful than any blooming flower, more melodious than any song of my feathered friends, more powerful than the surf of the sea–the cross.

This Easter season, join me in praising God for the most beautiful gift of all...His Son...the cross.

Let's Pray

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You so much for the cross. Through the work of Jesus on those two simple beams of wood, You have given me eternal life. I pray I will never forget Jesus' incredible sacrifice. Yes, the world may think the cross is foolish, but the message of the cross is the power of God.

In Jesus' Name,

Amen.

Now It's Your Turn

What does the cross mean to you?

How would you explain that to someone who doesn't know Christ?

Why does the message of the cross point to the power of God?

Want to be extra blessed, click here to hear one of my favorite songs, Thank You For the Cross Lord.

Then click over to my Facebook page and let me know if it blessed you today.

More from the Girlfriends

I love how God speaks to me through nature. He also speaks through other people, circumstances, prayer and His Word. If you would like to learn more about how to hear His still small voice, see my book, Becoming a Woman Who Listens to God. God is speaking to you everyday! Don't miss it.  And for all you married GiG's out there, I'd love for you join us over at The Praying Wives Club. We are having some serious prayer for our men.

[Judy Harder]

April 17, 2014
The Art of Confrontation
Part 2
Mary Southerland

Today's Truth

Faithful are the wounds of a friend (Proverbs 27:6).

Friend to Friend

The highest goal for every relationship is unity at some level. The apostle Paul was committed to unity and peace, no matter how impossible it might seem. It was a commitment rising out of the love he found in his personal relationship with God. And it is out of this love that he writes a letter to the church at Philippi, a church that he established. His heart and life were there and his closest friends and deepest relationships were with these people. It caused him great pain to discover that there was division among them, and is writing the letter both as an encouragement to confront the ones causing the division and as his own letter of confrontation as well.

In his letter, Paul describes the unity God expects to be exemplified in relationships. "Then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose" (Philippians 2:2). Impossible! It is impossible to meet these standards in every relationship. To be like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and in purpose are the characteristics of deep, abiding relationships forged through layers of time, shared experiences and habitual choices. Exactly! God calls us to never be satisfied with anything less than these standards when it comes to the way we love each other. It is a calling that can only be realized through the power of God at work in our hearts, and requires a complete and total surrender of our personal agenda for every relationship we have.

Before Dan and I were married, I noticed several rough edges that needed to be sanded away and felt like I was just the one who could do it. After all, that's what wives are for, right?

I decided to lay low for a few months, giving him a chance to make the changes on his own before I stepped in with my well-thought-out plan for his life. The only problem was that my plan did not line up with his plan. He seemed oblivious to the character flaws that were blatantly obvious to me.

After a few months of marital bliss, during which I was fine-tuning my "Fix Dan Plan," a seed of discontent took root and began to grow.

The strength I had so admired in Dan now looked a whole lot like stubbornness.

His ability to take a complicated issue, dissect it, and boil it down to a three-step-plan now seemed patronizing and sometimes even meddlesome.

What I had once embraced as his devotion to me now seemed like his need to be in control of me. 

It was time for the execution of my foolproof plan of transforming my husband into the man God and I thought he should be. It goes without saying that unity was the last thing on my mind or on my list of changes to be made. Looking back, I am certain I fit the bill of a sandpaper person deluxe! The results were painfully disastrous.

Arguments over insignificant issues ensued as we battled each other for control of the relationship. Dan fielded each attack, confused and bewildered by the mysterious change in his wife. Every area of our marriage suffered, and we were both miserable. Thankfully, my husband was committed to me, I was committed to him, and we were both committed God and our marriage.

I will never forget the afternoon he confronted me in love and with amazing patience. I don't remember much of the conversation, but I do remember the words that broke my heart and saved our marriage. "Honey, I'm not sure what is going on between us. But I do know that I want to love you like you need to be loved," he gently explained.

And there you have not only the recipe for a successful marriage, but for unity in relationships as well.

I loved Dan like I thought he should be loved, with my requirements and my human expectations, hoping that he would have to do all of the changing while I did all of the controlling. I had a lot to learn about the art of confrontation and how it brings unity, peace, and joy to any relationship where it is invited to work.

Many people love a good fight and often mistake combat for confrontation. The two are not the same thing. Combat slowly corrodes and splinters while confrontation is an art that - when done correctly - improves and strengthens relationships. It is our responsibility to bring Godly confrontation into every relationship. There is a right way and a wrong way to confront. The success of any confrontation depends upon understanding the difference between the two.

Confrontation is a gift we bring to every relationship, and the truth is, if you love, you level. Being willing and able to confront in love is a mark of maturity and stability in the Christian life.

Let's Pray

Father, I confess that I often fail when it comes to being a true friend. Teach me how to nurture the relationships in my life through healthy confrontation. May the friendships in my life honor and please You.

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

Now It's Your Turn

I encourage you to scrutinize your relationships under the light of Godly love and correction. How do they measure up?

Are you quick to be a vessel through which God can pour out His love through an encouraging word?

Have you been silent, refusing to correct a friend or loved one because it was the easiest thing to do?

I have been guilty of taking the easy way out when it comes to cultivating healthy relationships. Join me in a new commitment to honor God in all of our relationships.

More from the Girlfriends

I truly believe God uses our relationships to illustrate characteristics of His nature – characteristics like love, grace, mercy, and forgiveness. Relationships are hard work and require the power of the Holy Spirit to be what God created them to be. Need help? Mary's CD, I Need a Friend, offers practical steps for building healthy relationships.

Are you discouraged? Check out Mary's weekly online Bible Study, Down ... but NOT Out! And be sure to connect with Mary on Facebook or through email.

Seeking God?
Click here to find out more about
how to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.


Girlfriends in God
P.O. Box 725
Matthews, NC 28106
info@girlfriendsingod.com
www.girlfriendsingod.com

[Judy Harder]

April 21, 2014
When Doubts Arise
Sharon Jaynes

Today's Truth

Thomas fell to his knees and cried, 'My Lord and my God!' (John 20:29, NIV).

Friend to Friend

When Jesus appeared to the disciples after His resurrection, there was one who was absent from the motley crew–Thomas. When he came back to the group, they were abuzz telling of Jesus' appearance. But Thomas didn't believe a word they said.

"Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it," he declared.

"A week later his disciples were in the house again and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus suddenly appeared and stood among them.

"'Peace be with you!'" he said.

"Then Jesus turned to a stunned Thomas and said, 'Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.'

"Thomas fell to his knees and cried, 'My Lord and my God"

The world is full of "Thomases." I was one and perhaps you were one too. And even though I did not run my fingers over Jesus' nail-scarred hands or thrust my hand into his sword-pierced side, I recognized Jesus through the scars of the men and women who were not afraid to share their stories of healing and redemption...and because of that, I believed.

In Revelations 12:11, John wrote, "They overcame him [Satan] by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony." Incredible power is released when we drop the chains of bitterness, fear and shame to tell our stories. Because Satan knows that our stories are instrumental in his ultimate defeat, he will do anything and everything to convince us to keep those stories hidden.

Oh dear one, God is calling us to not be ashamed of our scars, for it is by those very scars that others will recognize the Savior, Jesus Christ.

Do you know a "Thomas" who needs to see your scars? To hear your story? This week, I encourage you to share your story of redemption with one person and watch a miracle take place!

Let's Pray

Dear Lord, I am overwhelmed today by the great sacrifice that You made for me on Calvary's cross. Please forgive me when I have times of doubting in my life. Help me to be real to my Girlfriends in God and share those times of doubting. Thank You that You did not call us to go through this journey of faith alone, but You have given us friends to walk with side-by-side.

I thank You that there was no hint of condemnation from the other disciples when Thomas doubted, and I pray that I will never condemn a friend who is struggling with her own faith. I want to be one of those people who Jesus mentioned when he said to Thomas, "Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed" (John 20:29 NIV).

In Jesus' Name,

Amen.

Now It's Your Turn

Have you ever had times of doubting God? If so, what changed your heart?

Is there a friend who is struggling with her faith in God? If so, how can you help her see God at work?

More from the Girlfriends

Did you know that your scars are beautiful to God? He longs to turn your hurt into hope, your pain into purpose, and your messes into ministry. Don't waste your sorrows! Allow God to use what you have gone through to be a blessing to others. To learn more, see my book, Your Scars are Beautiful to God: Finding Peace and Purpose in the Hurts of Your Past. It also includes a study guide for those who want to dig deeper into God's Word. And for you married gals, I'd love for you to hop over and join us at the new Praying Wives Club at www.Facebook.com/ThePrayingWivesClub.

[Judy Harder]

April 22, 2014
In His Eyes
Part 1
Mary Southerland

Today's Truth

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be (Psalm 139:14-15, NIV).

Friend to Friend

It was my first day of teaching second grade. While standing at the classroom door, greeting parents and children, I felt a tug on my skirt. I looked down into the beautiful blue eyes of Sammy, one of my new students. His mother, who was standing beside Sammy, looked at me, and said, "I guess you've heard about Sammy. Good luck!" As she walked away, Sammy said, "She's right. I'm dumb and mean and can't read or write."

Lisa was a tall, blonde and beautiful young woman with zero self-confidence. Lisa was the family joke because she was always dropping things or falling on the stairs. "Klutz" became her nickname at home and quickly caught on in the youth group and church where her father was the pastor. Everyone thought she was clumsy, even Lisa.

A young wife and mother sobbed out her confession that she had just ended an affair, "He made me feel important and special." A talented singer and pianist, she vowed to never again sing or play because she now considered herself damaged goods.

I often hear and see the same prison described by women living in the grip of failure and defeat for one reason or another. I want to share some good news with you.

God can set you free to be all He created you to be.

A healthy self-image is not rooted in pride, and it does not exalt self above others. In Romans 12:3, Paul clearly says, "Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you." Be realistic in your opinion of yourself. Success comes when we learn to accept God's evaluation instead of our own, when we give Him permission to make us what He created to be, and when we begin to understand who we are in His eyes. How? Let's look at six steps we can take to understand who we are in the eyes of God.

Step one: Check the label.

I love a good sale, don't you? In fact, a 75% off tag may very well be a sign from God. (I'm still trying to convince my husband.) I have also learned that you can save money in the long run if you check the label. Let me explain.

We needed a new sofa – desperately. It had to be a certain color and style and fit my limited budget. I headed for the nearest furniture outlet, where I narrowed my selection down to two sofas. Both were on sale, and both would work in our home. I saw the salesman coming. Before he could say a word, I asked, "Which one of these sofas would you tell your wife to buy?" The man immediately pointed to one of the sofas and said, "Definitely that one." When I asked why he had chosen that particular sofa, he replied, "Check the label. A company known for its quality work makes it. The other sofa is a cheap imitation."

We can judge a product's potential and value by looking at the one who created it.

God does not make cheap imitations of anything.

You are valuable simply because you were created by the hand of God. His design of you, and His plan for your life is second to none. He paid the highest price that could be paid – for you. To cower or crawl in inferiority is to say to God, "You made a mistake when you made me." God doesn't make mistakes, girlfriend. He never has to say, "Oops!" We were created in His likeness, and we are valuable to God. God knows your name. He loves you. You are His masterpiece and have been validated by God Himself. Wow! That is quite a label!

Step two: Embrace the plan.

While painting in the city park, an artist spotted a beggar sitting across the path from where he was working. Thinking of God's handiwork in every human being, the artist painted the man as he imagined he could be. He then called the beggar to see the painting. "Is that me?' the beggar asked. "That is the way I see you," replied the artist. The beggar stared at the painting. With tears in his eyes he said, "If that's the man you see in me, then that's the man I will be!"

God created you in response to a unique plan He has for your life. You can discover that plan by reading the Bible, God's instruction manual for your life. The Bible is powerful and will allow us to understand who we are in God's eyes - when we consistently read, memorize, and apply it in our daily lives.

In my next devotion, we will look at four more steps we can take to understand who we are in Christ as we learn to recognize our value in His eyes. Don't miss it!

Let's Pray

Father, thank You for life and the special plan You have for me. Honestly, it is hard for me to understand and really believe that I am special to You. To think that You know me and love me just as I am really rocks my world, but I do want to see myself through Your eyes – no more and no less. Please help me.

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

Now It's Your Turn

Read the verses of Scripture and answer the questions listed below.

Ephesians 2:10 "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

How does this verse of Scripture emphasize the fact that you and I were created in response to God's plan, not as an afterthought or as an accident?
Psalm 8:3-5 "When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor."

How do these verses line up with the way you see yourself right now? What one immediate change do you need to make in order to see yourself the way God sees you?
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Are you living a life plan that gives you hope and a future? Is it the right plan?
Read and memorize Isaiah 43:4 and make it one of your life verses: "You are precious and honored in my sight, and I love you."

More from the Girlfriends

I have struggled with my identity and value for years. Fear of failure once kept me from dreaming new dreams. No more! My dreams seem to get bigger with every year of life that passes, and I really believe it is because my new perspective of who I am is more accurate than it has ever been. I am a daughter of the King. I belong to God and He loves me. No one can take my place in the Father's heart, and I am indispensable to no one but Him. That is my prayer for you, girlfriend, that you will know and live out the truth that you are special in God's eyes.

[Judy Harder]

April 23, 2014
Are You Emotionally Crippled?
Sharon Jaynes

Today's Truth

Woman, you are released [set free] from your infirmity! (Luke 13:12 Amplified, note added).

Friend to Friend

I was riding down the crowded streets of Mexico City in a cab when I saw her.  She measured about four feet high, back curved, bent at the waist at a ninety-degree angle, and fingers gnarled and twisted shut.  Like an upside-down chair, her face was parallel to the dirty sidewalk.  Feet. Dirt. Trash. That was her view of the world.  She shuffled alongside our car as we inched through the congested traffic.  I saw her, but she did not see me.  She could not see me.  She just saw feet.         

Sharon, look at my daughter,God seemed to say.  When you read about the woman with the crippled back, never again see her as a character in a story.  See her as you see this woman now.  Flesh and blood.  Real and relevant. My daughter.  Your sister.

God reminded me once again that the women we read about in the Bible were real people–just like you and me.  We must never forget that.  Today, let's look again at the woman with the crippled back in Luke 13:10-17.  And while we might not be able to relate to being crippled physically, most of us can relate to being crippled emotionally.  We see feet...people passing by going about their busy lives.  We see dirt...the mistakes we've made through the years.  We see trash...the pain inflicted on us by others and many times by our own poor decisions.

Jesus said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls"  (Matthew 11:28-29). Rest for our souls.  Isn't that what we all want?

Like the woman with the crippled back, we may have "a spirit of infirmity," a sickness of the soul. That is an interesting way to explain her illness.  More than just a crippled back, her spirit was crippled as well.

Linda Hollies, in her book, Jesus and Those Bodacious Women brings this point home.

"There are many spirits that can cause you to walk around in a bent-over state.  They might be your color, your gender, your age, your marital state, your family, or they could be abuse, injustice, resentment, oppression, despair, loneliness, your economic state, or even a physical challenge.  It makes no difference what has hurt you in the past, it makes no difference how old you were when the trauma affected your life, and it makes no difference what your wealth, position, or status is.  For the evil one comes to steal, kill, and destroy and each one of us is a candidate for being bent and bowed."

Bent and bowed.  The weight of the world on our shoulders. Little by little.  Day by day.  Heaviness too difficult to bear. A spirit of infirmity.  Crippled by shame, fear, pain, disappointment, depression, poverty, insecurity, inferiority, inadequacy, broken dreams. Satan, the one who orchestrates the spirit of infirmity, wants to cripple us into inactivity so that our walk becomes a shuffle.  Our voice becomes a whisper. Our vision becomes a blur.

Who put the chains on this woman in the first place? Jesus said Satan had her bound (Luke 13:16). In reality, all sickness was ushered into the world when Adam and Eve believed Satan's lie over God's truth and ate the forbidden fruit.  For the thirty-three years that Jesus walked the earth, He was in a life-and-death struggle with evil.  John tells us that the reason Jesus came was to destroy the devil's work (1 John 3:.  The battleground is the world and humans are the pawns of the evil one.  Note the language, "locked up" and "set free." 

This is about much more than physical healing. It is about spiritual freedom.  And when Jesus said on the cross, "It is finished," it was.  Now, because of Jesus' victory over the enemy through His death and resurrection, we are more than conquerors through faith in Him

Don't miss this. Jesus said, "Woman, you are set free from your infirmity." There are those words again—set free. The words paint a picture of chains and manacles falling from a prisoner's shackled body. Another translation says it this way, "Woman, you are released from your infirmity!"(Luke 12:13 Amplified). The irons of oppression that held her prisoner to this crippled frame gave way and fell at Jesus' feet as He unlocked the chains that had her bound.

Jesus came to set us free and that freedom comes in many forms. Whatever Satan is using to bind you, Jesus came to free you. Free from...and free to. I can't say that enough. For far too long we've looked at freedom only in terms of what we are free from. But freedom encompasses so much more than a shedding of chains. Jesus set us free to live the abundant life by being all that He has created us to be and accomplishing all that He has planned for us to do. Setting her straight (literally) was only the beginning for her.

Let's Pray

Dear Jesus, thank You for setting me free! Today, I choose to walk in that freedom and never be held captive by emotional chains again!

In Your Name,

Amen

Now It's Your Turn

Have you ever been emotionally crippled?

Perhaps you feel that way today. If so, I'd love to pray for you and so would your GiG sisters.  Click over to my Facebook page, share a prayer request, and then pray for the woman's request above yours. Let's have a good old-fashioned prayer meeting with a newfangled Internet way of doing it.

[Judy Harder]

April 24, 2014
In His Eyes
Part 2
Mary Southerland

Today's Truth

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be(Psalm 139:14=15, NIV).

Friend to Friend

God can set you free to be all He created you to be. A healthy self-image is not rooted in pride and it does not exalt self above others. In Romans 12:3, Paul clearly says, "Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you." Success comes when we learn to accept God's evaluation instead of our own, when we give Him permission to make us what He created to be and when we begin to understand who we are in His eyes. How? Let's look at six steps we can take to understand who we are in the eyes of God.

Step one: Check the label.

Step two: Embrace the plan.

Step three: Be yourself.

We should always be looking for something new to learn, an area where we can grow and changes that need to be made. Sit down with your mate or close friend and ask for a realistic evaluation of your strengths and weaknesses. Constantly search for gifts and abilities and then take one of those abilities and work on it. Don't be afraid of change. It is a sign of life and of growth. Change what needs to be changed, accept what you cannot change and quit whining about it! I know so many women who wasting so much life trying to be something they were never created to be – kind of like a hand trying to be a toe. We need to stop questioning God's design and kicking against the plan. An old man from the mountains of North Carolina, who was known for his extraordinary wooden carvings of dogs, was once asked, "How do you take a block of wood and create such beauty?" The old mountain man replied, "Well, I just take my knife and carve away everything that doesn't look like a dog." Learning to see your self through the eyes of God is like "carving away" everything that is not part of the original design – God's plan – and then learning how to accept what remains.

Step four: Guard your mind.

Scripture is very clear on the point that the mind is the main battlefield in spiritual warfare and is especially important in the battle of discovering who we are in Christ.

Proverbs 23:7 "For as he thinks within himself, so he is."

Colossians 3:2 "Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things."

2 Corinthians 10:3-5 "For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

We are bombarded on all sides by the media, family and friends, co-workers and even enemies. They all have a certain identity that they want to assign to us. We have a choice. No one makes us feel inferior without our permission. We will become what we allow our heart and mind to dwell on. An old saying says it well. "You can't keep a bird from flying over your head but you can keep it from building a nest in your hair." In other words, it is impossible to avoid destructive thinking entirely. We will be tempted. We will have negative thoughts and temptations, but we do not have to allow them to dwell in our mind. God has given us a "garbage disposal" for the mind.

Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."

We once lived in Miami, Florida, a place where ships come from all over world. However, before a ship is allowed to dock, an inspection team goes aboard with one assignment. Find every bit of contamination on board that ship. If contamination of any kind is found, the ship must be quarantined until it is cleaned up and inspected again. Then, and only then, is that ship allowed to dock. We need to control our thought life in the same way.

Step five: Control your tongue.

Our words either build up or tear down. Scripture tells us not to curse others because they are made in the image of God. So are we. We need to apply this truth to our own life. As a mom, I constantly warn our children about the danger of critical words. I want them to learn how to encourage others with their words as well as have a healthy picture of who they are. One day, while standing in front my bathroom mirror, I began talking to myself about something stupid that I had done. I didn't notice that our son, Jered, was quietly standing in our bedroom door where he could hear every word I said. "Mom, who are you talking to?" he asked. Oops! I sheepishly replied, "I was talking to myself." He thought for a moment and then offered a convicting observation, "Boy, if I talked like that, I'd be in big trouble!" I was immediately reminded of the words in Psalm 141:3. "Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips."

In our own lives, we need to stop putting ourselves down and in the lives of others, we need to encourage and look for reasons to praise God. We must learn to celebrate the good in each other. Words are like seeds. What we plant will grow. If we sow destructive, critical words, we will reap a life that is negative and critical but if we sow words of truth, we will reap a life of peace and purpose, knowing who we are in His eyes.

"Dear Father, help me to bridle my tongue, so that on judgment day, I will not be found guilty of assault with a deadly weapon!"

Step six: Be Patient

Weeds spring up overnight but it takes years for a mighty oak to grow. Today, you can take the first step toward gaining a new perspective of who you are in Christ. Our Father says it this way in Philippians 1:6, "And I am sure that God who began the good work within you will keep right on helping you grow in his grace until his task within you is finally finished on that day when Jesus Christ returns."

Let's Pray

Lord, I want to know You more and learn to see myself as You see me. Please help me recognize and guard against anything or anyone who would chip away at Your truth working in my life. I believe You love me and cherish me as Your daughter. Help me to walk in that value and worth and then lead others to do the same. I praise You for validating my very existence as part of Your heart's plan. I love You, Father. I pray all of these things in Jesus' name,

Amen.

Now It's Your Turn

Here is your assignment for the week. Read Psalm 139 at least one time every day. In your journal, write each verse in your own words. At the end of the week, set aside time to celebrate who you are in Christ. Have a praise party – just you and God – or invite a few friends to join you in celebrating your identity in Him.

More from the Girlfriends

Looking for a Bible Study that is both practical and powerful? Check out Mary's E-Book Bible Studies. Each one includes a study guide and you can download each study for your personal use or for a small group study.

Are you discouraged? Check out Mary's weekly online Bible Study, Down ... but NOT Out! And be sure to connect with Mary on Facebook or through email.

[Judy Harder]

April 25, 2014
Who Are You Asking?
Gwen Smith

Today's Truth

Seek the LORD while he may be found; call on him while he is near (Isaiah 55:6).

Friend to Friend

Four years ago we installed a new bathroom sink in our downstairs powder room. While I love the way it looks, I have not loved the way it has worked – because the water pressure has been a dreary drizzle.

I asked my husband Brad if he could fix the water pressure a few times. Let me say this: my man is awesome at a million and one things – he's super smart and awesome around the house – but he has no plumbing experience. Being the great guy he is, he dutifully checked what he knew to check on the faucet, but had no success.

Recently, we had a plumber come to our house to install a new kitchen sink. While he worked, he and my husband chatted away. Eventually Brad casually mentioned that we had an issue with the water pressure in our downstairs powder room.

Once the kitchen sink was fully installed, the plumber asked to see the bathroom sink. Within 30 seconds he not only identified our four-year-old problem, but he fixed it!

In 30 seconds!

It was a simple filter problem. Our filter had been clogged. For four years.

Get. Out. Of. Here.

He unscrewed the tip of our faucet and rinsed out the filter, then put it back in place. Problem solved. The water flows perfectly now.

The sink is the same sink, the faucet is the same faucet, but now it works great because we finally asked the right person about our problem! The plumber knows all about sinks and he knew just what needed to be done.

Hello!

It really doesn't take a genius to figure out where the God-connection to all of this is heading, right? We need to take our problems to the One with the answers. We need to ask God first.

I mess up on this all the time! I look to other people for help with my problems instead of first asking God. Don't we all do this? We go to our friends, we ask our husbands, and often we ask Google! All of which can be good and valid sources for knowledge and direction. It is very easy, however, to go to the phone before we go to the throne, isn't it? We run to people with good intentions who possess limited knowledge and subjective opinions.

If you and I are looking for answers, direction, or wisdom – we need to go to God first. God gives guidance in everything that we inquire of Him. He is the source of all wisdom, all knowledge, all understanding... all that we need.

"For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding." (Proverbs 2:6)

"Seek the LORD while he may be found; call on him while he is near." (Isaiah 55:6)

The plumber had the know-how to fix my sink. He's a sink expert! God is all knowing and is the One we need for the answers we seek. He's a life expert! Imagine what our lives would look like if we always asked God for help first. We could avoid so many troubles and gain great vision, clarity, and direction. It's for a good reason that we are told to "pray continually." (1 Thessalonians 5:17-18)

Let's Pray

Dear Lord, Please lead me in your wisdom, knowledge and understanding today. Direct my choices, my behaviors, and my heart. Forgive me for the times when I look to others or to myself when I should be looking to You.

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

Now It's Your Turn

Who else are you calling on first? Consider why.

Read Psalm 63. Respond in prayer.

Let's take the conversation deeper: swing by my blog or my Facebook page and tell me how today's devotion relates to your life. Need prayer? Post a need – then pause to pray for other posts above yours. Make a public commitment by saying, "I'm seeking God first!"

More from the Girlfriends

Ready for a fresh adventure with God?Get Knowing God by Name by Sharon Jaynes, Gwen Smith, & Mary Southerland. This is the perfect book for individual study or for gathering a group of friends in what we call GiG Groups. With impactful devotions, study questions, journal pages, and free on-line video intros, this book is a resource you'll refer to time-and-time again.

Gwen Smith wants to help you think big thoughts about God and to inspire you toward His grace and truth. Her website is filled with videos, posts, songs and resources that will be a deep well of encouragement to you. Click here to visit her site. (Get a FREE song download when you sign up for her newsletter!)

[Judy Harder]

April 28, 2014
Failure is Not Final
Mary Southerland

Today's Truth

At least there is hope for a tree. If it is cut down, it will sprout again, and its new shoots will not fail(Job 14:7, NIV).

Friend to Friend

I have never met a single person whose goal in life was to fail, but failure is a reality of life. The key to success is not avoiding failure; it is learning how to handle failure.

·Beethoven's music teacher once told him that he was a hopeless composer.

·Abraham Lincoln campaigned for a seat in the Illinois General Assembly and failed. He then opened a general store which failed after only a few months.

·Walt Disney was fired by the editor of a newspaper for lacking creativity.

·The Ford Motor Company was Henry Ford's third business. The first two didn't work out.

·A teacher told Thomas Edison that he was too stupid to learn anything.

·Babe Ruth struck out 1,330 times.

I remember the first time I failed a test. I was in first grade, and my teacher, Mrs. Martin, decided to test us on the names of the states and their capitols. We had been studying them for what seemed like an eternity. I did not like Geography and tended to daydream my way through class. Why did I need to know the names of states I would probably never visit? And what was the big deal about state capitols? As far as I could tell from the pictures in my Geography book, they all looked pretty much the same to me – boring.

Even though I did not like Geography, I had to make 100 on the Geography test. Why? I was only six-years-old, but I knew the unspoken rule that failing a test meant I was a failure.

When Mrs. Martin told us to clear our desks except for one pencil, I panicked. A quick glance at the assignment board revealed nothing. The look of confusion on the faces of my classmates told me they were just as clueless as I was.

"We are having a little test to see how you are doing in Geography," Mrs. Martin explained. I had three problems with her statement. First, there is no such thing as a "little" test in my world. Second, no one had said anything about having a test, and third, I did not know the names of the states and their capitols. When I voiced my complaints, Mrs. Martin smiled and said it was a "pop quiz."

Sidebar: That might have been the moment when I decided to become an elementary school teacher, vowing to never subject my students to the terror of "pop quizzes."

My stomach dropped, and I broke out in a cold sweat. My mind raced as I frantically searched for my Geography book. Maybe I could learn the names of a capitol or two while she handed out the tests. "No books allowed," Mrs. Martin warned. I was doomed.

When the blank outline of the United States appeared on my desk, I dissolved into tears. Mrs. Martin immediately dropped to her knees beside my desk and gathered me in her arms. She asked the student teacher to take over as she gently ushered me out of the classroom and in to the nurse's office next door.

When I finally stopped crying, Mrs. Martin said, "Honey, what is wrong?" I could not believe my ears. "I don't know the names of the states or their capitols," I wailed out what seemed to be a ridiculously obvious explanation. "Do you know some of them?" she asked. I thought for a moment. "I know some of them but not all of them and that means I'll fail the test," I responded. "Why don't you just do your best and see what happens," she said. I did my best ... and I still failed the test.

Guess what? The world kept spinning. I passed first grade and elementary school with flying colors, graduated from high school with honors, and attended college on a music and academic scholarship. I graduated from college with honors, was named Student Teacher of the Year, and eventually became an elementary teacher.

And I failed a lot along the way. So did a lot of people in the Bible.

Adam and Eve blatantly disobeyed God and then lied about their sin. David committed adultery with Bathsheba, and then plotted the murder of her husband. Peter bragged about his commitment to Jesus, but denied Him – not once – but three times. In fact, it is hard to find Biblical characters that did not fail at some point, but those who learned from their failure and used it as a tool of growth were often used by God to accomplish great things.

I have come to believe that failure is a necessary part of our growth and maturity as a follower of Jesus Christ. Failure can interpret the unconditional love and forgiveness of God like nothing else can - if we let it.

Desperation can be our friend if it makes us crave God and long to see His power unleashed in our lives. Failure is not final but God's grace is.

Let's Pray

Father, I come to You, imperfect and flawed, knowing that I have failed You. Forgive me for the sin in my life. Thank You for Your love and mercy that covers that sin. Help me learn the lesson that each failure holds and teach me how to apply that lesson in my daily life. I celebrate the hope and fresh start I find in You.

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

Now It's Your Turn

Read Romans 8:28. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, whohave been called according to his purpose" (NIV). How does this verse apply to the way we view and respond to failure?

What failure are you facing today? Filter that failure through Romans 8:28 and look for the lesson and seed of victory it holds.

Read Job 14:7 (NIV) "At least there is hope for a tree: if it is cut down, it will sprout again, and its new shoots will not fail."How can you apply this verse to the failures in your life?

More from the Girlfriends

I love how God transforms tragedy into triumph ... failure into success. When we choose to see our mistakes and failures as opportunities for God to work, success takes on a whole new meaning.

[Judy Harder]

April 29, 2014
Stark Contrast
Gwen Smith

Today's Truth

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing.  My brothers, this should not be (James 3:9-10, NIV).

Friend To Friend

It has been a long winter this year and I'm really looking forward to summer. I like it nice and warm, but at times the summer heat can be unbearable – even for a sunshine girl.  North Carolina is by no means a place of cool summers.  To the contrary, we Tar Heel residents expect to have our air conditioning units running almost round the clock. But the heat we've experienced the past few years has been uncommonly sweltering.  At times, it's been so balmy that my sweat drops have had sweat drops! Now, you can call it global warming, or you can call it chance, but I just call it plain old hot!

On one of those crazy-hot summer days, I spent time at our local library.  I sat on the lower level, which is the coolest area in the building.  The vigilante AC unit worked aggressively to protect us book-reading occupants from the external heat wave.  I was on that chilly lower level for the better part of two hours, and gradually turned to a human icicle.  My fingers were completely numb as I signed out a Hardy Boys book for my son and turned to exit the building.

As I opened the door to leave, a forceful wave of heat swept over me.  In that moment I thought, "Wow!  That sure is a stark contrast!  What a temperature change!"  From one extreme to the other, the heat pendulum had swung.  Hot to cold, and then hot again.  As I considered the contrast, it occurred to me that the temperature of my life might sometimes look the same.  It gave me reason to pray.

Have you ever gotten up early and had a sweet time with the LORD, only to turn into an unreasonable, raging screamer hours later?  Have you ever had an argument with your spouse or children on the way to church, only to cross the threshold of the lobby with blessings and kindness on your tongue?  Have you ever driven in traffic with worship music on the dash and praise on your lips when suddenly, someone cut you off and the praises on your tongue turned to cursing?  If you've answered "yes" to any of these questions, welcome to the Sinner's Club.  All humans have an automatic membership that activates at birth and is irrevocable until we accept forgiveness through Jesus Christ, and see His face on the other side of glory.

The Bible calls us to a higher, more consistent temperature of living.  We must be careful not to praise and curse with the same tongue. "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness.  Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing.  My brothers, this should not be" (James 3:9-10 NIV).

Are you swinging the pendulum of your responses, or are they swinging you?  We are accountable for our behavior.  We are accountable for the way we respond to circumstances.  Our responses reflect the core of who we are.  They reflect our faith ... good or bad.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come" (2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV).

As we go through today, let's center the thermometer of our hearts on Christ so we are less likely to respond in stark contrast to His perfect example of love.  Let's live out God's grace and heed the wisdom found in Proverbs 3:3:  "Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart."

Let's Pray

Lord, please forgive me for the times when my responses are unkind.  Please forgive me for the times when I over-react and under-love.  I need the power of the Holy Spirit to moderate the temperature of my heart and my responses.

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

Now It's Your Turn

Will you live out deeper grace today? If you're ready to start fresh and declare, "By God's grace I am a new creation," then visit my blog or my Facebook page and say, "I am a new creation!"

More from the Girlfriends

Okay – this is hard!  Trust me, as I was stepping on your toes with this message, I was trampling all over mine, too.  Let's go in grace today, and pray that God will be strong in our weakness.  We are continually being transformed into a greater likeness of Christ through the power of the Holy Spirit ... one day at a time ... thank You, Jesus!