You just might be a liberal if...

[Teresa]

By John Hawkins



With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, you just might be a liberal if...

* You're sure the Constitution explicitly guarantees the right to abortion and gay marriage, but not the right to own a handgun.

* You think Dan Quayle is the dumbest Vice-President we ever had because he believed a flash card that misspelled "potato," but think Obama is a genius despite the fact he believes we have more than 57 states.

* You'd be more upset about your favorite candidate being endorsed by the NRA than the Communist Party.

* You think the same criminals who use guns in the commission of a crime will just hand them over to comply with the law if guns are made illegal.

* You know that 86% of all income taxes are paid by the top 25% of income earners and you still feel that the rich "aren't paying their fair share of the taxes."

* You put a higher priority on oil pipelines possibly inconveniencing a few caribou than you do on lowering the price of gas for everyone in the country by drilling ANWR.

* You're worried that Osama Bin Laden might not get a fair trial if we capture him, but want George Bush thrown in prison for being too zealous in protecting us from Al-Qaeda.

* You get infuriated when you hear about the CEO of a Fortune 500 company making tens of millions of dollars, but don't see a problem with an actor, basketball player, or trial lawyer making the same amount.

* You're constantly seeing subtle, coded racism in campaign ads, but see nothing racist about blacks being promoted over more qualified white applicants because of Affirmative Action.

* You think it's obscene that oil companies are allowed to make 8.3 cents per gallon in profit with gas prices this high, but would never suggest cutting the 13 cents per gallon they pay on taxes to reduce the price of gas.

* You think George Bush is a chickenhawk because he wanted to fight in Iraq and Afghanistan despite the fact that he only served in the National Guard, but you don't think the same about Barack Obama, who has never served in the military and probably couldn't find either country on a map without help.

* You think protesting outside of abortion clinics is extremism and should be illegal, but carrying around giant puppet heads while wearing a t-shirt that compares Bush to Hitler is just exercising your First Amendment rights.

* You think the case for global warming is proven without a shadow of a doubt, but that we need another century or two worth of evidence to figure out if capitalism and free markets work better than socialism.

* You believe the best way to fix the government screwing something up in the market is with...drumroll, please...more government intervention.

* You think the first thing we should have done when Russia invaded Georgia was to take the matter to the United Nations, where Russia sits on the UN Security Council.

* You spend your days criticizing the use of private jets, SUVS, and luxurious houses that consume enormous amounts of resources and then ride in an SUV to the airport, get on your private plane, and fly home to your luxurious house.

* You have more nice things to say about countries like Cuba and France than you do about your own country.

* You think the war in Iraq is unwinnable, but victory in the war on poverty is going to happen any day now if we can just get the Democrats back in charge.

* You won't even support English as our national language, but can't seem to understand why people worry about tens of millions of illegal aliens changing our culture.

* You think censorship is absolutely wrong; except when it's applied to conservatives on college campuses or on talk radio via the fairness doctrine.

* You get more upset about an American soldier accidentally killing a civilian than you do about a terrorist deliberately blowing up a school bus full of kids.

* You think Fox News is hopelessly biased to the right, but MSNBC, CNN, NBC, ABC, and CBS call it right down the middle.

* You think the real hero of the Cold War was Mikhail Gorbachev.

* You couldn't care less about what Americans in states like Kansas or Virginia think of you, but you would be greatly upset if a Frenchman gave you a dirty look because you're an American.

* You think kids in public schools should have to watch Earth in the Balance and read Heather Has Two Mommies, but no piece of literature with the word "Jesus" on it should be allowed within a hundred yards of a school.

[pam]

Just gotta make a few changes.............You might be a TRUE liberal if
You support the constitution for everybody not just your favorite causes.
  You judge your candidate by him or herself instead of who says they support them
  You think everybody ought to have a gun so they can shoot back
  You realize the environment is just AS important as lower energy prices
   You think Osama and George BOTH deserve what they get, Osama for promoting murder and George for lying to start a war.
   You think CEO's AND sports stars get paid too much for doing nothing
   You think racism is retarded...period
   You think peaceful protest is a constituional right no matter who's doin it
   You think government intervention fixes nothing
   You realize Georgia wrote a check they couldn't cash when they fired first but you want to help the CIVILIANS caught in the crossfire.
   You realize global warming and capitolism are BOTH here to stay but improvments could help both conditions
   You worry more about changing you own energy use than bitchin about somebody elses
   You realize the war in Iraq and the war on poverty are neither one going to be over anytime soon.
   You support English as the national language but remember when speaking more than one language was considered part of a good education!
   You support your country but realize we DO make mistakes, you hate it when ANYbody kills innocents, realize ALL news is biased by the people who own it, censorship is wrong period, think there were way more heroes in the cold war than one or two, care just about as much what a frenchman thinks of you as you do somebody in kansas or virginia which ain't a whole lot, care more about what God your family and yourself thinks, and thinks turning your nose up at knowledge is a very shortsighted thing to do whether it has Jesus in it or not.
This isn't an argument starter, it's just my attempt at showing a liberal thought is not necesarily a bad thought, there IS a middle ground to be found.
   

[Diane Amberg]

Nicely done Pam...you put a lot of thought into that.

[flo]

Pam, THANK YOU ! ! ! 

[sixdogsmom]

A BIG AMEN from here!!!

[Teresa]

Pam... you are not the ordinary liberal though............
And I don't think you are 100% liberal anymore than I am 100% conservative. 

And that WAS good.. nice work on your part.

[pam]

Was hopin you all would get it instead of gettin offended!

[Teresa]

Offended? very very  seldom..
Pissed off?
Frequently.. hahahahahahahahahahaha 

Lord...somedays I just really keep myself entertained.. LOL

[pam]

 

[Catwoman]

You go, girl!  Extremely articulate as well as insightful.