World History 101: The Liberal and the Conservative

[Warph]

For those of you who slept through World History 101 here is a condensed version.


Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were:
1. The invention of beer, and
2. The invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer, and vice-versa.

These facts formed the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to grill at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly cookouts and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, the evolution of the Hollywood actor, and the concept of voting to decide how to divide all the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years, Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Another interesting evolutionary fact is that most liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, firemen, lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to form committes and govern the producers and decide what to do with the products. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe and only came to America once conservatives had tamed the Wild West and then created a lifestyle of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history.

[frawin]

Warph, YOU ARE THE MAN, I AM AMAZED AT WHAT YOU COME UP WITH. I READ ALOT , BOOKS, THE INTERNET, NEWSPAPERS AND ANYTHING ELSE AVAILABLE AND I DON'T SEEM TO FIND WHAT YOU DO.

[W. Gray]

I don't think anyone has yet reminded us of the old adage of the definition of a neo-conservative, that is, a neo-conservative is a liberal who has been hit by reality.

[pam]

Guess what! I found a test to see if you are conservative or liberal, 25 questions, gives you a score. For all you guys who think I'm some kind of radical democratic liberal I scored right btween Bill Clinton and Colin Powell which means I'm right in the middle lol. You oughta try it.

http://franz.org/quiz.htm

[frawin]

Guess what! I found a test to see if you are conservative or liberal, 25 questions, gives you a score. For all you guys who think I'm some kind of radical democratic liberal I scored right btween Bill Clinton and Colin Powell which means I'm right in the middle lol. You oughta try it.

http://franz.org/quiz.htm

Pam, I am afraid to take the test, I would probably end up behind Nancy Pelosi or Joe Biden.
Frank

[pam]

LOL, aw come on,   no guts no glory

[DanCookson]

Appears with a score of 35 that I am Bob Dole... 

[frawin]

Dan, I would take that in a minute, Bob Dole has always been a favorite of mine, a true gentleman, true American, a Kansas native, that never forgot his roots and a vey wise person. Bob was a POW in WWII and has carried a reminder of the war and the injuries it leaves, his entire life. I would have pegged you as a Ronald Reagan or Colin Powell and both are a compliment.
Frank

[frawin]

Pam, I took the test, it didn't work, it said I was a 36, between Bob Dole and Ronald Regan, do you think that could be right.
Frank

[pam]

Lol, probly is! I know you all don't believe it but I really am somwhere in the middle, always have been always will be. I always try to see both sides of my discussions on here (may still think I'M right but...........)