The Rabbit Hole: U.N.Poo Alert

[Warph]

Each week I get an email up-date from the UN on what it is doing to make things better for our Third World Countries.  As you probably already know the Third World has been mired in corruption and debt for so long, you'd think it was a major U.S. Corporation or after reading my UN email up-date, an extention of the UN. 

The problems of the Third World are the results of centuries of ethnic, geopolitical, and socio-economic power struggles. Sorry to be so simplistic about the issue, but hey... I'm only a retired senior citizen, not an Irish rock star.

Disparity among nations has been around forever, but only now is there's a push to do something about it.  Have you noticed when the top nations get together at the G-8 summit, they discuss the Third World like a family trying to figure out what to do with Grandpa.

For me, the Third World is any country where the soccer game is called on account of locusts, where even the people working in the unemployment office are on welfare.  I'm talking about the poorest of the poor.  Countries where dust is a condiment.  Countries where pimps take the bus.  For many developing countries progress is hobbled by decades of internal strife.  Colombia's leaders have been battling leftist guerrillas for thirty years.  Somalia has suffered factional strife for so long, you can actually buy four completely different civil war chess sets.

And then you have this idiot running Venzuela.  His secret police are so secret that even he doesn't know who they are.

America is, in part, to blame, for the Third World's financial mismanagement because, for a long time, we would send them billions of dollars with fewer strings attached than Pinocchio after electrolysis.  How did we expect them to repay it?  We don't want to buy their Elvis mosaics made out of lentils, so they have to borrow even more money to stay afloat.   It's a classic catch-22 billion.

Lest we tar ourselves with the brush of despotism, it is an absolute, unrelenting, irresistable moral imperitive that we cancel these nation's debts, unless, of course, it somehow turns out that I'm the one they owe.  If that's the case, I'll start my own Third World Country.

The biggest problem facing citizens of the third world is one quite literally of their own making, and that is over-population.  Hey, one way to conserve precious energy is to NOT HAVE INTERCOURSE EVERY 12 SECONDS.  I have to admit I get a little angry when I read about the starving family consisting of a mother, father and TWENTY-THREE CHILDREN. For crying out loud lady, it's a vagina, not a clown car.  With the populations of these places climbing exponentially every year, you have to wonder.... where do they get the energy to boink?  I mean, they're starving and yet they still have enough stamina for sex.  Cripes, I forget to eat my between-brunch and-lunch high protein strawberry yogurt powerbar, and eight hours later, I can't get the mini-Dune-Worm to perk up if I were to attach live jumper cables it .

The state of Third World education is abysmally low. Strapped for resources, the typical classroom is massively overcrowded, lacking in even the most basic supplies and textbooks, and led by teachers who can barely make a living on what they earn.  In other words, just like our public schools but not as heavily armed.

I will admit that these people do amazing things with what few resources they have. Take "Dung" for instance. It's like the duct tape of the Third World.  They not only use it to fertilize, but burn it for heat, turn it into thatched cottages and even nifty houseware items.  You have nations in Africa where "track lighting" means adding more wicks to the camel dung. I had a friend who came back from the Serengeti with a 16 piece punch bowl set made completely out of wildebeast poo.  These are the Martha Stewarts of critter scat.

You know, if we are going to solve the problems of these countries, we must remember history.  Originally, the Third World was called that as a term of contrast to the First World - the industrialized capitalist nations - and the Second World - the communist bloc.  Now that there isn't a communist bloc, I propose that we start calling the Third World, the Second World.  Just like that, no more Third World poverty, no more Third World violence, no more Third World debt. 

No, please, no need to thank me.  I just want to help mankind.... Warph!

[pam]