No Country For Old Rag-Head Men

[Warph]

If history is any indication, a lasting solution to the current conflict in the Middle East will NEVER take place in our time and many generations to come. 

When I think of all the wars that have been fought over possession of the very cradle of the world's three major religions, I can't help but wonder where God is in all of this.  You have to just marvel at the stun-gun absurdity of fighting to the death....  over what happens after you die.

Hey, I've got no clue what's going on in the Middle East. All I know is, you have two Abrahamic religious groups enmeshed in a conflict whose modern incarnation dates to the 1917 Balfour Declaration, with territory disputes that remain unresolved despite the The Wye River Memorandum and UN: Resolutions 242 and 338...  but I probably just sound like an ignorant American there.

For 80 years, Palestinians and Israelis have been killing each other over the same arid strip of hardpan.  That's four generations of Arabs and Israelis who have grown up in a perpetual state of war.  No wonder it's impossible for either side to fathom the concept of peace.  In the Middle East, "Peace" is what you rest in for all of eternity."

Palestine, (which some say really doesn't exist, by the way) though generally barren, was desirable to the Jewish people because it is the birthplace of the three main monotheistic religions: Christianity, Judasism, and Goat Farming -- whoops... Islam.  Sorry.  Now, if God gives you a slice of land on a piece of desert and calls it the Promised Land, you gotta ask yourself: Promise Land?  Hasn't God ever been to Cabo?

Look, you have to admit that Israel is in more of a no-win situation than a Ballpark Frank entering the Westminster Dog Show.  They're a democracy trying to abide by Western norms in a region that does not play by those rules.  Israel, I promise you, is the only country where a democracy will work in the Middle East!!   I guarantee you, you plunk Switzerland down somewhere between Iran and Morraco, and the arabs are going to be thinking about how to kill somebody with a Toblerone. 

I love this guy and have great respect for him and his position in this, BUT....Sorry Dubya..... a  Democracy will not work in Rag Head Country, Period!  It is NOT working in Iraq and will never work in Iraq.  Why you ask?  There are many reasons.  For one, War Lords!   Man, they're all over the middle east.   Look at Afghanistan.  Supposedly a new Democracy..... well in Kabul, sort of... anyway.  What about the rest of the country?  Somebody forgot to tell the War Lords.  They state, "We will leave you alone and help keep the Taliban at bay IF you let us raise our poppy fields in peace."  Since Democracy, the crops are at 96% growth today compared to 2004....  and the Taliban are thriving just like the poppies!   Can't trust the War Lords.   No wonder Hamid Karzai is screaming to Bush for more troops.  The Palace Guards are higher than chinese kites and he's in fear of losing his democracy, not to mention his life.  Dubya hasn't got the troops to give him and most of our allies won't commit any more troops to Afghanistan..... and Dubya is looking to the U.N. to handle the poppy explosion.  Yeah, right! 

I say if you really want to discourage people from doing drugs and keep the War Lords happy, legalize drugs for a year and encourage people to experiment. The smart people will sit back and barricade themselves in their homes, while all the drink-the-bongwater burnouts and needle-ites go to town, mixing industrial grade sealant and horse tranquilizers into a hookah, shooting and smoking it.  I guarantee you, before the year is up, we'll dramatically thin the goat herd and who knows?  Maybe some of the more demented stoners will mix so many weird chemicals, they'll stumble onto a cure for cancer in their pursuit of a buzz that could win the Nobel Peace Pipe. 

And to the suicide bombers: how are you helping to improve the lives of your people when you so patently disregard your own life?  And really, isn't this 72 virgins thing just a little overrated?  I mean, after three or four, doesn't the thrill kind of wear off?  And by Virgin 23, you're going to be begging for a pro, someone who knows when and when not to use their ...... nevermind, don't need to go there.

I guess my main objection to suicide bombing is how commercial its all gotten.  Back during the old intifada of '87, a guy strapped some explosives to his chest, walked into a building and blew himself up.  Now he's got to make a video, pose for eight-by-tens and party.  Maybe I'm old school, but whatever happened to the suicide bomber who just did it for the love of the hate?

You know, I didn't understand the PLO's Yasser Arafat's game.  Ehud Barak offered him arguably the best deal of any Israeli leader in recent history, and Arafat pissed all over it like he was Ozzy Osbourne taking a whiz on his loud neighbors barbeque.   Do you think it was the money.... the $4 billion dollars he received over the years from the U.S. and European Union countries, not to mention, Syria, Iran and Saudi Arabia,  that he was stuffing into his private Swiss bank account up to that point.  Now that Yasser's not around anymore, Mrs. Arafat can now well afford that makeover.

So.... On one side of the sandbags, you have Israel's Ehud Olmert.  Ehud has never been a guy who knows verses 3 through 5 of "Kumbaya."  But this recent intifada with Hezbollah has hardened him like a dead guy on Viagra. At this point, Olmert probably believes the only time Arabs and Jews will share the land is when they're under it.

The so-called Quartet of Mideast peacemakers — the U.S., European Union, Russia and United Nations — say Hamas must renounce violence, recognize Israel and accept past peace agreements before aid can resume. On the other side of the sandbags, Mahmoud Abbas  has been pushing Hamas to accept those demands.  Now Jimmy Carter is trying to put his 2-cents into it. Former U.S. President Jimmy Carter plans to meet Hamas leader Khaled Meshaal in Syria next week, despite U.S. efforts to isolate the Islamist Palestinian group, Al Jazeera television said.

The sad truth is, everyone in this thing just needs one good hard slap-upside-the-head of common sense.  Hey Palestinian Authority, keep pushing!  Hey Hamas, stop buying explosives and wearing a map of Israel on your headscarf and listen to what Mahmoud Abbas has to say.  And Jimmy?  Stay the hell home.  Hey Saudi Crown Prince Sultan bin Abdul Aziz, what's with this talking peace in the Middle East but refusing to meet with the Israeli's?  And Lebanon, Prime Minister and acting president, Fouad Siniora needs to get some backbone and start acting like he's the president, not Hezbollah.  And... oh yeah... Bashar al-Assad  & Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, listen up.  I was talking with a couple of B-2 Spirit - Stealth Bomber jockey's the other day and they tell me your day in the sun might be coming soon.... maybe sometime in September or October. 

So what is my answer to the age-old problem in the Middle East?

Simple!  Forget legalizing drugs because that ain't going to work.  Give them CASINOS!  It worked here in the U.S. for our Native Americans.  Look, all religion has done is to jump-start a grudge war over it's individual beliefs and at least in casinos everyone can get along, have a few shirley temples, play a little Black Jack and forget their problems.  You don't even have to build a lot of new buildings because they already have a thousand-year-old Holy Land theme going on over there.  "C'mon, seven,  Baby Muhammad  needs a new pair of shoes!" .....Warph

[Teresa]

Well! 
I told myself I was going to back out of this section... but by golly.. You sure are making it hard to stay on the outskirts. 

Warph.. I don't know who you are.. but I like the way you think. 

(((And I sent you a p.m..)))

[Roma Jean Turner]

  Keep em' comin' Warph!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Diane Amberg]

Could that be a war philosopher? Warph?

[Wilma]

Diane, I think you have hit it.  Makes more sense than Warpath, anyway.

[pam]

Warph! You GO!!!!! Got a good grip on the situation AND a sense of humor!

[sixdogsmom]

When you say Rag-Head, you do mean Catholic Nuns, right? Oh, wait, I see you say rag-head men. I wonder who they could be, surely not a derogatory term for people who come from the middle east?