A Good Laugh

[Lookatmeknow!!]

 Dear All,

Many thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year.

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat manure in
the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every
envelope  that needs sealing.

I now scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
Brown)  who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. 
 
In fact all my money is gone but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft 
and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program

Or, I'll receive it from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split
$7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a  customer
who died intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out  for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward  an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern
I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer buy gas without taking a man along to watch the car so a
serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
And I don't go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number
and I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown
African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when
it  bites my bum.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found
dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex
molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00pm
this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing
you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened
to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's
cousin's beautician.

By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has
discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity
always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.