Giggles for 2008

[Bonnie M.]

Now, there's a very wise young man! 

[Judy Harder]

God Said, Adam I   Want you to do
Something for me."


Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?"


God said, "Go down into that valley."


Adam said, "What's a valley?"


God explained it to him.


Then God said, "Cross the river."


Adam said, "What's a river?" 


God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill......."


Adam said, "What is a hill?"


So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.


He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave"


Adam said, "What's a cave?"

After God explained, he said, "In the cave you will find a Woman."


Adam said, "What's a woman?"


So God explained that to him, too.


Then, God said, "I want you to reproduce."


Adam said, "How do I do that?"


God first said (under his breath), "Geez....."!


And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.


So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.


Then, in about five minutes, he was back.


God, his patience wearing thin, said angrily, "! What is it now?"


And Adam said


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"What's a headache?"

[Teresa]

[Lookatmeknow!!]

That makes me smile!!!!!

[Teresa]

Dan Rather, Katie Couric, and a U.S. Marine were all captured by terrorists in Iraq.

The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

Dan Rather said, 'Well, I'm a Texan; so I'd like one last bowlful of hot spicy chili.' 
The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chili.
Rather ate it all and said, 'Now I can die content.'

Katie Couric said, 'I'm a reporter to the end.
I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen.
Maybe someday, someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end. '

The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Couric dictated some comments.
She then said, 'Now I can die happy.'

The leader turned and said, 'And now, Mr. U.S. Marine, what is your final wish?'

'Kick me in the ass,' said the Marine.

'What?' asked the leader? 'Will you mock us in your last hour?'

'No, I'm not kidding.
I want you to kick me in the ass,' insisted the Marine.

So the leader shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ass.

The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm
pistol from inside his cammies, and shot the leader dead.

In the resulting confusion, he jumped to his knapsack, pulled out his M4
carbine and sprayed the terrorists with gunfire.
In a flash, the terrorists  were either dead or fleeing for their lives.

As the Marine was untying Rather and Couric, they asked him, 'Why
didn't you just shoot them in the beginning? Why did you ask them to
kick you in the ass first?'

'What?!,' replied the Marine, 'And have you two idiots report that I
was the aggressor?


This probably shouldn't be on the joke board.      

[Judy Harder]

Now that was funny..........Sad but funny.
You put it where you want.......we will find it and understand
Laughter is a great way to begin our/my day. Thanks

[Diane Amberg]

Oh, my...

[Teresa]

His parents had tried everything... tutors, mentors, flash cards, Special learning centers. In short,  everything they could think of to help his math.
Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school.
After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother Hello.
Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work.  His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner. To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before. 
This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.
Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card.
He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books.
With great trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her great surprise,Little Zachary got an "A" in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity. 
She went to his room and said, "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?"
Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no.
"Well, then," she replied,was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms?" WHAT WAS IT ALREADY?"
Little Zachary looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around."

[Teresa]

Sometimes when you are angry with someone,
it helps to just sit down and think about the problem.

[Carl Harrod]

Our Troops in Afghanistan prove they've retained their sense of humor with the following:


"YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF..."

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon "unclean."

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9. You've often uttered the phrase, "I love what you've done with your cave."

10. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.

11. You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.

12. You've even had a crush on your neighbor's goat.