Stupid Awards

[Judy Harder]

Yes, it's again that magical time of the year when the Darwin Awards
are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
Here is the glorious Winner:
1. When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended
victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California , would-be robber
James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered
down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
And now, the Honorable Mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a
meat-cutting machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company.
The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a
look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.
The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a
woman had taken the space...understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be
transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to
admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and
offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the
passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the
patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The
deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious
head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he
received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying
to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he
was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash
drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the
register r, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash
from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The
total amount of cash he got from the drawer: $15. (If someone points
a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window,
grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved
it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and
hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The
liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was
caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the
woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended the purse snatcher. They put
him in the car and drove back to the store . The thief was then
taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To
which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole
the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan , at 5 a.m. , flashed a gun, and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't
open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered
onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast.
The man, frustrated, walked away.
***** A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*****
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked
on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police
arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a
motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man
admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose
into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the
vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh
he'd ever had.
In the interest of bettering human kind please share these with your
friends and family unless of course one of these 10 individuals by
chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case be
glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

[T. Sackett]

These remind me of some of the things that Paul Harvey has occasionally on his newscasts.  There is also the incident of where the bank robber gives his hold up note to the teller, and the note is written on the back of one of his personalized checks.