Old Age is a Gift

[Roma Jean Turner]

  Thanks for posting that one. I need to go from here  to here  and that helped.

[sixdogsmom]

Hang in there Roma! Winter is closer to being over than it was yesterday!

[Wilma]

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into.  She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher:  "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!"  she cried.

The dispatcher said, "Stay calm.  An officer is on the way."

A few minutes later, the officer radios in.  "Disregard."  He says.  "She got in the back-seat by mistake."

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Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together.  One night the 96-year-old draws a bath.  She puts her foot in and pauses.  She yells to the other sisters, "Was I geting in or out of the bath?"  The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know.  I'll come up and see."  She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"  The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters.  She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood."  She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."

[sixdogsmom]

Gotta Love it! 

[Wilma]

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine march day.  One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"

"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."

And the third man chimed in, "So am I.  Let's have a beer."

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A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.  As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex."  She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair.  Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex."

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered,  "I'll take the soup."

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Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.  Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.  Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.  One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me .. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name!  I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it.  Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her.  For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.  Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

[Carl Harrod]

RETIREE And they ask why I like retirement....

Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday

Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.

Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.

Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% percent discount.

Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.

Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.

Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!

Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.

Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

[Wilma]

RE:  Carl's question, "Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?"
Answer:  They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

Ain't it the truth!  Witness my garage, my little red house and the old hen house on my rental property.  And not just my adult kids.

[W. Gray]

A fellow I once knew liked to compare a retired person and a still working person.

He used an example of each building a deck on the back of their house.

One could tell which deck belonged to the working individual and which belonged to the retiree just by seeing the progress each made.

An employed person will know he has a set amount of time to accomplish his task, will try to get it done in that time, and will work at it regularly until it is finished.

A retired person will know he has an unlimited amount of time at his disposal will take that long to get it done.

[sixdogsmom]

Ahhh---! That folks is the reason I cannot get anything done. Hasn't a thing to do with the time I spend here!! LOL!!

[Jo McDonald]

  True story
About 2 months after Fred retired, one of our firends asked, "Well, Fred what do you like best about being retired"?  and Fred said..." My seven day week-ends".