Why We Love Children

[Marcia Moore]

Why We Love Children

1)  NUDITY
     I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening
when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.  She was stark naked!  As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom!  That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
   
2)  OPINIONS
     On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.  The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

3)  KETCHUP
     A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.  During her struggle the phone rang, so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.  "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.  She's hitting the bottle."

4) MORE NUDITY
     A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.  When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.  The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter?  Haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

5) POLICE #  1
     While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old.  Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?"
     "Yes," I answered, and continued writing the report.
     "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police.  Is that right?"
     "Yes, that's right," I told her.
     "Well then," she said, as she extended her foot toward me, "Would you please tie my shoe?"

6) POLICE #  2
      It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in  front of the station.  As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me.  "Is that a dog you've got back there?" he asked.
     "It sure is," I replied.
     Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van.  Finally he asked, "What'd he do?"

7)  ELDERLY
      While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.  She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.  One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.  As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage
of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

DRESS-UP
      A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.  When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." 
     "And why not, darling?"
     "You know that  it always gives you a headache  the next morning "

9) DEATH
      While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.  Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.  Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers, and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said:
     "Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes."

10)  SCHOOL
     A little girl had just finished her first week of school.  "I'm just wasting my time," she told her mother.  "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"

11) BIBLE
      A little boy opened the big family Bible.  He was fascinated as he
fingered through the old pages.  Suddenly, something fell out of the
Bible.  He picked up the object and looked at it.  What he saw was an
old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.  "Mama, look what I found!" the boy called out.
     "What have you got there, dear?"
     With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered,  "I think it's Adam's underwear!"

[Diane Amberg]

I can really see those happening.      I am friends with a number of Fire Board dispatchers and they have funny "kid calls" a lot, especially during October fire prevention.  We go over 9-1-1 with the kids and the fact they can get help from police, fire and ambulance from just that number.  We spend some time explaining what a real emergency is, but some little ones don't quite get it the first time.  A good many of the dispatchers are parents themselves, so they really get it.  One little girl, almost 5, was allowed to fix herself cereal and milk on Saturday morning, but had been warned not to bother her parents if they were still asleep. This particular morning she found there was only a tiny bit of milk left in the container.  She knew she shouldn't bother her parents, so she called 9-1-1 to see if they could help her.  The girl who took the call had a daughter about the same age, so they had a nice talk about what her reasonable options were.