another giggle

[Diane Amberg]

  How true!  Happy Thanksgiving!!!

[Marcia Moore]

     The seven dwarfs always left to go work in the mine early each morning.  As always, Snow White stayed home doing her domestic chores.  As lunchtime approached, she would prepare their lunch and carry it to the mine.
     One day as she arrived at the mine with the lunch, she saw that there had been a terrible cave-in.  Tearfully, and fearing the worst, Snow White began calling out, hoping against hope that the dwarfs had somehow survived. 
     "Hello, hello!" she shouted. "Can anyone hear me? Hello!"
     For a long while, there was no answer.  Losing hope, Snow White again shouted, "Hello!  Is anyone down there?"
     Just as she was about to give up all hope, there came a faint voice from deep within the mine. "Vote for Hillary, Vote for Hillary." 
     Snow White fell to her knees, crossed herself, and prayed, "Oh, thank you God!  At least Dopey is still alive.

[Carl Harrod]

To help you with the Holiday planning.

ITALIAN PASTA DIET:   IT REALLY WORKS !!
1) You walka pasta da bakery.
2) You walka pasta da candy store.
3) You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop.
4) You walka pasta da table and fridge.

Also:
CONCERNED ABOUT TOO MANY CARBS IN YOUR DIET?
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

[Judy Harder]

NINE MONTHS LATER



Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob.

They loaded up in Jack's minivan and headed north.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.

They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained.

"I'm afraid neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."

The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their wa y.

They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney.

It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from..... "Yes, I do."

"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"

"Yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out. "I have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"

Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry, buddy.

I'm afraid I did.

Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything."

(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?
( Now keep that smile for the rest of the day)[/b]

[Judy Harder]

The Wal-Mart Cat~

A blonde was weed-eating her yard and
accidentally cut off the tail of her cat
which was hiding in the grass
She rushed her cat, along with the tail over
to WALMART!

Why WALMART???


WALMART is the largest re___tailer in the world!!!

[Diane Amberg]

Judy, I'm not sure why the cat's tail was hiding in the grass... , but that is a wonderful 3rd grade joke! 

[Teresa]

You can always trust a Texan for a solution to a problem!

Bumper sticker spotted on a Silverado pick up truck on loop 610 in Houston , Texas , on Oct 30, 2007

'I WISH HILLARY HAD MARRIED OJ'

[Judy Harder]

Good Housekeeping Tip

                   Another Maxine Tip

        Always keep several get well cards on the mantel..... so if unexpected guests arrive, they will think you've been sick and unable to  clean.  

[Judy Harder]

The Alabama preacher said to his congregation,
'Someone in this congregation has spread a
rumor that I belong
to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie
and one which
a Christian community cannot tolerate.

I am embarrassed and do not intend to
accept this. Now, I
want the party who did this to Stand and
ask forgiveness
from God and this Christian Family.'

No one moved. The preacher continued, 'Do
you have the nerve
to face me and admit this is a falsehood?
Remember, you
will be forgiven and in your heart you will
feel glory.

Now stand and confess your transgression.'
Again all was quiet.

Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blond
with a body that would
stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her
head was bowed and her
voice quivered as she spoke, 'Reverend
there has been a terrible
misunderstanding. I never said you were a
member of the Ku
Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my
friends that you were a
wizard under the sheets.'

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife
fainted, and the
Congregation roared!

[Teresa]

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.

"What's the matter?" he asks.

"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voi c e.

"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"

"I can't see my ass coming into work today.