Church Bulletin Bloopers

[kdfrawg]

Since Rudy was kind enough to share some bloopers from his paper, here are a few bloopers from church bulletins:

1. Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.

2. Thursday night -- Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

4. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

5. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Bezler, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Bezler.

6. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

7. Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies
giving milk will please come early.

8. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.

9. Thursday at 5:00 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study.

10. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

11. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.

12. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.

13. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

14. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is
Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

[flo]

  - you guys have really given me several minutes of pure side-splitting laughter - kinds feel stupid tho, being here laughing like this and by myself.  Neighbors might have me hauled off to the looney bin. 

[Diane Amberg]

 I think I just hurt myself!!! My husband just came downstairs from his office to see what was wrong with me. He looked over my shoulder and then HE started laughing too. OH, MY. Thank you, x 3.

[kdfrawg]

I know the feeling. I just love them, too. Heck, I had seen them all before, of course, and by the time I found them and copied them into the post I couldn't breathe for laughing either.

[Rudy Taylor]

Many years ago, I answered the phone in my newspaper office and a local gentleman said he wanted to run a want ad. I got my pencil and paper. He had a deep, southern drawl. "I need pasture for ten thousand calves," he said.

I repeated it back.  "Pasture for ten thousand calves?" I said.

That's right. "Ten thousand calves."

So we printed the ad in the next day's paper. My phone jingled at home that night. "Where'd you get that stuff about ten thousand calves?" he asked. "All I need is pasture for COWS and calves."

An interesting sidenote: Famed rancher Gene Mullendore also called me the next day. "Surely that was a mistake," he said. "but if somebody needs that much pasture, I've got plenty to rent out."

I didn't charge my southern friend for the ad.

[Diane Amberg]

   Ha, ha that's a good one! I've got one too. A few years ago, I went to my favorite butcher to order a nice standing rib for our big family Christmas dinner. I said I wanted enough for 8 hungry people. He thought I said "eight hundred people" and was trying to figure out how many head of beef he would need!!!