Chuckles

[Lookatmeknow!!]

Kansas Technology 101
>
> After having dug to a depth of 10 yards
> last year, New York scientists found traces
> of copper wire dating back 100 years
> and came to the conclusion that their New
> York ancestors already had a telephone
> network more than 100 years ago.
>
> Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the
> weeks that followed, California scientists dug
> to a depth of 20 yards, and shortly after, headlines
> in the LA Times newspaper read:
> ' California archaeologists have found
> traces of 200 year old copper wire and have
> concluded that their ancestors already had an
> advanced high-tech communications network
> a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.'
>
> One week later, the 'Ness County News,'
> a local news paper in Ness City , Ks.,
> reported the following:
>
> 'After digging as deep as 30 yards in wheat
> fields near Beeler , KS , Larry the Cable Guy, a self-
> taught archaeologist and dyed-in-the-wool Jayhawks
> fan, reported that he found absolutely nothing.
> Larry has therefore concluded that 300 years
> ago, Kansas had already gone wireless.'

[pam]

 

[Teresa]

An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids. He applies for a janitor's job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test.

The human resources manager tells him, 'You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.35 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so that we can get you in the loop. Our system will automatically e-mail you all the forms and advise you when to start and where to report on your first day.'

Taken aback, the man protests that he is poor and has neither a computer nor an e-mail address.

To this the manager replies, 'You must understand that to a company like ours that means that you virtually do not exist. Without an e-mail address you can hardly expect to be employed by a high-tech firm. Good day.'

Stunned, the man leaves Not knowing where to turn and having $10 in his wallet, he walks past a farmers' market and sees a stand selling 25 lb. crates of beautiful red tomatoes. He buys a crate, carries it to a busy corner and displays the tomatoes. In less than 2 hours he sells all the tomatoes and makes 100% profit. Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost $100 and arrives
home that night with several bags of groceries for his family.

During the night he decides to repeat the tomato business the next day. By the end of the week he is getting up early every day and working into the night. He multiplies his profits quickly.

Early in the second week he acquires a cart to transport several boxes of tomatoes at a time, but before a month is up he sells the cart to buy a broken-down pickup truck.

At the end of a year he owns three old trucks. His two sons have left their neighborhood gangs to help him with the tomato business, his wife is buying the tomatoes, and his daughter is taking night courses at the community college so she can keep books for him.

By the end of the second year he has a dozen very nice used trucks and employs fifteen previously unemployed people, all selling tomatoes. He continues to work hard.

Time passes and at the end of the fifth year he owns a fleet of nice trucks and a warehouse that his wife supervises, plus two tomato farms that the boys manage. The tomato company's payroll has put hundreds of homeless and jobless people to work. His daughter reports that the business grossed over one million dollars.

Planning for the future, he decides to buy some life insurance.

Consulting with an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit his new circumstances. Then the adviser asks him for his e-mail address in order to send the final documents electronically.

When the man replies that he doesn't have time to mess with a computer and has no e-mail address, the insurance man is stunned, 'What, you don't have e-mail? No computer? No Internet? Just think where you would be today if you'd had all of that five years ago!'

'Ha!' snorts the man. 'If I'd had e-mail five years ago I would be sweeping floors at Microsoft and making $5.35 an hour.'

Which brings us to the moral of the story:

Since you got this story by e-mail, you're probably closer to being a janitor than a millionaire.

Sadly, I received it also.

[frawin]

Subject: My Kind Of Grandma


Here's a quote from a government employee who witnessed a recent interaction between an elderly woman and an antiwar protester in a Metro station in DC.

There were protesters on the train platform handing out pamphlets on the evils of America. I politely declined to take one.  An elderly woman was behind me getting off the escalator and a young female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she politely declined.

The young protester put her hand on the old woman's shoulder as a gesture of friendship and in a very soft voice said, "Lady, don't you care about the children of Iraq?"

The old woman looked up at her and said, "Honey, my father died in France during World War II, I lost my husband in Korea,  and a son in Vietnam.  All three died so you could have the right to stand here and bad mouth our country.  If you touch me again, I'll stick this umbrella up your ass and open it."

[Catwoman]

Now, that's my type of Granny!!!!!!!!!!!!  Huh.  Must be related to Teresa! 

[frawin]

Now, that's my type of Granny!!!!!!!!!!!!  Huh.  Must be related to Teresa! 

That is exactly what I thought, then I thought that could be Jo McDonald in a few years. That is meant as a compliment to both of you, Teresa and Jo.

[Teresa]

Now, that's my type of Granny!!!!!!!!!!!!  Huh.  Must be related to Teresa! 

That is exactly what I thought, then I thought that could be Jo McDonald in a few years. That is meant as a compliment to both of you, Teresa and Jo.

Taken as such.. Thank you.. 

[flo]

GO GRANNY GO

[frawin]

You know that Granny might have been Flo. That is a compliment as far as I am concerned.
Frank

[flo]

thank you for that compliment, Frank, and I would have been inclined to do the same thing with my umbrella