Chuckles

[Judy Harder]

Pinocchio, Snow White and Superman are walking in the street when they come
across a sign:
"Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."
"I am entering," said Snow White. After half an hour she comes out and they
ask her, "Well, how was it?"
"First Place", said Snow White.
They continue walking and they see a sign: "Contest for the strongest man in
the world."
"I'm entering," says Superman and after half an hour he returns and they ask
him, "How was it?"
"First Place," answers Superman.
They continue walking when they see a sign: "Contest! Who is the greatest
liar in the world?"
Pinocchio enters. After half an hour he returns with tears in his eyes.
"What happened?" they asked,
"Who is this Obama?" asked Pinocchio.

[frawin]

Judy, this can't compare with your Chuckles Postings but I thought it was a good one.
CATHOLIC GASOLINE
>>
>>               Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was
>> out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of
>> gas. As luck would have it, an Exxon Gasoline station was just a block
>> away.
>>
>>               She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some
>> gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been
>> loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary
>> Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked
>> back to her car.
>>
>>               She looked for something in her car that she could fill
>> with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient.  Always
>> resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it
>> with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.
>>
>>               As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists
>> watched from across the street.
>>
>>               One of them turned to the other and said, 'If it starts,
>> I'm turning Catholic.
>>





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[Judy Harder]

I like that Frank........I did laugh OUT loud.
Thanks

[frawin]

Judy, I liked this one other than not liking a word or two in it.

Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says,
'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?'

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

'Oh no,' says Bob.  'He's in my bowling league.

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if  he'd like his usual, and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know that you drink Budweiser?'

'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says,

'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'

Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab.
Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every (4) letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says,

'Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.....'



BOB's funeral will be on Friday.

 

[Dale Smith]

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
       She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch,
      but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad
       in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
 
       Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
 
       She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she
       decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him
      around  the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put
      ;  in long  hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
 
       For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.
 
       Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, 'You have
       done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into
       town and kick up your heels.'
 
       The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday
       night.   One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two
       o'clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty,
       and upon entering the  room,  he found the rancher's widow sitting
       by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
 
       She quietly called him over to her. 'Unbutton my blouse and take it
       off,' she said.  Trembling, he did as she directed. 'Now take off my
       boots.'  He did as she asked, ever so slowly. 'Now take off my socks.'
 
       He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. 'Now take
       off my skirt.'  He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes
       in the fire light. 'Now take off my bra.'   Again, with trembling hands,
       he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
 
 
       Then she looked at him and said, 'If you ever wear my clothes into
       town again, you're fired !'

[dnalexander]

Dale, I have a neighbor that is from Kansas. She happens to be a Transexual. I just showed it to her. I guarantee that joke will be flying around hundreds of computers in San Francisco tonight. I can not stop laughing.

David

[Diane Amberg]

Oh my heavenly days!

[Dale Smith]

Dale, I have a neighbor that is from Kansas. She happens to be a Transexual. I just showed it to her. I guarantee that joke will be flying around hundreds of computers in San Francisco tonight. I can not stop laughing.

David

David,  We have a student, here at the Seminary, that is transexual.  She actually sent me this joke.  LOL

[frawin]

I have seen this before and got it again today as an e-mail. I could see some of the guys I grew up with pulling this. Frank Only a person in Texas could think of this. From the county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story.

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Spring , Texas after last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his

car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off--it was a fine, dry

summer night--, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes As some more of the other patrons' vehicles left. At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out

and drove slowly down the road. The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had

consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.' 'I doubt it,' said the truly proud Redneck. 'Tonight I'm the designated decoy.'




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[Dale Smith]

LOL... thanks Frank. That was great.