Chuckles

[Diane Amberg]

He deserved every bit of it.

[Carl Harrod]

A lot of people are smarter than they look ... and they ought to be.

A lot of trouble in this world is caused by combining a narrow mind with a wide mouth.

Wisdom is knowing when to speak your mind and when to mind your speech.

[Jo McDonald]

It is always darkest before dawn, so if you are going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that is the time to do it.

[Diane Amberg]

 Don't run your mouth until your brain is in gear.

[Kjell H.]

A Texas cowboy went to the dentist with a toothache.
After an examination, the dentist told the cowboy he had a tooth that had to come
out.  He said, "I'm going to give you a shot of Novocain and I'll be
back in just a few minutes."

The old cowboy grabbed the doc's arm and said, "No way!!!  I hate needles and I ain't havin' no shot!"

The dentist said, "That's okay, we'll just go with gas instead."

The cowboy replied, "Gas makes me sick.  I ain't havin' no gas either."

Without saying a word, the dentist turned and left the room for a minute
and when he came back, he handed the cowboy a glass of water and said,
"Here, take this pill."

The cowboy looked at the pill and asked, "What is it?"

The dentist replied, "Its Viagra."

The old cowboy looked surprised and asked, "Will that kill the pain?"

"No," replied the dentist, "but it'll give you something to hang on to while I pull that tooth."

[Diane Amberg]

Ahem!

[Jo McDonald]

THE HAIR DRYER, AND HOW IT TRAVELLED.......


A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest

beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?" "Of course. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday.

The dryer is unopened and well over the Customs limits; and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it.

Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they reached the Customs area, she let the priest go ahead of her.

The official asked: "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked,

"And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman,

but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father."

[Teresa]

  ~~~

[Carl Harrod]

A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you."
"I know" said the man, "but I can't. My wife refuses to sleep alone."


More Kids' Finish Sayings
* We have nothing to fear but ... our principal.
* To err is human ... To eat a muskrat is not.
* I think ... therefore I get a headache.
* Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry, ... and someone yells, "Shut up!"
* It's always darkest ... before 11:30 p.m.
* Early to bed and early to rise ... is first in the bathroom.
* A journey of a thousand miles begins ... with a blister.
* There is nothing new under ... the bed.
* Don't count your chickens ... it takes too long.
* The grass is always greener ... when you put manure on it.

[Teresa]

Kids.. the most honest innocent creatures that walk upright.. hahaha
If you don't want to know the truth.. then don't ask a child.