Chuckles

[Diane Amberg]

  And for all you rocket scientists....A neutron walked up to a hot dog cart and asked the owner," How much for a large hot dog with mustard, relish and onions?"  The cart owner replied, "For you, no charge."

[kdfrawg]

What would he say to a proton?

[Diane Amberg]

 I'm not sure, maybe he would say he was neutral about the whole thing.
  Here's another. Two molecules were skipping down the road, when they bumped into each other. "Are you all right," sez one to the other. ''No, I lost an electron," said the second to the first. ''Are you sure?'' said #1. "Yup," said #2, as he checked himself over, "I'm positive."

[kdfrawg]

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

[kfclark]

A man brought his comatose bird to his veterinarian to see if it could be saved.

The Vet examined the bird and pronounced it dead.  The man cried, OH ARE YOU SURE. The Vet said if you insist, there are some further tests we can do. The man said please do them.

In a few minutes the Vet brought in a Yellow Labrador Retriever, the dog licked the bird, and started baying very sadly.

Next the Vet brought in a Grey Tabby cat. The feline sniffed the bird and started to meow, again in a doleful mouring tone.

The Vet said, "I am sorry, but your bird is dead".  The sad man left the Vet's office and went to pay his bill.

The Vet's assistant presented him with the bill and the man was outraged. "You're charging me $150.00 to tell me that my bird is dead?" 

Yes sir replied the assistant, $50.00 for the office visit and
$50.00 each for the Lab Report and the Cat Scan.

[Rudy Taylor]

The parents asked a first grader what he learned in school today.

"We learned how to make babies," the kid replied.

Shocked and obviously cautious, the dad asked, "...and how do you make babies?"

Drop the "y" and add "i-e-s," came the kid's reply.

[Diane Amberg]

 B-o-o-o! to all of you. YUK,YUK,

[kfclark]

A man walks into a Pet store and asks the clerk for a file.
Clerk: We don't carry files, What do you need to file?
Man: I need to file down my pet parrot's beak. It is too sharp and if he bites me it hurts.
Clerk: You can't use a file to file down your parrot's beak, you'll kill it.
Man: No no, I'll be really careful, I'll just go next door to the hardware store and buy a file.

The next day the man returns to the Pet Store.
Clerk: How can I help you today?
Man: I need to buy a new parrot, mine died.
Clerk: AH HA, I told you that if you filed your parrot's beak it would die.
Man: Filing his beak didn't kill him, he was dead when I put his head in the vice.

[kdfrawg]

That's horrible!

I love it!

[Diane Amberg]

 That was a late parrot!