Chuckles

[dnalexander]

                     

                         



To (My Bank)

Dear Sirs:       
To my Bank;

In view of what seems to be happening internationally with banks at
the moment, I was wondering if you could advise me. If one
of my checks is returned marked "insufficient funds ,"how
do I know whether that refers to *me* or to *you*?



Sincerely ~ ___________

Very Funny. I'll add part of the letter I would write.

Per your final notice regarding my not making good on my check and the fee you charged. See I have improperly mismanaged my funds. It is in your best interest to just forget about it and lend me $1,000 dollars to dig myself out of this hole. I am poor and even if you sue me you won't be able to collect money that I don't have and will not have in the near future. I am small enough to fail and there ain't nothing you could do about it. I guess you forgot about all the money we gave to bail you out.

David

[Diane Amberg]

HA!!!!

[Jo McDonald]

An elderly man, wearing a stove pipe hat, a waistcoat, and a phony beard, sat down at a bar and ordered a drink. 
The bartender placed his drink on the bar and said, "Going to a party?"
"Yes", the man answered.  "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life".
"But you look like Abe Lincoln", protested the barkeep.
"That's right", replied Abe, "my last four scores were seven years ago".

            *********************

[Diane Amberg]

Oh Boo!

[Dee Gee]

I have heard it say when pigs fly America will have a black President, Obama has been in office for a 100 days and now we have swine flu.

[Jo McDonald]

   

These classifieds were really put in the paper - a smile for your day


FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites!

FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

FREE PUPPIES.. Mother, AKC German Shepherd. Father, Super Dog...able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like a rat. Been out a while and was hell to clean up. Better be a big reward.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.

NORDIC TRACK $300 Hardly used, call Chubby.

GEORGIA PEACHES  California  grown - 89 cents/lb.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300.

WEDDING DRESS FOR  SALE  Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.

And the best one:

FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed, Got married last month...
and discovered Wife knows everything.


-

[Jo McDonald]

You have two choices in life:

You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.



******

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

******

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted".
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."

******


When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

******

A woman is incomplete until she is married.

Then she is finished.

******

A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

******

A young son asked, "Dad, is it true, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."

******

Then there was a woman who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."

******

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

******

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say,

talk in your sleep.   


******

Just think, if it weren't for marriage,

men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

******

First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

******

"A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for

Wisdom to understand a man,

to Love and to forgive him,

and for patience for his moods. 

Because Lord, if I pray for Strength

I'll just beat him to death"

[Judy Harder]

What Religion is Your Bra?

A man walked into the ladies department of Myer's
and shyly walked up to
the woman behind the counter and said,
'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife. '
' What type of bra?'
asked the clerk.

'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type?'
' Look around,'
said the saleslady,
as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, colour
and material imaginable.
'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from .'
Relieved, the man asked
about the types.
The saleslady replied:
'There are the Catholic,
the Salvation Army,
the Presbyterian,
and the Baptist types.
Which one would you prefer?'

Now totally befuddled,
the man asked about
the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded,
'It is all really quite simple. .

The Catholic type supports the masses;
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright;
The Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills.'

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used
to define bra sizes?
< B>If you have wondered why,
but couldn't figure out
what the letters stood for,
it is about time
you became informed!

(A} Almost Boobs..
{B} Barely there...
{C} Can't Complain!..
{D} Dang!...
{DD} Double dang!....
{E} Enormous!...
{F} Fake....
{G} Get a Reduction...
{H} Help me, I've fallen
and I can't get up!...

Send this to
all that will appreciate it!
They forgot the German bra.
Holtzemfromfloppen     



   

[Diane Amberg]

Love that German bra!   

[Bonnie M.]

Some fun entertainment.

  http://fschnell.net/WordPress/?p=1094