Chuckles

[Dee Gee]

A bakery owner hires a young female clerk who likes to wear very short skirts and thong panties.

One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter.
Noticing the length of her skirt (or lack thereof) and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea.
'I'd like some raisin bread please,' the man says politely.
The female clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which is located on the very top shelf.
The young man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he surmised he would.
Once she descends the ladder he muses that he really should get two loaves, as he is having company for dinner.
As the clerk retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what was going on.
Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view.
With each trip up the ladder, the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread, just to see the clerk climb up and down. After many trips she is tired, irritated and thinking that she is really going to have to try the bread herself.
Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd, staring up at her.
Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man, 'Is it raisin for you too?'

'No,' stammers the old man, 'but it's a quiverin'...'

[heather_tyler_2014]

                                                        winter temps
60 above zero:Floridians turn up heat
Kansas'ns: Plant gardens

50 above zero
Californian's: shiver uncontrollablly
Kansas'ns:Sunbathe

40 above zero
Italians & english's cars wont start
Kansas: roll their window down

32 above zero
Distillied water freezes
kansas: water get's thicker

20 above zero
Floridains don coats,thermal underwear,gloves,wool hats
Kansas: peole throw on thermal shirts

15 above zero
New York landlord finally turn up heat
Kansas: People have the last cookout before it get's cold

zero degrees
People in miami all die
Kansas: people close windows

25 below
Hollywood disenigrates
Kansas: Girlscout's go door-to-door selling cookies

40 below
Washington runs out of hot air
Kansas: let there dog's sleep inside

100 below
Santa abandons the north pole
kansas: people get upset cuz' the y can't start their mini-vans

460 below
All atomic motion stops(absolute nothing on kelvin scale)
Kansas people start sayin .....cold'nuff fer ya

500 below
hell freezes over
Ks. public schools have a 2 hour delay....... I thought it would get a chuckle got one out of me lol

[sixdogsmom]

 
Yes, and it's just about been cold enough!

[heather_tyler_2014]

I found that And, I figured you guy's would love it

[Carl Harrod]

Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.

If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.

If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.

If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.

If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.

A woman multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.

Why is this important for every man to know?

Because if you give her any crap, you need be ready to receive a ton of __it
in return.

[sixdogsmom]

  Good one!!

[Dee Gee]

Isn't that the truth. 

[Jo McDonald]

My  husband  said, "Whatcha doin today?"
I said, "Nothing."
He said, "You did that yesterday!"
I said, "I wasn't finished!!!!!!!"

[Catwoman]

LOL...feeling your oats today?   

[Warph]

Christmas Carols For the Mentally Disturbed



1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....

6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells...