Chuckles

[Judy Harder]

Thanks for my morning giggle Carl.
LOL

[Diane Amberg]

Here too! I wish I had written down the ones I heard, or read, over the years. Thanks for reminding me how funny they can be.

[T. Sackett]

     SENIOR CITIZEN

     (This one smarts a little--too realistic)

I'm a SENIOR CITIZEN and proud of it--
I'm the life of the party....even when it lasts until 8 p.m.
I'm very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer.
I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.
I'm good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin and antacid.
I'm the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go.
I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a word you are saying.
I'm very good at telling stories.......over----and over---and over.
I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as bright as mine.
I'm so cared for:  long term care, eye care, Medicare, dental care.
I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds or politicians.
I'm positive I did housework correctly before my mate retired.
I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place.
I'm wrinkled, saggy, and lumpy and that's just my left leg.
I'm having trouble remembering simple words like..............
I'm realizing that aging is not for sissies.
I'm walking more (to the bathroom) and enjoying it less.
I'm going to reveal what goes on behind closed doors, absolutely nothing!
I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days.
I'm in the initial stage of my golden years: SS, CD's, IRA's and AARP.
I'm a walking storeroom of facts.........I just lost the key to it.
I'm a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having the time of my life!!!

Now if I could only remember who sent this to me, I would't be sending it back to them.....

[greatguns]

I LOVE IT !!!!!!!!!!

[Diane Amberg]

Sounds very familiar....yawn

[sixdogsmom]

Sounds like some folks I know, now if I could just remember their names. Hmmmmm   

[Carl Harrod]

Here is a good one for the Politically minded, who wish to understand the truth about a name: Walking Eagle.

Senator Hilary Clinton was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation in upper New York State.

She spoke for almost an hour on her future plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living, should she one day become the first female President. She referred to her career as a New York Senator, how she had signed "YES" for every Indian issue that came to her desk for approval. Although the Senator was vague on the details of her plan, she seemed most enthusiastic about her future ideas for helping her "red sisters and brothers".

At the conclusion of her speech, the Tribes presented the Senator with a plaque inscribed with her new Indian name - Walking Eagle. The proud Senator then departed in her motorcade, waving to the crowds.

A news reporter later inquired to the group of chiefs of how they come to select the new name given to the Senator. They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of shit it can no longer fly.

[Judy Harder]

I love it,             LOL

[Jo McDonald]

 
                        Subject: Top 10


Top 10 reasons a gun is favored over a woman.

#10 You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

#9 You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

#8 If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably
let you try it out a few times.

#7 Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

#6 Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

#5 A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

#4 Guns function normally every day of the month.

#3 A gun doesn't ask , "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

#2 A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman.

#1 You can buy a silencer for a gun !

[Marcia Moore]

     There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo Toys.  The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. 
     Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 a.m.  The next day at 8:45 a.m. there is a knock at the personnel manager's door.  The foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.  He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
     The personnel manager decides he should see this for himself, so the two men march down to the factory floor.  When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.  At the end of the line stood Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.  She had a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
     The two men watched in amazement as she cut a little piece of fabric, wrapped it around two marbles and began to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.  The personnel manager burst into laughter.  After several minutes of hysterics he pulled himself together and approached Lena.  "I'm sorry," he said to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...   Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."