Chuckles

[Carl Harrod]

If people were taught by dogs, we'd learn stuff like:
**When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
**Allow the experience of fresh air and wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
**Take naps and stretch before rising.
**Avoid biting when a simple growl will do
**No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout.  Run right back and make friends.
**Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
**Be loyal.
**If you want what lies buried, dig until you find it.
**When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

[Diane Amberg]

 This is so true. However, I'm glad you didn't include butt sniffing.

[Teresa]

Gasp! DIANE!! 
Isn't that horrible when you have someones dog kind of "on you" and you are trying to pet it and be nice and discreet..and it just keeps ..like auhmmm .. you know trying to get "close to you"..??
I had a little  Poodle ( Skipper Dee)  that loved to "ride" your foot if you sat with your legs crossed.
Lord, I was always so embarrassed when friends would come over. I would see him walk over by their swinging leg and I KNEW what he was going to do.. so I would try to jump up and grab him and set him in my lap while they were there.
((jeese  )

[sixdogsmom]

LOLOLOL!!!!

We had a little fat bodied poodle whose name started out to be muffin, but migrated into 'The Duff'. She was something else; she had a sofa pillow for a partner. One evening, my sis and Bro-in-law were visiting; hubby and I were in the kitchen fixing the vittals when I heard Buddy, (Bro-In Law) cackling! I was sooo embarrassed, I had forgotten to put the boyfriend in the closet like I usually did when my mom came to visit. Buddy was rolling with laughter when I went into the living room, he enjoyed the floor show immensely! I can identify with your plight Teresa. LOL!!!

[Teresa]

yea.. Our Jack Russell had his stuffed bunny that was his "friend".
It didn't matter who was around.. he would go in and get his "friend" .. carry it in wherever we were and proceed to gather it up under him and "love" on it.. Much to the embarrassment of me and the total amusement of everyone else. 

[sixdogsmom]

Duff would go through pockets and purses and steal things. She loved sunglasses and kleenex. She really had a blast shopping in the Avon ladys' presentation case. She was such a fun dog---loved to discuss politics and the world situation! Our kids are very special!

[Mom70x7]

The Flasher

Three older ladies named Gertrude, Maude and Tilly were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation,
when a flasher approached from across the park.

The flasher came up to the ladies; stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.

Gertrude immediately had a stroke.

Then Maude also had a stroke.

But Tilly, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.

[Diane Amberg]

Oh, my!!!

[emptynest]

Sex Frogs

A young blonde goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of live frogs.

The sign says, "SEX FROGS! Only $20 each!!!   Comes with complete instructions."

The blond excitedly looks around to see if anyone is watching her.

She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one."

As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, "Just follow the instructions."   The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does exactly what is specified.

1.   Take a shower.

2.   Splash on some nice perfume.

3.   Slip into a very, sexy nightgown. ....or better yet, nothing at all!

4,   Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.

She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise, nothing happens!! The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point.  She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says,  "If you have any questions or problems, please call the pet store."

So the blonde calls the pet store.

The man says, "I'll be right over."

Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell.

The blonde welcomes him in and says,  "See, I've done everything  according to the instructions. The _ _ _ _ frog just sits there."

The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says,

"Listen to me!! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!!!!!"

[Carl Harrod]

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!!'
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the Hell is this??' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out. 'April,' he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?'
She replied with a snicker... 'It's not talcum powder...... It's 'Miracle Grow'.'