Chuckles

[Diane Amberg]

 I honor of school starting again, another "3rd grade joke"

      Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
       
       Because then it would be a foot!

[Jo McDonald]

She said, "We aren't going to have mushrooms because they are too expensive."

He said, "Why don't you go down in the pasture and pick some of those mushrooms? There are plenty of them right in the creek bed."

She said, "No, I don't want to do that. I've heard that wild mushrooms are poisonous."

He said, "I don't think so. I see the critters eating them all the time and it never has affected them."

After thinking about it for a while, Edna decided to give it a try. She got in the pickup and drove down to the pasture and picked a large basketful. She brought them back home and washed, sliced and diced them to use in her favorite smothered steak recipe. Then she went out to the porch and put a couple of handfuls in Ol' Rex's bowl. She even added some bacon grease to make them tasty for the old dog. Ol' Rex didn't slow down until he'd eaten every bite.

All morning, Edna watched Ol' Rex and the wild mushrooms didn't seem to affect him at all, so she went ahead and served them to her company that evening.

It was an important dinner, and Edna had hired Carol, a lady from town, to come out and help her serve. She wore a white apron and a little cap on her head first class all the way ... and the meal was a great success.

After everyone had finished eating, they all moved to the living
room to relax and socialize. After about 30 minutes, Carol came in and whispered in Edna's ear, "Mrs. Brown, I'm sorry to tell you this, but Ol' Rex just died."

With this news, Edna went into hysterics! When she finally calmed down, she called the doctor and told him what had happened.

The doctor said, "It's bad, but I think we can take care of it. I will call for an ambulance and I'll get there as quick as I can. We'll have to give everyone an enema and pump their stomach, but I'm sure everything will be fine. Just keep them all there and keep them calm."

It wasn't long before they heard the wail of the siren as the ambulance approached. When they got there, the EMTs got out with their suitcases, syringes and a stomach pump. The doctor arrived shortly after.

One by one, they took each person into the master bathroom, gave them an enema and pumped out their stomach. After the last one was finished, the doctor came out and said, "I think everyone will be fine now. Just rest for a few more hours before you attempt to drive home," and he left.

They were all sitting in the living room, looking peaked but grateful, when Carol came in to see if they needed anything.

On her way out of the room, she stopped and said, "You know, that fellow who ran over Ol' Rex never even slowed down!"

[Diane Amberg]

 Oh, no!   

[emptynest]

Here's to those of you women (and understanding men) who have heard: "Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free?"
Well, here's an update.  Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY?  Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.  (These are not necessarily my words or thoughts----I am just sharing what was passed on to me)  So, don't shoot the messenger, OK?

1.  Men are like.......Laxatives.......They irritate the crap out of you.
2.      Men are like.......weather.........Nothing can be done to change them.
3.      Men are like.......Blenders.........You need one, but you're not sure why.
4;      Men are like.......Chocolate Bars......sweet, smooth, and they ususally head right for your hips.
5.      Men are like.......Commercials........You can't believe a word they say.
6.      Men are like.......Department Stores......their clothes are always half off.
7.      Men are like....../Government Bondsb].......They take sooooooooooo long to mature.
8.      Men are like.......Mascara............They ususally run at the first sign of emotion.
9.      Men are like.......Popcorn...........They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
10.    Men are like.......Lava Lamps.......Fun to look at, but not very bright.
11.    Men are like.......Parking Spots....The good ones are already taken and the rest are handicapped.

This is all in fun..........Believe me, as much as I was irritated from time to time with my husband, (God rest his soul), I miss him dearly and even some of irritating things he did.  So, if you can, look beyond those things, because one day your time together may not be long enough.   Don't mean to lecture.  Just speaking from the sense of humor and the heart.

[Janet Harrington]

Ah, Susan.  You know I love mine.  I do get irritated, but if I was to lose him, who would I get irritated with?  Thanks for the chuckle.  I loved it.

[Diane Amberg]

 Yes, Susan, I totally understand what you mean and how you mean it.

[Diane Amberg]

 You know you're getting older when that gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

[Teresa]

Ah, Susan.  You know I love mine.  I do get irritated, but if I was to lose him, who would I get irritated with?  Thanks for the chuckle.  I loved it.

Me..
you would get irritated at me..

[dandymomma]

Thanks for the laugh. After yesterday I needed it.

[Diane Amberg]

 What do you call a fish with no eye.

A fsh