Chuckles

[flo]

changed my mind

The Giraff called a meeting of all the animals and they all showed up but one, can you guess which one didn't show up?
   The elephant, cause he's still in the refrigerator

You are traveling through the jungle and come to a river you must cross, but you know that this river is also used by alligators. So how do you get across? 

   YOU SWIM ACROSS - The alligators are all at the meeting. 

[kdfrawg]

What do you call a girl with one leg shorter than the other?

Eileen.

[flo]

What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
   Quattro Sinko

[Diane Amberg]

 Si,! Those are all really funny. Who was unfortunately born with a purple cast to his skin, but grew up to be a great warrior anyway?    Alexander the Grape.

[Diane Amberg]

 Now, for the edification of you medical laypeople out there, I will lay before your feet some very technical medical terminology. Please accept this in the spirit it was intended.

      Artery---- the study of fine paintings
      Cesarean section---- a district in Rome
      Colic----a sheep dog
      Congenital----friendly
      Dilate------To live longer
      Fester----quicker


      More to come later

[Jo McDonald]

   GROOOAAANNNN~~~~~~~~~~~`````

[kdfrawg]

Church Bulletin Bloopers

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."  The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
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Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
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Ladies, don't forget  the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.  So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"  Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.  Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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The Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.  Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours!"

[Diane Amberg]

 Kermit, if I die laughing, Al will have you arrested for murder.

[kdfrawg]

I honestly don't know why I find those so amusing, but I do.   

[Diane Amberg]

 amusing...AMUSING? Those are fall on the floor and kick your feet hilarious! But prim and proper little ol' me would never do that.