I need HELP!

[Teresa]

Ok.. I have to tell you all what happened to me today.
And if you know me.. then you "know" and will be able to "hear" how I will be telling this.. LOL

I have HUGE problems... and I mean HUGE!!!!!  Now listen up because I need advice  and I need it now!
**STOP IT.. Ta Ta..

Stop rolling your eyes..and not taking me serious!
You know how I get when I get battle rattled..

I am serious this time.. This is for real .....Really!! 

I tried calling my mom, and it rang about 16 times and no one answered.. no machine picked up either... so I just hung up, and I really needed my mothers advice.. I mean come on...
I hate that too... no message machine or nothing..  She has an answering machine, but the damned thing...........
Oh well... don't get me started on another subject..
Back to my crisis!!

  I have been crawling around inside my house for the past week..with my nose to the ground and my ass in the air like a blood hound sniffing and all but licking the carpet ..trying to find out if and where Sheeba or Tiger ( my cats) peed in the living room. It was awful.
It was only in a certain area. They have never ever done anything in the house before. I don't like cats inside all the time so they have never been inside cats but they do come in and take a nap and eat, but then they want to go back outside.
So this was really driving me crazy.  ( I am a little bit of a "picky" clean nut in my house..)

I steamed cleaned, I sprayed, I scrubbed.. STILL couldn't smell anything directly but the stench was awful when you stood up.
I mean come on... Unless the little #@*!!  grabbed the ceiling fan with their feet and swung around and peed as they swung, I couldn't figure it out.!!!

It was a mystery only the Scooby Doo crew could handle .. ( I would have called Ghostbusters.. but .weeellll... there wasn't any ghosts involved I didn't think , so that was out)
Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys probably couldn't have helped either.. )
And James Bond.................weeeellll **fanning myself*** didn't figure it was a big enough job for him to take.
But, once again, I am getting off the subject...
Back to my crisis.

Kjell thought it was coming from under the house.. because he could smell it right by where the gas valve comes up through the carpet.
I soon came to realize that the old Norwegians nose had proved right . (lol)
And sure enough......... we went outside and the piece of wood that had covered the crawl space to under the house was off.!
All the stray cats in the whole town I think have been staying under the house keeping warm and having a grand old time using it for a community bathroom!...

SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This morning, I get up early and  I don my plastic gloves  and proceed to crawl under the house. I had a box of moth balls, and a can of that  Scram stuff to keep animals away from the bushes etc.
( Figured if it worked on bushes it might work here)

I got all down and started slowly crawling myself  inside. What you have to remember is that I don't like tight spaces and  I don't like the thought of being trapped inside a dark place where my sides can't touch.
Plus, the stink was horrible.. it was a land mine of cat poop, from what my sniffer was telling me .
What I could see was very little because it was dark but there seemed to be a several little rooms under there.

I was going to crawl further than I did, but last nights whole cornish game hen, fried mushrooms , plus all the potato chips and cheese its that I have been eating plus  enough cream in my tea to start my own dairy that I consume everyday , prevented me from going too far inside.
(((Remember the panic mode when I start to scrape the side of something??)))........................
.
So, I stopped midway in..  twisted my body around and tried to assess the situation...all the while wondering if a wild cat was sitting in one of the dark corners, just waiting for me to make a move so he could screech out of  there to try to get through the hole that was totally blocked by "lasts night supper". 

I decided that all was clear so I decided to use the moth balls. ( after all.. I always heard it kept skunks out of places)
Well................
I threw about a box of moth balls under my house.
I guess I thought that if a few were good more would be better. I just grabbed them and gave them a huge fling all over  under the house. Thousands of them.. ( well , maybe not actually thousands.. but at least 50) 

That done.. I backed my carcass out of the hole ....sealed the place that the cats were getting in.. dusted off my hands.. let a satisfactory sigh and strutted off... Feeling sassy and "on top of the world".. and knowing deep down that I needed nobody to help me with my dilemma's. Yes sireeerrreee...
I am woman.. hear me roar!!

Then the smell hit me..
OH MY GOD~~ P.U.!!!  YUCK!~!!!!!!!.. Those moth balls were ... Oh Lord.. ""POWERFUL"" to say the least.
Now it really DOES stink to the high heaven. You can not believe how strong it is...
It was gagging me..

So now I have THAT to deal with!

I think the cat pee was better to smell.   And THAT was about to make me sick . It is horrible and there isn't any way to get  those moth balls out now..
((Remember?? I was too fat to get in there this morning and so I am sure as hell certain that I can't lose enough to take another hitch at it by tomorrow.. )

So.............................................
..  QUESTION??!!!!
How long does the moth balls last? I suppose I am in for  a long haul of  the smell of my "Grandma McDonald's Closet" for months now.
Someone HAS to know how long those "stink balls" are going to last!
For the love of God... it is now creeping into every room of the house and I have burnt so much incense that I am sure Kansas probably thinks that my house is the Catholic church and Pope has set up residence.
The potpourri ..the candles.. the aromatherapy  stuff I have mixed up and sprayed...
Nope!!!   It isn't helping..

I NEED SOMETHING!!!!

Guess I will await your answer.. 

I just hope my grand kids aren't graduating from high school before the moth balls dissolve.. I may have to get a sprayer and mix up something and over spray all over under there.
But what to use for the mixture??
.. Then again..............Aaaahhhhhh...........................
Hello??!!??!!??   I can't get under there..
And because there were several little rooms under there... I had to used my Mickey Mantle arm and managed to throw those moth balls waaaayyyyy back inside those tiny crevices!!
A 3 year old couldn't fit back in there to get them out!

AAAUUGGHHHHH!!!!!!    HELP!!

Calling ...Dr Bombay Dr. Bombay~~ Emergency Come right away!!
(That is showing my age..huh)



Sigh..........................any suggestions will be seriously considered as help.

[Joanna]

Teresa, hmmph, I'm so sorry for you, hmmph, I can imagine how awful it must be, hmmph...
Sorry, I'm trying so hard not to laugh!  And it sounds so very much like something I'd do too!

I have a box of mothballs I've had in a damp basement for 9 years...  Still going strong.
I don't have any actual helpful advice, but when the weather gets nicer, you should open every vent under your house you can find to help it air out though... hmmph, hmmph, ha ha Ha Ha HA HA HA
I love starting the day with a good laugh!

[MarineMom]

I'm not going to be any help,  like Joanna I am trying not to laugh 'cos I can picture me doing the same thing, I have had some mothballs in the the storage space under the eaves for 18 months and if we close the bedroom door for any length of time you can still smell them  Maybe its time to excavate under the house and turn the crawl space into a basement removing the moth balls and the stinkies all at once
I don't think Dr. Bombay will be much help as I seem to recall he usually made things worse

Well I am no help so I am going to go chuckle I mean I am going to drink my coffee

[Wilma]

Nothing like a good laugh to start the day.  It isn't funny but it is funny.  Nothing has the staying power of moth balls.  But for now, cross ventilation would be the best bet, just be sure the ventilation holes are screened so the cats can't get back in.  Maybe the cross ventilation will make the moth balls disintegrate faster, also.

We had this problem at Haysville.  We tried blocking the cats out, but the skunks would dig under the skirting and leave a hole so the cats could get back in.  I solved the problem by getting rid of all the cats that I could trap.  The rest of them were wild enough that they didn't hang around the house and even quit hanging around when we stopped putting any kind of food out.  Helped get rid of the skunks, too.

I like MarineMom's suggestion.  Excavate and make a basement.  Forget Dr. Bombay.  He would be too busy with his girl friends to answer your call.  That was a good show, wasn't it?

[genealogynut]

Yes, I suggested something similar to this to Teresa.  But the danger with this is on whether the water lines are near the ventilation holes, and it depends on which side of the house the crawl space is on. (In this frigid weather, water liines could freeze up rather quick).  I think it would also be wise to mention that a person could become rather sick by breathing those amonnia fumes.  That could lead to serious health problems.

Another thought--pay your grandchildren to crawl in there and pick them all up! 

Another suggestion for folks that are looking for a way to get rid of pet odors would be to use this liquid pet neutreulizer (not spelled right) that can be found in various stores.  I've used it in the past a number of times and it worked.   

[Wilma]

An exhaust fan under the house might help, but that would pull in cold air.  Or open a window on the downwind side of the house.  Or move until the problem can be solved.  If tomato juice works on skunk odor, would it work here, too.  I'm trying.

[CrumCowgirlMama]

We had a similar incident recently. Billy put mouse poison under the house and within the next week we smelled something dead. After crawling under the house and checking everywhere IN the house we concluded the "dead" smell was coming from the vents. So this mouse decided to die in the ventilation system of our new house! We had no choice but to deal with the smell until it went away. I, like you Teresa, tried everything to cover the stench. And finally, I found something that worked. I put a small saucer of vinegar where the smell was the strongest, and let it set there. It completely covered the smell! I've also been told to soak a cotton ball in vanilla and set it in a saucer. Needless to say, the dead smell is gone. I now keep a small bowl of vinegar in my laundry room and also near the trash can. It works!

[hhjacobs]

I have been known to go sniffing on all fours too. I found a mouse in the wall and when Henry got home from work the wall was down and mouse disposedof. Do you need some help taking up your floor??

[Joanna]

Teresa ~ a word of warning.  Be careful how you answer Marjean, she's not joking!

[Wilma]

Taking up the floor might be the best way.  You wouldn't have to crawl under the house.