Topeka Heart-Throbbers Football

[Warph]

Where's Roger Goodall When You Need Him

Topeka Capital-Journal

Topeka, KS. - The Topeka Heart-Throbbers, a women's semi pro football team, has just decided to forget about the remaining 6 games and concentrate on their day jobs and families, a spokesman for the team said yesterday.

The team, which was 1-7 in the Midwest Central League, lost a game last night to the Des Moines Hot-Shot Raiders which many had called a "must win" game if the Heart-Throbbers were to have a chance to make the playoffs. After the loss, the team invoked a little known "shove it" clause in their contracts which allows them to forget about the rest of the season if it seems like they won't make the playoffs to at least 60% of local sports fans.

"Wow, that's one for the record books" said the owner, who wondered what he was going to do with his rental of Bell County Stadium for the rest of the season. "I guess we can get that stamp and coin show in there, and maybe some Pee Wee football. I hope those kids haven't decided to screw the whole thing too."

Patti Ann Dari, the Heart-Throbbers fullback, was philosophical about the whole thing. She mused, "It's a royal pain in the ass to work all day at the Post Office then practice nights and weekends for $30 a game. I've always got bruises and athlete's foot. Screw that."

Heart-Throbbers fans had mixed reactions ranging from mild disinterest to slight interest, then back to mild disinterest.