Say What???!!? Facebook To Shutdown May 2015

[Warph]

Bill O'Reilly shocked the cable news world today by announcing he is leaving Fox News and heading to CNN.

Bill O'Reilly is done with the No Spin Zone.  CNN has made him the largest offer in the history of cable news.  "Bill O'Reilly will be a part owner of our network.  And O'Reilly plans on making CNN the number one network in all of cable," said a source close to CNN.

The controversial host and bestselling author will air his last show on Fox on Nov. 30.

"When I took this job I didn't take it because it was going to be the last job I ever had," O'Reilly reportedly said.

Sources close to Fox say that O'Reilly has been having heated arguments with Roger Ailes, the brains of Fox News, over the last few months.   "Roger wants to take Fox News in a new, more moderate direction and Bill wants it to remain traditional.  They almost came to blows last week," a cameraman for the network told WWN.

Glenn Beck asked O'Reilly to join him in purchasing Current TV from Al Gore, but when that fell through, Bill looked at other options.  "CNN opened its valut for Bill.  He will have even more power at CNN."

O'Reilly will reportedly continue writing novels about dead people and will get to take off as many days a  year as he wants.  "He has total freedom now."

Megyn Kelly will be taking over the 8pm slot on Fox News.   "Bill has known for a long time that Megyn was going to take his spot.  He's always in control, so he quit before they fired him.  Bill always wins," a friend of O'Reilly told WWN.

Dennis Miller, Geraldo Rivera and "Watters World' will be joining Bill O'Reilly at CNN.  "It was a package deal," said a CNN source.

***Satire***

[nykkylsdymes]

Can honestly say I am not going to miss him.  He has gone soft and over the last several years his fame has gone to his head.  Funny thing is, he was always bashing the cable networks and now he is one.  The irony.

[W. Gray]

That story is a hoax that started late last year when Fox revamped their evening line up to make room for Greta and Megyn--but left O'Reilly where he was.

[Warph]

PALO ALTO, CA –Mark Zuckerberg announced that Facebook will be shut down in May of 2015. Managing the site has become too stressful.

"Facebook has gotten out of control," reportedly said Zuckerberg in a press conference outside his Palo Alto office, "and the stress of managing this company has ruined my life. I need to put an end to all the madness."

Zuckerberg reportedly went on to explain that starting May 15th, users will no longer be able to access their Facebook accounts.  That gives users (and Facebook addicts) a year to adjust to liwithout Facebook.

"After May 15th, 2015 the whole website shuts down," said Avrat Humarthi, Vice President of Technical Affairs at Facebook. "So if you ever want to see your pictures again, I recommend you take them off the internet. You won't be able to get them back after Facebook goes out of business."

Zuckerberg said the decision to shut down Facebook was difficult, but that he does not think people will be upset.

"I personally don't think it's a big deal," he said in a private phone interview to a source close to a friend. "And to be honest, I think it's for the better. Without Facebook, people will have to go outside and make real friends. That's always a good thing."

***Satire***