One-liners to Make You Smile

[genealogynut]

>My husband and I divorced over religious differences.......he thought he was God and I didn't.

>I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it!

>Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

>I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

>Don't take life too seriously......no one gets out alive.

>Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

>I'm not a complete idiot--some parts are just missing.   (My favorite)

>Out of my mind.  ......back in five minutes.

>God must love stupid people, he made so many of them.

>The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

>Consciousness:  That annoying time between naps.

>Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

>Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

>I Have a Degree In Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

>A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

>Stupidity is not a handicap.........Park Elsewhere!!

>A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

>Ham and eggs......a day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

>I smile because I don't know what is going on.

>He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.