When did gifts become expectations?

[CrumCowgirlMama]

When I had Lane, in February 2005, I was only 18 and a senior in high school. I'm sure people talked about me, and I'm sure people still do. But what matters is that I'm happy with my life. I love my son to death and I wouldn't trade him for the world. And his father is the greatest person I've ever met, the love of my life. Anyhow, when I had Lane, I received so many gifts. I was even thrown a baby shower by two of my best friends. Immediately after the shower I purchased thank-you cards and sent them out to anyone who came, regardless if they brought a gift. I also sent cards out after I had him, because so many people gave gifts again. I sent thank-yous to people who came to the house to see him, to my sister (who brought pizza so this poor girl didn't have to cook), to Billy's mother who took time off work to come help me for 3 days, and to basically anyone who was around during that special time. I didn't expect anything from anyone. When I was in the hospital, Nancy said she would come help me, and I was gracious.
Now friends and family are asking what we "want" for Christmas. I tell them simply what we need. Lane definitly doesn't need anymore toys, as mom and dad do a fine job of spoiling him...As well as his grandparents.    So I just say, well Lane needs some shoes, or a pair of jeans. I don't expect anything from anybody. I'm thankful for the time with friends and family, and the special time that brings us together. I guess I was raised the right way!

[Janet Harrington]

I would say, CrumCowgirlMama, that you are a unique person because most people your age would not write thank you cards for gifts, let alone write them just because someone came to visit.  Your reply was wonderful.

[emptynest]

I, too, have wondered about the thank-you thing......Is it a custom of the past?  I have been to several weddings, bridal and baby showers, taken tokens of sympathy to homes and given graduation gifts---but have no response as to whether it was received or acknowledged.  Then someone told me there is a new etiquette book out saying that thank you's are not necessary anymore.  If so, why do they still sell thank you cards?  Is it not just the gracious, conscientious thing to do? 

It's not as though we even need the pat on the back---it's just the right thing to do---to let someone know that they were touched by the effort you made or by how you made them feel. 

As far as the registering for gifts --- what a crack up!  I have visited some couples registry online---and they listed things all the way from a $2.00 spatula to a $600 barbeque grill----The onery side of me wanted to put $2.00 in an envelope and tell them to apply it toward the $600 grill.  Instead, I bought them a $2.00 card.

[Joanna]

Well, I must be the odd duck here.  I always do send my thanks (at least I try to) for gifts I receive; and I only remember a couple of times that I didn't receive a Thank You card for gifts I 've given for weddings, showers, graduations, etc.  Birthday gifts & cards usually get me a phone call "Thanks", and that's better than a card for me 'cause I can visit.

I was given 2 showers when I got married; one by my church and one by my sister.  Folks were very generous and we got lots of "practical" gifts, I guess because we have practical families    Come to think of it, my sister threw the baby shower for our first son too.  Wow, I truly do owe that girl!

I do not like gift registries, but try to muddle through them as best I can.  I can figure out what colors the bride likes, and the type of things she thinks she needs (kitchen, bedding, bath, whatever).  Then I just get what I want that I think will work for them.  I always get practical things, because that's what I remember most from the gifts I've received. I do love gifting folks, it is a celebration for me; probably because I've received such great gifts myself.  I have a knife that I got at our wedding from friends of my Dad's, and I think of them every time I use it.  24 years now, that's a lot of remembering!  I remember that my husband's great aunt gave us a small pan with a mismatched lid.  I thought it pretty strange when we opened it, but you know, we used that pan at almost every meal for years!

It's not as though we even need the pat on the back---it's just the right thing to do---to let someone know that they were touched by the effort you made or by how you made them feel. 

PS, I agree that it's comforting to know that someone actually did receive you gift too!  I did hear of a couple weddings last year where someone came in and stole some of the gifts & cards at the reception! 

[Teresa]

I have always written thank you's. When we were young and still at home, Mama used to set with us until they were done. ( and we grumbled about it sometimes) but now I am glad that she taught us that manner. ( not the grumbling...the thank you writing  )

I like the gift registry. For several reasons.
Either you are going to get that person a gift or you are not.
If you are, then it is nice to know what they really need or would like to have.

I agree that some couples need to keep in mind that not everyone is not from the Rockefeller family,
so their picks and  price of things get out of hand.

But if I can purchase something from their list, then I do. If I can't, then I give them a gift certificate so that it can go towards something that they need later on.

What is the difference from calling them and"asking" what they need or want, to looking on a piece of paper to see what they need.
Just my 2 cents worth on the registry thing.

[Mom70x7]

I was taught to write "thank you's" and taught my kids the same way. After birthdays and Christmas, some of their gifts were held back, they couldn't get them until the "thank you's" were written. 

And then they are blessed with an aunt who will NOT give them a gift for the next occasion unless she receives her "thank you" from the previous one.

Out of my 5+, three are very good still with their "thank you's" - pretty good percentage for my kids and manners.