When You See An Old Person...

[Warph]

Mattie was a very dear family friend. She had been a very bright 90 year old but her body was badly ravaged by time - she died in the Geriatric Ward of a hospital in Lanarkshire in Scotland.  On one of our many visits she complained about being "spoken about" and very rarely "spoken to".  She disliked being talked about as if she wasn't there!.  She desperately wanted to be included in the conversation.

This poem was written by one of her nurses when she retired.  It reflects what Mattie experienced and felt -  what many old people feel - what many disabled people feel.

Seniors know this to be true - there is a young fit person inside all of us.  Most people - even some nurses -  do tend to treat the elderly and disabled people as senile or "not all there".    Even us younger OAPs are sometimes guilty!  Please be patient with people older - and even those younger - than yourself!



     Mattie's Poem


What do you see, nursie, what do you see,
what are you thinking when you're looking at me?
A crabby old woman, not very wise,
uncertain of habit, with faraway eyes.

Who dribbles her food and makes no reply
when you say in a loud voice, "I do wish you'd try?"
Who seems not to notice the things that you do,
and forever is losing a stocking or shoe.

Who, resisting or not, lets you do as you will
with bathing and feeding, the long day to fill.
Is that what you're thinking?  Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse; you're not looking at me.

I'll tell you who I am as I sit here so still,
as I use at your bidding, as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of ten with a father and mother,
brothers and sisters, who love one another.

A young girl of sixteen, with wings on her feet,
dreaming that soon now a lover she'll meet.
A bride soon at twenty-my heart gives a leap,
remembering the vows that I promised to keep.

At twenty-five now, I have young of my own
who need me to guide and a secure happy home.
A woman of thirty, my young now grown fast,
bound to each other with ties that should last.

At forty my young sons have grown and are gone,
but my man's beside me to see I don't mourn.
At fifty once more babies play round my knee,
again we know children, my loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead;
I look at the future, I shudder with dread.....
For my young are all rearing young of their own,
and I think of the years and the love that I've known.

I'm now an old woman and nature is cruel;
'tis jest to make old age look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles, grace and vigour depart,
there is now a stone where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,
and now and again my battered heart swells.
I remember the joys, I remember the pain,
and I'm loving and living life over again.

I think of the years; all too few, gone too fast,
and accept the stark fact that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, nursie, open and see,
not a crabby old woman; look closer - see ME!!

[Warph]

     A Nurses reply - - by Liz Hogben

What do we see, you ask, what do we see?
Yes, we are thinking when looking at thee
We may seem to be hard when we hurry and fuss
But there's many of you and too few of us.

We would like far more time to sit by you and talk
To bath you and feed you and help you to walk
To hear of your lives and the things you have done
Your childhood, your husband, your daughter, your son.

But time is against us, there's too much to do -
Patients too many and nurses too few
We grieve when we see you so sad and alone
With nobody near you, no friends of your own
We feel all your pain, and know of your fear
That nobody cares now your end is so near.

But nurses are people with feelings as well
And when we're together you'll often hear tell
Of the dearest old Gran in the very end bed
And the lovely old Dad and the things that he said
We speak with compassion and love, and feel sad
When we think of your lives and the joy that you've had.

When the time has arrived for you to depart
You leave us behind with an ache in our heart
When you sleep the long sleep, no more worry or care
There are other people, and we must be there
So please understand if we hurry and fuss
There are many of you and too few of us!!

[Wilma]

You, who do not know, might think that the nurses and others that care for the elderly and infirm, do not care about their charges.  They do care.  Take it from me, who watched her mother being cared for and loved during her years at Twilight Manor.  She was well taken care of and loved.  Her caretakers provided her with something that I was unable to due to her condition.  I will always be grateful to them for being her family during her last years.

One of my daughters is now a nurse in a care home.  She cares.  She cries when one of her charges dies, even though she knows it is going to happen.  I think this second poem is very true.  The caregivers do care, but there just isn't time for everyone.  Something like the conditions our teachers work under.  There just isn't time.

[Diane Amberg]

Well said, Wilma, well said. Grandma Dessie was very well cared for during all her years at Twilight Manor also. I knew several of the staff quite well and they could always find time for me if I called to check on her, or they would call here if she needed anything that had to have a decision made about it first. At Christmas time I used to send Grandma gifts of course, but I'd have a big can of popcorn or cookies and candy sent to the staff also. Great, caring people.

[larryJ]

I have a friend who is a nurse at a local hospital.  She works in the Obstetrics department assisting the doctor to deliver babies.  She has a T-shirt which she wears occasionally to some of our friends and family gatherings and it always makes me laugh.  It says:

(excuse the language)

I AM A NURSE.....I AM HERE TO SAVE YOUR ASS, NOT KISS IT.

Larryj