Senior News for Elk Co.

Started by Warph, June 20, 2012, 09:15:29 AM

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Warph

June 20, 2012, 09:15:29 AM Last Edit: September 16, 2012, 10:36:26 PM by Warph


Transgender Havelina (Harvey) Muttercupp, lawyer and activist... and main squeeze Surcey Edwards, two Kansas delegation of pensioners, threaten to take their bras off unless they are seated at the KS State DNC convention in Topeka while a contingent of Elk Co. Retired Marines look on hoping something might drop their way.  
"Every once in a while I just have a compelling need to shoot my mouth off." 
--Warph

"If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all."
-- Warph

"A gun is like a parachute.  If you need one, and don't have one, you'll probably never need one again."

Warph

#1
June 20, 2012, 08:41:35 PM
Don't mess with grandma...
A 75 year old lady tries to break up a robbery attempt at a Seven-Eleven convenience store in Malden, Mass.  Her weapon... a price checker.  She even follows him outside.

"Every once in a while I just have a compelling need to shoot my mouth off." 
--Warph

"If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all."
-- Warph

"A gun is like a parachute.  If you need one, and don't have one, you'll probably never need one again."

Warph

#2
June 21, 2012, 05:33:46 PM Last Edit: June 23, 2012, 12:35:05 PM by Warph
Barbara Ann Farlinger, therapeutic recreation consultant for the Kansas State Department of Health Services says "Elderly people checking into nursing homes around the state are finding more than a clean bed, a friendly nurse and companionship.  Now there's a real trend toward pet-therapy programs for the elderly because it works.  People need to be needed and animals need people.''

         

Ever since they adopted Bubba the boa, some of the other pets in the program seem to have disappeared.... among other things... as this poor woman in the wheelchair is about to find out.  Look out, old girl.  :o ...Warph
"Every once in a while I just have a compelling need to shoot my mouth off." 
--Warph

"If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all."
-- Warph

"A gun is like a parachute.  If you need one, and don't have one, you'll probably never need one again."

Warph

#3
June 22, 2012, 12:34:15 PM
                                     
Kansas State Government Research Studies show that Senior Citizens are the nations leading carriers of Aids!

The report, published by the U.S. Administration on Aging (AoA) on all states shows that senior citizens are the leading carriers of Hearing Aids, Band Aids, Rol Aids, Walking Aids, Medical Aids, Government Aids, and most of all, monetary aid to their kids.
"Every once in a while I just have a compelling need to shoot my mouth off." 
--Warph

"If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all."
-- Warph

"A gun is like a parachute.  If you need one, and don't have one, you'll probably never need one again."

Warph

#4
June 22, 2012, 01:12:39 PM
                               


Not one to tell on them but... I'm sure Jarhead, LarryJ, Ready and Wilma all agree that you know you're getting old when....
--An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee!
--You and your teeth don't sleep together anymore.
--Your mind not only wanders. Sometimes it leaves completely.
--All the names in your black book have M.D. after them.
--Getting a little action" means I don't need fiber today.
--"Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
--My teeth are my own.  I have the receipt.
--The candles cost more than the cake.
--Your back goes out more than you!


And me? ???  Here are some good things that happen to me as I grow older....

--Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off!
--Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
--It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.
--If you've never smoked, you can start now and it won't have time to hurt you.
--Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them, either!!
--Your eyes won't get much worse.
--Things you buy now don't have time to wear out.
--And, one of the best advantages of being old is... "I've seen it all, done it all, heard it all.  I just can't remember it all!"


"Every once in a while I just have a compelling need to shoot my mouth off." 
--Warph

"If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all."
-- Warph

"A gun is like a parachute.  If you need one, and don't have one, you'll probably never need one again."

Wilma

#5
June 22, 2012, 05:32:48 PM
Your're wrong on one of them, Warph.  My teeth do sleep with me.  And I don't have a receipt for them.

jarhead

#6
June 22, 2012, 07:31:54 PM
Me too Wilma. All 6 of my teeth still sleep with me, that is when I sleep and not up 13 times a night to pee !!

Warph

#7
June 23, 2012, 01:11:15 PM
"Every once in a while I just have a compelling need to shoot my mouth off." 
--Warph

"If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all."
-- Warph

"A gun is like a parachute.  If you need one, and don't have one, you'll probably never need one again."

Warph

#8
June 24, 2012, 09:21:58 AM

Hmmmm... Medicible, you think????       

     
   
"Every once in a while I just have a compelling need to shoot my mouth off." 
--Warph

"If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all."
-- Warph

"A gun is like a parachute.  If you need one, and don't have one, you'll probably never need one again."

Warph

#9
June 25, 2012, 08:08:28 PM Last Edit: June 25, 2012, 08:26:18 PM by Warph
A German Brothel Offers Senior Citizen Early Bird Afternoon Discount To Customers 60+

For everyone who thinks there is no sex life after 60, think again.  A brothel in the western town of Germany is offering a 50 percent discount to senior citizens for sex in the afternoon, if they come with proof of age.  A normal sex session at "Pascha" in the western city of Cologne costs about $67 but senior citizens aged 60, or older, who come between noon and 5 p.m., qualify for the half-price special, the brothel says.  Local media quoted the spokesman for the brothel's managing director Armin Lobscheid as saying, "All clients need to do is show us some proof of age. We don't earn as much money, but we're establishing ourselves across a broader range of age groups." Saying, "older folks are more active than you think," the spokesperson added that the new offer has definitely raised the number of older people visiting them.

Wow... no wonder Germany seems so solvent!

Hmmm.... maybe Ross could bring this up at the next County Comm. meeting or maybe get Elk Konn involved in this.  Is that Senior facility that EK had still available?  It could bring in a nice tidy sum for the County.  Possibly that nice County Commissioner Ms. Henricks could help.  I mean after all, she's going to put in a Golf Course for Elk, isn't she?
"Every once in a while I just have a compelling need to shoot my mouth off." 
--Warph

"If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all."
-- Warph

"A gun is like a parachute.  If you need one, and don't have one, you'll probably never need one again."
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