The Golfer

[Judy Harder]

A man goes to a public golf course. He approaches the man behind the counter in the pro shop and says, "I would like 18 holes of golf and a caddie."
The man behind the counter says, "The 18 holes of golf is no problem, but all of the caddies are out on the course. What I will do for you is this: We just received 8 brand new robot golf caddies. If you're willing to take one with you out on the course and come back and tell me how well it works, your round of golf is on me today."
The golfer obviously accepted the man's offer. He approached the first tee, looked at the fairway and said to himself, "I think my driver will do the job."
The robot caddie turned to the man and said, "No sir.. Use your 3 wood.
A driver is far too much club for this hole." Hesitantly, the golfer pulled out his 3 wood, made good contact with the ball, and the ball landed about 10 feet to the right front of the hole on the green.
The golfer, delighted, turned to the robot and thanked him for his assistance. As the golfer pulled out his putter he said, "I think this green is gonna break left to right." The robot then again spoke up and said, "No sir. I do believe this green will break right to left."
Thinking about the last time the robot corrected his prediction, he decided again to listen to the machine. He made his putt and birdied the hole thanks to the robot and his advice. But his luck didn't end there. His entire game was the best game he ever played, thanks to the assistance of the new robot golf caddie.
Upon returning to the clubhouse, the man behind the counter asked, "How was your game?" The golfer stated, "It was, by far, the BEST game I ever played. Thank you very much for letting me take one of your robots. See you next week."
A week passed, and excited, the golfer returned to the pro shop. Upon entering, he turned to the man behind the counter and said, "I would like 18 holes of golf and one of those robot golf caddies, please."
The gentleman from behind the counter turned to the man and said, "Well the 18 holes is no problem. However, we had to get rid of the robots. We had too many complaints."
"COMPLAINTS? Who in the heck could have complained about those robots? They were incredible."
The man sighed and said, "Well, it wasn't their performance. It was that they were made of shiny silver metal, and the sun reflecting off them was blinding to other golfers on the fair way."
The golfer said, "So then why didn't you just paint them black?"

The man nodded sadly and replied, "We did. Then four of 'em didn't show up for work, two filed for welfare, one of them robbed the pro shop, and the Other Thinks He's The President."

[Warph]

Great joke, Judy... reminds me of ol' Slappy. who's always the last to tee off.

[Teresa]

A circus owner runs an ad for lion tamer and two people show up.

One is a good looking old retired golfer in his late sixties and
the other is a gorgeous blonde in her mid-twenties.

The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it.
This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer, so you two
had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment --
chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"

The girl says, "I'll go first."

She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage.

The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge at her. About half way there,
she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.

The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking
her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes
and then rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner's jaw is on the floor.

He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life.."
He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can you top that?"

The tough old golfer replies,
"No problem, just get that damn lion out of the way."