(IN)Courage

[Judy Harder]

Escaping The Rut Of Want
Apr 20, 2012 01:20 am | Lysa


Twelve years ago I was stuck in a rut of want.  There was an opportunity that looked so promising.  A publisher expressed genuine interest in my writing. It seemed to be right.  It felt right.  I wanted it to be right.  It must be right!



But it never came to pass.

In my most mature moments I reasoned, "It wasn't meant to be. I trust God and believe in His perfect plans."

In my not so mature moments I wondered, "God, this isn't fair.  Why do you keep saying no?"

And in my immature moments I whined, "God, do you care this hurts me?"

Have you ever been there?

Ruts of want are tough places to be stuck.

When God says no, we are sometimes tempted to wonder if He loves us.  In reality, it's because He loves us, He sometimes says no.

Read that last sentence again and rub it into your heart.  The hurting part.  The part that throbs and aches when you see others getting the exact opportunity you want.  You fake a smile to hide the pain.

God brought this change of perspective to me through a baking disaster that happened to my youngest daughter, Brooke.  She came to me at 9pm one night and asked if she and her friend could bake a cake.

Hope, Brooke's older sister, had offered to help and I was too tired to argue the incessant pleas of a nine year old.

Brooke measured and poured, whipped and stirred, and carefully placed a batter-filled cake pan into the oven.  Then she turned on the oven light and watched the cake bake.  Her cake became her whole focus.  She couldn't stop looking at the cake and grew increasingly impatient with the slow-passing minutes on the timer.

Nothing kills patience like being solely focused on the object of your desire.  And tragically, impatience becomes the breeding ground for compromise.

About 30 minutes into the 45-minute baking time, the cake looked done.  It smelled done.  Brooke and her friend wanted it to be done.  She reasoned it must be done!

Hope helped retrieve the cake and place it on the counter to cool.

And it wasn't long until the cake imploded.

The cake couldn't withstand the pressure of an undone center... and neither can we.

If we obsess over the cake and make it our whole focus, character atrophies.  If we make growing in godliness our obsession and keep our focus on God, our character matures.  And a mature character makes for a solid and well done center.

I thank God everyday for the no's He's graciously allowed and continues to allow in my life.  I used to pray, "God, let me, let me, let me!"

I now pray, "God, please never let my success outgrow the character necessary to handle it."

Indeed, it's because God loves us, He sometimes says no.

What 'no' have you thanked God for lately?

By Lysa TerKeurst



Waiting For God's Gifts
Apr 20, 2012 01:10 am | Kris



I gather the pieces into this well-worn freezer bag.

Barbie shoes and random matchbox wheels, Lincoln logs, Lego's, a sharp set of fairy wings- none of these suitable for small children to play with. Each of these items, potentially dangerous enough that they have to be reserved for later use.

This "Piece Bag" is a coveted thing around here. They clamor on chairs and pull at the cabinet, "can we pleeeeaaaase just look in it" the younger one howls. I often say "no" because I know what happens when they look in it. They begin to want, they covet, they long for things they are not ready for yet. I know what that's like.

Many things in my life have at one point, rested out of reach, tucked away on the reserve shelf, not suitable for my handling, or mishandling as it might be. I have longed for and wished for and occasionally, whined for things that I wasn't ready for. I know the ache of seeing that special thing glittering just out of reach, and I have prayed the prayers to ease the longing,

As I tucked my middle boy into bed, he looks droopy-eyed at me and he asks for something he cannot yet have. I smile weakly because I know his wanting and I know the challenge of waiting. Patience is a gene that I lack, shortchanged right from birth. I brush his shimmery gold-brown hair aside and tell him about the "piece bag".  We talk about how God has a "piece bag" of His own, for each of us, and though the one in our cupboard contains mostly hazardous odds and ends, God's "piece bag" is infinitely more awesome, a treasure chest, overflowing with gifts that He will hand down, in His perfect timing.

We whisper there, in the bottom bunk, about how my special gift will not be his special gift, and how our gifts are as individual as we are.

I watch the snaggle-toothed smile spread across his face, when I tell him that God has a whole "piece bag" with his name on it.  And he laughs and then asks in all seriousness, "does it really have my name on it?" I smile while my heart cracks open a little, the tears form in the corner of my eyes.

He asks the question we all want to know—

Does God really have special gifts, set aside for me? Without hesitation I choke out, "Yes! Yes my sweet boy, with only your name on it."   He rolls over and closes his eyes; He's smiling now. I stand to leave, his hand finds mine, "I'm really happy now," he says.

I pray his joy lasts as he holds out for what's in his "piece bag". I pray that he lives life contented–not longing too hard, not wishing. I pray that he remembers this night.

God will open His hands, He will give the perfect, appropriate gift with all of His love.Our names are stamped permanently in His heart, in His hands—

See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands Isaiah 49:16

Sister-friends, if you are waiting for that special something, if you have a dream hanging in the window somewhere that seems out of reach or unattainable, Can I pray for you in your waiting? Would you just leave a little word below in the comments that I might pray with and for you, as you wait for the time to be right? God has a special "piece bag" with your name on it, and when the time is right, He will give it to you.

Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord;
 trust in him and he will do this: Psalm 37:4-5

By: Kris (Always Alleluia)

[Judy Harder]

About That Hole In Your Heart

Apr 21, 2012 01:20 am | Arianne

I've been talking about this move we're doing, just 3 days from today, and I still can't believe it's happening. A cross-country traipsing of epic proportions. South Carolina to Arizona, and the only reason I'm not scared silly for the impending culture shock is because Arizona is home (though we left 11 years ago). It's where my husband and I grew long legs and big hearts and eyes only for each other.

We felt the itch last month, got a little worried (ok, we fully freaked out), surrendered and started planning. We grew to not fear the details, anxiety issues seemed to melt away and we learned patience. We saw that we need only be obedient to the process, to allow Jesus to care for the results, and giggled together at 3am over the freedom in that obedience.

All this growing, all this learning, has happened in just the 6 weeks since we decided to move. I can only imagine the growth that God has in the new home, our new city, if this much has happened already!

But there is one thing I still am uneasy about: who will our community be?

We have been in a season of wilderness lately as we are without community here due to various factors. It isn't a big stretch to imagine that God has new community waiting for us. But I confess I have that "new kid at school" jitters about the thought of starting all over with a new circle of friends.

I treasure my online community so much, but so much more can happen when we break bread with people. The in-the-flesh people that can shape us and challenge us fill a community shaped hole in our hearts. God created us with that hole, such that we'd always search to find the missing part until we are home with Him.

We're talking so much of community here lately, I know it's likely been on your mind too. How has God stretched your idea of community?

***
By Arianne of To Think Is To Create



A Sunday Scripture

Apr 22, 2012 01:20 am | incourage


"And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near."

Hebrews 10:24-25.

[Judy Harder]

Speak Gently

Apr 23, 2012  Annie Downs

I sat across from Caroline* at our favorite coffee shop in Nashville. We are the same age, but she's married and loves to hear about my single life shenanigans. Having said "I do" right after college, this jungle that is dating in your 30s is super foreign to her. So when I tell her, "yeah, the hardest part is that he flirty texts me a lot but doesn't ask me on dates," she's all, "wwwoooowww.... we didn't even have cell phones when Brian and I got married."

I know, Caroline. I remember. I was in college then too.

We laugh so much. She always makes me feel like my simple Nashville single life is absolutely THE MOST INTERESTING THING EVER.

[It's really not, y'all. Not for a lack of trying on my part, but it is not.]

On this day, in the dead of winter, we held our warm mugs tightly and I shared my doubts and struggles in this season of singleness.

She said, "Well, I just KNOW that God has someone for you."

And I paused. And stared blankly. After a few seconds, I responded, "No, no you don't. You don't KNOW that."

And she blankly stared back, then looked down at her latte. "You're right," she said, "I don't."

. . . . .

Words that hurt accidentally are the worst. Being that a lot of my friends are married, and they have hope for me, they want to say the encouraging things:

"I just don't get why you are still single."

"Are you meeting new people? I think you may not be meeting enough guys."

And the quotes could go on and on. You probably have a laundry list of things people have said to you meaning to be helpful that have just ended up hurting.

And you know the reality? The problem usually isn't found in the person sharing the encouragement- the problem is in the ears receiving the words.

I am sensitive about other people talking about my singleness. So when someone bops in and says, "I just know God has someone for you!" it makes me want to scream and say, "YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING!"

[Because I am very mature. Obviously.]

One thing my pastor Pete Wilson has taught us to do is trust other people's intentions, not just their actions. And if I choose to listen to my friends and hear what they are saying through the lens of their good intentions, the words land a softer blow.

I bet women who are trying to get pregnant deal with this too, don't they? Or women who have lost some weight and suddenly EVERYONE says how much better they look now. It's not just us singlets that have to work through this.

We all hurt each other with words, whether we mean to or not – welcome to living in a fallen world.

The only truth that is Truth is the Word of God. So when those hurtful / attempted helpful comments get poured into my mind, I wash them in the Word.

"God has someone for you!" .... well, maybe. But more than that, God has PLANS for me. (Jeremiah 29:11)

"Why are you still single?" .... well, I'm not sure. But I know that God's purpose for my life will always prevail. (Proverbs 19:21)

Listen with your heart, not just your ears. And trust that God's Word is the balm that heals and the sword that slays.

. . . . .

How have you dealt with words that accidentally [or purposefully] hurt you?

*name changed because seriously, she meant well. And I love her.

By Annie Downs // AnnieBlogs

Rest In His Presence
Apr 23, 2012 01:10 am | Cathie Quillet


We have a row of vending machines at our church. As the students prepare for youth group on a Wednesday night, the students visit the candy store in the junior high room or the vending machines.



That particular Wednesday night, I watched a seventh grade student walk towards the machines. He stopped, pulled his change out of his pocket and flung some lint onto the floor. He calculated his handful of change and counted it twice.

He perused the drink selection and zeroed in on his soft drink of choice. He started putting his money in the coin slot until the sum totaled $1.25. He pushed the drink selection and I'm sure his taste buds started salivating. The refreshment and caffeine rush were just seconds away. Well, according to his plan at least.

He put his hand in the bottom opening and waited for his purchase to be released.

He waited.

And waited.

Then, he threw a fit as a lot of us do when we don't get what we want. He punched the machine. After all, he deserved the result that he was being denied. Didn't he?

He looked around to see if anyone was watching, so I hid a little bit more to see what happened next.

He backed up like a bull getting ready to attack. He charged, full steam ahead into the pop machine, leaping off his feet right before he got there.

Nothing. He didn't get anything. (Except a good laugh out of me).

He hurried to the closest adult, to complain about how he did everything right, but wasn't given what he was owed. And he deserved it!

My laughter stopped, when I realized that this encounter is all to like my prayer life sometimes. I know what I want, I approach His throne with MY agenda, and throw a good child-like tantrum if I don't get it.

What was a silly spectacle to observe, turned into an ugly look in the mirror.

If I just spend this amount of time in Scripture, then I'll get what I want.

If I pray for ten minutes more than I do, THEN my prayer will be answered.

If I cross everything off my spiritual to do list, THEN...

Why do we minimize God's power to a divine vending machine?

If we do, we minimize His authority, strip the power from the cross, eliminate his omniscience, and tell the Creator of the universe how to do things better. His perfect personal qualities, that make Him the relational and loving Father that He is, are replaced by a robotic Santa Claus who provides what is on my list. After all, I have been a good girl and met the requirements on my spiritual checklist.

What if we adjusted our paradigm and shifted our focus to God being a relational, loving and welcoming God, instead of a pawn?

Imagine the safety, security and acceptance you felt climbing up on your daddy's lap when you were younger? No words need to be spoken. No time limit necessary. Just you and your father.

Breathe it in.

Imagine yourself there.

That's the God we have. Not a robot. He's ready. Accessible. Welcoming. Accepting. No words need to be spoken. No time limit necessary. Just you and your Father.

Breathe it in.

Imagine yourself there.

He says, "Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

He's ready for you, regardless of your circumstance. He longs to be in relationship with you. He wants to carry your burdens for you. He's ready and waiting to pull you up on his lap, and let you be still. Snuggle into your Abba's chest and rest in His presence.

By Cathie Quillet, Walking In His Plan

[Judy Harder]

Community Building
Apr 24, 2012 01:15 am | Melissa Michaels




I've started this post about the importance of being a part of a community, oh ...  I'd say at least twelve times. For some reason, I can't find the right words for what I want to say. Connecting is tough.

Writing for (in)courage is often a real challenge for me. I adore this space and I'm humbled to have been a part of it from the beginning, but I still question what I have to offer. I do not feel eloquent or profound. I don't often feel like I have something deep or spiritually enriching to share so I wonder if I should even show up.

And honestly, the real truth is I don't always want to make the effort or take the time to share my life. That is a lot of pressure. Certainly there is someone else better suited for that task. I have other things to do today that are a little bit easier and more fun for me than heart sharing. Like maybe picking out curtains.

I sit here staring at a blank screen. So, I shut the computer and go eat brownies. Alone. It is not difficult to eat a brownie. Especially if you have milk. I can dip brownies in my milk and pick out curtains online and not have to care about anyone else but me. Me me me. It is like a party, except I'm the only one there.

I'm convicted about that. Because when I think that way, clearly I'm all about my comfort and my feelings and my big needs. I'm not thinking about you, I'm thinking about me. I'm taking the easy way out.

As I process what I'm trying to say here, I realize my rambling today on the struggle to write about community is what building a real community is like sometimes. It can be anxiety-producing. It is soul-revealing. It is hard work to be selfless and care about other people. We know we are called by God to love Him — and to love our neighbor. God gave each of us unique gifts that the body of Christ needs to thrive and effectively reach this world. We were created for community, that is God's plan.



So why do we pull back and hold our hearts, our gifts and our time close to our chest, instead of opening up to community and becoming vulnerable enough to love and give like Jesus would? Why do we find so many creative excuses for not showing up, opening up or putting our hearts out there? Why is it so hard to connect and commit to a group of people?

Community is inconvenient and frustrating sometimes. It is easy to avoid connection when we make relationships more about ourselves than about really loving our neighbors. When the focus is on how we feel about the women we are called to connect with in our church or community (when we feel superior, inferior or indifferent to them) or how we feel about ourselves (on our own inadequacy or if we focus too heavily on getting own needs met), we can find all sorts of excuses to not love like Jesus.

If we are introverted or shy or quiet, if someone has offended us or hurt us or is plain old irritating to us, if we are struggling in some way, if our kids kept us up last night so we have bags under our eyes, or we are too tired from work or too busy with our personal life to give to a community, we have found a perfectly legitimate excuse for not connecting. Right? Circumstances are not optimal and community is inconvenient, so we should be off the hook.

I know for me, any excuse for avoiding community will do when I am looking inward instead of outward. Of course we have our own needs, but when getting our own needs met is our primary motivator for showing up (or not showing up as the case might be!), we can so easily slip into becoming consumers of community rather than being life-givers to a community.

There is so much blessing in faithfully showing up and being present in a community. We don't need to show up because we feel a false sense of obligation or guilt or need more to do. But we show up to community in obedience to Him. Because community building is what He asks of us — to really love our neighbors. And in return we will grow in our faith and character and experience what God intends for us through community.

Community isn't easy or perfect, but I'm excited to see what God will do when we make the commitment to show up and build healthy, thriving life-giving communities!

Do you struggle with being a part of a community?

I'm excited to be hosting an (in) Real Life meetup this Saturday, and I hope you will take that deep breath of courage to show up at a meetup near you! You can register for (in)RL here and find a meetup near you here.

[Judy Harder]

Friend!

It has been such a joy to share this journey with you.

We've laughed, cried, grown, turned pages together.

I'm wishing {like I say in the book} that I could have coffee or tea with each of you today.

What would you say?

How is your heart different than when we began?

I'd love to hear.

And I'd love to stay connected with you.

You're always welcome over at my little place online, holleygerth.com

Until we get to chat again, remember you really are already amazing and God has more in store for you than you can even imagine...

Love,

Holley


Grace For The Woman Who Doesn't Know
Apr 25, 2012 01:20 am | Sarah Mae




My friend had just given birth to her first baby, and a tiny one at that.

Little Viv was a preemie, but such a cutie, and was finally home in the arms of her mama. I took a meal over to the family, chili and some fresh baked bread. I had no children at this point, and was so excited for my friend, I had a million questions. And I wanted to see the baby room! We sat down in her living room and she was trying to nurse, but was having a difficult time. I kept blabbering on about who-knows-what, asking questions, and looking around, while she was being polite and gracious but trying to focus on getting her baby to eat – which the baby would not do. I don't know when I finally stopped talking and left, but looking back, I can't believe my friend didn't say to me, "Sarah, can we chat later? I need to nurse Viv now." But she didn't do that; her kindness covered my poor etiquette.

I really had no idea how inconsiderate I was being that day. I would never do that to a mama now unless she asked me to stay and chat.

Maybe you've seen the movie Bridget Jones's Diary. There is a scene in which she shows up to a party in a ridiculous bunny costume, thinking it's a costume party. Turned out, it wasn't. Everyone was dressed nicely, and poor Bridget had a bunny tail on. Talk about a cringe worthy moment!

Do you have any of those cringe worthy or "wish-I-had-a-take-back" moments? A "what was I thinking?!" kind of time? It is those times that I want you to remember right now. Did you ever do something so awkward or foolish? Have you acted rudely at some point, not even realizing it until later? I bet you wish you could erase those times, or at least go back for a do-over. But you learned, right? You have a take away from your not-so-flattering experience. Now think of someone who has done something rude or foolish or engaged in bad etiquette around you at some point. I want you to remember them, and I want you to remember your moment, and I want you to think of grace.

Let your love cover the thing, and extend grace and a smile.

We just don't all get it sometimes, and we are prone to mistakes and sin. We are, after all, human.

Today, let's love and give grace well. Smile at the woman who doesn't know. Smile authentic. You can free with your kindness, and you can lead others to the blood that spells out grace on a cross.

Especially for the woman who doesn't know.

"Treat others the same way you want them to treat you." Luke 6:31

"Grace, then, is grace,–that is to say, it is sovereign, it is free, it is sure, it is unconditional, and it is everlasting." ~ Alexander Whyte

By Sarah Mae




When Pain Paralyzes
Apr 25, 2012 01:20 am | Carole McDuffee




Emotional Pain. It can be hard to know what to do when we are hurting.

Inundated with pain and sadness that makes us want to cry for hours, we feel lost and all alone. Our hearts become mangled beyond recognition.

One blow. A twinge of pain. Two blows. Excruciating pain. Three blows. The depths of despair!

Completely subjugated on a bed of affliction, we feel buried under a mound of mental anguish.

As Christians, we tend to feel guilty when we experience negative emotions.

That's when we act in pretense and find the nearest rug to sweep our feelings under while telling ourselves, I can't let anyone know I am hurting.  They will think I'm not a good Christian; that I don't 'have it altogether!'

As we repress our true feelings, the slightest provocation sets us off.  When they surface, we are shocked! Where did that come from, we wonder?

Comparing ourselves to others, especially the men in our lives, doesn't work.  They are wired differently.  They compartmentalize their heartache and move on without a second thought.

As a woman, this method is foreign and far reaching.

Overcome with machine gun emotions pelting us from every side, we quickly retreat to our bedrooms with a box of Kleenexes. We cry until we have a sinus headache, our voices become nasally, and our eyes are bloodshot.

Finding out our teenager is on drugs. Our spouse betrays us by having an affair. Learning our unmarried daughter who is still a kid herself is expecting a baby.  A good friend we thought we could trust falsely accuses us. A business partner doesn't uphold his or her end of the deal. Our spouse gambles away their paycheck leaving us without money to pay our rent. We read about an innocent child abused by a parent.

Pretending our emotions do not exist is not the answer.

We must deal with our feelings in a healthy manner. Talking about how we feel with a trusted friend or our spouse and praying about them is crucial. It's okay to be honest and ask the Lord to help us work through the issue we are struggling with.

God created us to be emotional beings, but balance is key.

What do we do with all of the pain when it becomes unbearable, causing us to feel we can't take another shard of glass? Stuff it?  Run from it? Pretend it doesn't exist?

1.  Talk to the Lord about it in prayer!

2.  Share with a trusted friend, get their feedback, & pray together.

Our pain, when given to the Lord, is never wasted. It has a purpose. If we choose to embrace it, it will make us stronger and make us more like Jesus.

A stranger asked a Silversmith who was refining silver "How do you know the right amount of heat needed for the refining of the silver?"

He looked up and said, "When I can see my own reflection."

The Lord refines us through pain and difficult circumstances for the purpose of eventually seeing His reflection in us.

Through it all, even our crazy emotions have a purpose.  They remind us we are frail human beings in need of the daily grace and strength of God.  As our trust in God increases, we come to realize, we are never alone...

He rides the waves of our raging emotions.  He knows what we are going through and He's not afraid of our feelings!  After all, He's the God of the Universe. Sometimes He calms the storm. Other times, He calms the child!



By: Carole McDuffee

[Judy Harder]

I don't know them.

I've said hi a few times. I've stood in the quad after church with coffee in hand, trying to politely tell my kids "just one blueberry muffin!"

I met Julie the first Sunday I visited at the church's welcome table. Lynn, I met at a newcomer's dinner last month. She smiled, asked me where I'm from, whether I was new in town. The third girl Nicole sat in the row behind me before worship service. I turned to notice she and her husband were flanked by two girls, one around TJ's age. A mommy-comrade-in-arms, I noted to self.

Sure, I know their names, how many kids they have, where about town they live and how long they've been going to church.

But, I don't really know them.

You see, I'm new at my church.

And in many ways, as hard it is to look for a new community of believers to do life with and worship together – it can also be very easy to be new.

It is very easy to just lay low.

To be quiet.

To be safe.

To just smile and remain unknown.

... To keep every interaction from leading to the one door you don't want to walk through.

It's the doorway of being known.

Two Words
If you've been hanging out here at the (in)courage beach house for even a nanosecond, you know something big is happening in a couple days April 27 and 28. Our first (in)RL meetups — real life get togethers — are happening this weekend.

Well, I had been feeling lost as to where I should go or what I should do for (in)RL. It reminded me of playing musical chairs (those icebreakers!). I hate that feeling of being left without a seat when the music stops. You know the feeling.

Because psst... you know, I'm one of the writers here. Should I host? Or should I just join a nearby get together? I wanted to do something small and intimate, but I felt this pressure to do something big. Because you know, I really do believe in community.

I've been hurt and broken by community.

But, I was also put together by community. Real people who cared about my broken spirit became Jesus with skin to me. They nurtured my heart by allowing me to talk about the hard things: the questions that don't have answers and problems that may not be solved. They didn't try to fix me. They accepted the parts of me that I feared could never be repaired.

Through learning to trust them, I received a gift Jesus wrapped for me in others: being known.

At a Tomb
Being known — this is a gift Jesus offers us through you and me.

I've unwrapped this gift in the past. Will I take a step to open this gift new — today?

Will I open myself to know others — and allow them to know me too?

As I thought about Christ's resurrection, God drew me into a scene that freed me to make a decision about how to do (in)RL.

God brought me to three women who met at a tomb.

Mary of Magdalene, Mary mother of James and Salome were all going to do something conventional for women at the time: preparing a body for burial. They were walking together to go and bathe Jesus in burial ointments.

Just the three of them.

Then something totally unexpected happened.

They found an empty tomb.

They found evidence of life.

And they experienced a crazy, amazing turn in their story they did not expect.

I knew God was speaking straight into my heart.

I don't care about the numbers, Bonnie.


I have never placed importance on what you can do for me.

I place importance on you.

Rest confidently in what I am doing — new — in you.


Be known.


On the surface, getting together with new friends might seem a "conventional repeat" of what we've done in the past, in our search for community. Maybe like me, there are stories from the tomb of broken community quietly looming in the back of your mind.

No matter, Jesus meets us confidently. He says to us what he said to Mary that morning — "Peace be with you."

The Way He Is
So, for this weekend, I invited three new friends for my (in)RL meet up. I've picked out the pastries — something chocolately, lemony, and buttery. I'm going to pick up a special lavender earl gray tea for that afternoon. And I will definitely have some yummy shots of hazelnut ready for the coffee drinkers.

Yes, I have an ice breaker. No, it is not going to be musical chairs. I'll let you know how it goes.

Above all, I'm looking for Jesus to meet us there. He is going to provide the life, the sweetness and the ease of heart.

I know He is going to show up and surprise us all.

It's just the way He is. It's His way. Being known.

If you're taking the initiative to get to know others, are you feeling the pressure of expectations?

What will people expect of you — of the time that spent together?

If you're accepting someone's invitation, are you asking yourselves these same questions?

Faith Challenge
I think it's totally normal to feel the way we do.

No matter how many times we've done this whole getting-to-know you-getting-to-know-me thing, opening ourselves is always a new faith challenge.

Maybe you're reading this, and you're feeling the tug.

To initiate a get together?

To accept someone's invitation?

To visit a small group?

Or maybe a big group?

One or two — ten or fifty — it holds the same weight in Jesus' eyes. He sees straight into us and values our faith in Him. When we take steps to move forward, our faith is what Jesus treasures precious beyond compare.

We are all walking through the doorway of being known.

He is holding your hand.

And He is holding mine.

Let's walk through together.

Call. Email. Get together . Whatever it is.

It's never too late. Even now.

"And when two or three of you are together because of me,
you can be sure that I'll be there."
~ Jesus, Matthew 18:20

~~~~~

What your thoughts on the doorway of being known?

What encourages you to walk through — what is it that holds you back?

[Judy Harder]

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name.

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!

Amen.

Ephesians 3:14-21

[Judy Harder]

The Wrong Bullseye

Apr 30, 2012  Laura Parker


"It never ceases to amaze me how good we are at hitting the bullseye on the wrong target." – Food, Inc., Documentary

I'm sad to confess that I yell at my kids most often when I am trying to finish a p90x workout video in my bedroom. It seems that regardless of how occupied they all appear to be before I push play, they descend on my exercise time like locusts on a fall crop. Suddenly, I have my preschooler sitting on me while I'm trying to do push-ups, and I'm pressing pause faster than I can break a sweat.  The older two are fighting. My daughter needs help with the computer. My son can't find a snack in the kitchen. And while the skinny people on the video are squatting and planking and tricep-pressing, I am an irritated mom who's morphing into a she-version of the Incredible Hulk {but, considering the Hulk's physique, maybe that would work in my favor, anyway}.

I just want 40 minutes to myself.  What is their problem?!  Why can't I just have access to a gym and childcare?

And so, I get angry. And unfortunately for my kids, my angry-self  is even less attractive than my working-out-self, if you can imagine. There is stomping and verbal "arghs" and frequent words I have to apologize for later.


We had a friend tell us once that "anger is oftentimes the result of a blocked goal," and I agree. Because my goal of fighting this slowing metabolism is typically blocked by the needs of my three young children. And the result from me is always, always, an angry, selfish one.

I recently picked up a copy of Neil Anderson's book, Getting Anger Under Control, and it struck a chord on many levels. Anderson talks about the subtle but important difference between godly desires and godly goals. Anderson writes that a godly goal is anything that reflects God's will for our lives and is not dependent on other people or circumstances, whereas a godly desire, while potentially good, as well, is dependent on others or circumstances. Anderson writes:

"If we believe that our identity and sense of worth is dependent upon the cooperation of other people and upon favorable circumstances, then we will likely try to control them. When we discover that we can't, then those people or circumstances are blocking us from our goals, and we get angry. If any outcome we desire is uncertain, we feel anxious; and if our goal seems impossible to reach, we get depressed. . .

Even Godly desires will become a problem for us if we raise them to the level of goals."

Anderson explains the difference between goals and desires with several examples, one of which is a woman at the checkout line of a grocery store in a hurry to get home. Her desire is to get in and out of the shop quickly, but the cashier is checking out the customer in front of her painfully slowly. While the rushing woman might have had a desire to accomplish her shopping in five minutes, the woman's larger goal of demonstrating the character of Christ is not blocked by the slow cashier. The shopper can still choose patience and kindness, if her desire remains less important than her goal.

And, suddenly my p90x issues came into focus, because I had been elevating my desire for a workout above my goal to be a Christ-like woman. And it seemed a simple shift of semantics, but it was an important one for me, nonetheless.

Because the truth is that I have already been given everything I need for life and godliness {2 Peter 1:3}. Right now. At this moment. And my challenge is to remember that this goal of loving like Jesus is not blocked by kids that interrupt a workout video.

In fact, interrupting children could be just the catalyst I need to embrace it.


"God's goal for our lives is to become the person He created us to be. Paul said, 'This is the will of God, your sanctification' {1 Thes. 4:3}. Nobody–nothing–on planet Earth can keep us from becoming the person God created us to be. The only ones who can interfere with that goal is ourselves." – Neil Anderson, Getting Anger Under Control

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What desire do you typically elevate beyond the greater goal of loving like Christ?

********************


Laura Parker, a freelance writer, lives and blogs from Thailand, where her husband is involved in humanitarian work. You can read more about her life in SouthEast Asia at her blog, ALifeOverseas. You can follow her on twitter at @LauraParkerBlog.

[Judy Harder]

Sara's Story
May 01, 2012  Jessica Turner


On Saturday night at our Nashville (in)RL meet-up, I had the honor of introducing Sara's Story to a group of 50 women.

Today, it is my honor to introduce it to you.

But before you watch it, let me tell you a little about Sara.

Sara was by far the most incredible woman I have ever known because of her passion for the Lord and commitment to community.

Before the effects of her debilitating disease prevented her from even leaving her condo, Sara was a magazine writer, a memory keeper and a singer. She loved spending time with her family and friends. Her life was normal, busy, full.

Over time, as the disease took over, Sara's life slowed down. But even though her circumstances limited her physically, she continued to passionately create community.

Her blog, Gitzen Girl, became her outlet for connecting with the "outside," and her words inspired thousands from around the world.

I got to know Sara first through my blog comments, then through email, then the phone and Skype. And by the grace of God, we spent a few glorious hours together in person in August 2011.



Sara became like a sister to me.

She was a kindred spirit who understood me when I couldn't clearly express myself.

She was the kind of friend everyone longs to have.

She was *soul* beautiful.

She understood that community was about relationship.

Sara went to heaven on September 24, 2011. (If you haven't done so in the past, read these moving words shared by her friend Shannon at her wake.) Though her time here on earth was shorter than I (selfishly) would have liked, her impact was immeasurable.

So it seemed perfect that, as the DaySpring (in)courage team brainstormed what (in)RL would look like, and the stories that would be shared, Sara's name immediately came up. (Thank you DaySpring!)

Today, please find 30 minutes to sit and watch this movie of women sharing about Sara, and her demonstration of community done right.

You will be glad that you did.


Be sure to also check of the "Choose Joy" printables inspired by Sara, as well as other (in)RL resources here.

Humbly,
Jessica


I'm going to break your heart.
May 01, 2012 01:20 am | Mary Carver




Inviting people to a party (especially from the comfort of my computer) wasn't hard. Baking cupcakes and making centerpieces that don't look like something my 4-year-old made at preschool was a bit harder, but still not that difficult.

What's hard is getting past the "hi, how are you," taking off our shoes and our masks, and really getting to know one another. That part? It's HARD. It's hard because intentionally gathering women into community (and joining them there) is choosing to reach out, to connect, to love even though you might get hurt.

It's possible – no, probable – that one of your friends is going to let you down. She'll ignore too many phone calls, she'll ditch your weekly happy hour for dinner with her new boyfriend, she'll believe a lie she hears about you, she'll roll her eyes at your story, she'll invite all the other girls but you, she'll hurt you. She may not mean to – or maybe she will – but your friend will probably hurt you at some point.

So what is the point? Why should we let people in, when they're just going to hurt us like those other people did? And, to be fair, why should they let us in, when we might end up hurting them?

We've all been disappointed or hurt by friends. Friends who weren't there, who needed too much, who held back, who didn't care. So who's to say our new friends won't do the same?

Nothing. We have no guarantees that the people we interact with, connect with, live with won't hurt us. If anything, we can pretty much assume that those we let in, those we are closest to, those we love most are going to hurt us.

And they don't have a guarantee about us, either. Nobody wants to be the first to admit it, but who hasn't disappointed a friend? Who hasn't said something they wish they could take back or forgotten a birthday or shared a rumor or simply not had the energy to call, to listen, to care? When it comes down to it, we're all guilty of hurting others.

I heard a song on the radio last week. It's a pop song that I've heard (and, I won't lie, danced to) dozens of times, but I had never really thought about the words. The singer is telling a girl he's just met, "I'm only going to break your heart."

Well, technically he says, "I'm only gonna break, break your, break, break your heart" – and he says it over and over. But you get the message. He's warning this person that even if he seems great and their brand-new relationship is all glitter and roses and happy dances, heartbreak is inevitable. Whether it happens tomorrow or years down the road, he's going to break her heart.

What if we all walked around saying that? "Hi, my name is Mary. It's nice to meet you, but you should know: I'm definitely going to break your heart."

Can you imagine? Can you imagine if we went into every new relationship knowing that we're going to get hurt? Not in a fatalistic sort of way, but in an attitude of acceptance and determination. What if we went into each new friendship saying, "I know you might hurt me. And I might hurt you. In fact, we can probably just count on it. But I know it will be worth it. Because you're going to love me, and I'm going to love you. It's going to get messy and awkward and difficult, but if we just hold tight, it will be beautiful and healing and amazing, too."

As I think about the women that I've started getting to know over the past few months, the women who've shared their hearts and dreams and struggles with me, I'm a little nervous. It's one thing to talk about our kids or the book we're reading or even the stories from our past that have shaped us, but to really let someone in? That's hard.

So, deep breath. Here goes. Hi. My name is Mary. I want to be your friend, and I'm going to break your heart.

Tell us about a new friend you've made recently. Or a not-so-new friend you want to get to know better!

[Judy Harder]

Catching Frogs
May 02, 2012 01:20 am | Sarah Markley


From suburban Southern California, my family made the trip to Northern Indiana during a handful of summers when I was a little girl to visit my mother's parents who were aging but not yet old. My grandfather did many things: he was a college professor, he mentored teenagers, he was a property manager and he ran a working farm. All at the same time.

As girls, we didn't need a playground because my sister and I had nearly free reign of the property. After visiting the horses, running through the rows of prickly cucumbers and passing the chicken coop, we'd run up to the hay barn. All we needed was a barn full of bales upon bales open on one side to the Indiana summer.

We climbed and ran and jumped and fell and scraped little arms on the scratchy bales. And we caught the tiny frogs that lived in and near the hay. My sister and I competed to see who could catch the most.

The only way to hold a little frog, if you are a little girl, is in your little summer hand.

The frogs were so small that even our little hands held several at a time. We'd catch and hold, and catch another and hold and stuff them into one hand while we used the other to climb and catch more frogs.

With one hand full of amphibians, we ran full speed back to the house, fully intending on showing our "crop" with our mother. We expected the frogs to jump wildly out of our hands as we opened them in front of her summer skirt.

I called for her as I climbed the back porch steps and when she came to meet us, I unclenched my fingers.

Six little frogs. All dead.

I'd been squeezing them so hard during my flight around the barn and on my trip back that I'd killed every last one of them.

I shook the frogs from my hand, disgusted with them now as they flew into the dirt by the back door. I remember thinking that I had been the killer of something alive. That I'd murdered something that was jumping and full of life minutes ago and my stomach sunk when I thought about them jumping back in the barn.

Holding frogs is like holding grudges.

When we are in relationship with another person, we hold a living thing in our hands. Our spouses, our children, our mothers, our sisters. Or even the people that don't matter as much: The other mother at your son's school or the cousin you don't talk with much any more.

We carry in our palms the most important resources on the planet: people.

When we don't forgive one another their mistakes, their humanness, or the ways they've hurt us, we clench our hands around their hearts. And we begin to squeeze.


When we try so hard to carry the hurt further and farther along our journey without forgiveness, we don't know that we are doing it, but we murder them. We hold grudges in our grimy little hands, maybe even with good hearts, but hearts full of hurt. We might even know that the hurts will wound us beyond repair, yet we carry them still.

Not only do we kill the relationship and any chance of healing but in some small way we murder a part of ourselves too when we don't forgive.

The day I killed the frogs a little piece of my girlhood died. It might seem minor, but to a little girl who would honestly never hurt a fly, killing is a big deal. I left a small bit of my heart in that barn on simply trying to carry something that did not want to be carried.

Grudges, hurt and forgiveness should not be carried. We ruin ourselves and we ruin those around us when we do.

Can we let it go today? Can we open our hands, unclench our fists before we kill what we do not intend to kill? Can we let go of our grudges?

by Sarah Markley, who tries very hard every day to keep her heart free and to tries to let go what should not be carried.

The Fight of My Life
May 02, 2012 01:10 am | leebirdmerrill




I think my cell phone touch screen is worn slap out.

Time and time again, I find myself checking for email, Twitter mentions, and Facebook wall post. Proof of acceptance. Proof that someone is thinking of me. Proof that I'm OK.

My self-focus is like a rip tide supplanting my footing and sucking me into dangerous depths.

Soon, I find myself flailing in the murky, black waters where all I can think about is me, me, me. In those waters, everything I do and say is for personal gain. Service becomes self-promotion. Prayer becomes public display. Encouragement becomes eager fishing for approval.

Recently, as I lay in bed begging God to restore a friendship I never thought I'd lose, God spoke.

Lee, picture what your life would be like if you hungered for more of me as much as you hunger for human approval. I have so much more to give you. So much more. When will you stop this striving for the lesser thing?

My heart sank deep into the mattress as His words settled in.

What do I do, Lord?

In the quiet, I waited on Him.

With His finger, he traced His instructions on my heart.

Take your "heart medicine" every morning. Let My Word regulate your heart to beat in rhythm with Mine.
"I gain understanding from your precepts; therefore I hate every wrong path. Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path." (Psalm 119:104-105 NIV)

Let Me renew your mind. Every time your thoughts stray toward human approval, call out to Me. Say My name. Sing My praises. Simply say, "Help!"
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." (Romans 12:2 NIV)

Trip up the tempter. The evil one knows human approval is a foothold he can use to paralyze you. He will continue to jab at you until you jab back. Every time you make the choice to focus on Me, a tiny piece of that foothold crumbles. Continued obedience destroys footholds, giving the evil one no place to stand.
"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." (2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV)

Hide My Word in your heart. Replace his lies with My truth. When the lies swoop through your heart like a garbage heap breeze, let My Spirit wind clear the air.
"I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you." (Psalm 119:10-11 NIV)

Start now and don't stop. It's time to get stubborn. No more quitting when life gets hard. No more letting your guard down "just this once." No more idols. I am Your God.
"Get rid of the vile images you have set your eyes on, and do not defile yourselves with the idols of Egypt. I am the LORD your God." (Ezekiel 20:7 NIV)

Lord, I'm so sorry. So sorry I keep adding bricks to Satan's foothold into my life. It's time to tear that foothold down. Give me an insatiable craving for Your word and Your presence. Give me a hatred for my sin and a fierce determination to be holy. I can't do it with sheer effort. I need Your power coursing through my mental, emotional, and spiritual muscles. Beef me up, Lord, for Your glory and my good. AMEN


By: LeeBird,  Prayer Gifts